When Political Violence Hits Home - 2025 Version Laset weekend two Minnesota lawmakers and their spouses were shot —just hours after voting on a gun safety bill. State lawmaker Rep. Melissa Hortman and her husband were assassinated in their home. Sen. John Hoffman and his wife, Yvette were also shot; nine times and eight times (!!!!!) respectively and, miraculously, the Hoffmans both survived. THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE! IT'S WHY I PACK HEAT! MAGA cult member Vance Boelter carries out our worst nightmare at the homes of Democratic leaders in Minnesota. (Photo Credit FBI) That photo chills me to my core. As details unfold, millions are left checking newsfeeds with shaking hands, replaying January 6 footage or Buffalo supermarket massacres. This isn’t just ‘breaking news.’ It’s a trauma trigger detonating across our collective nervous system—and the latest hemorrhage in America’s political violence epidemic. THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE OF TRAUMA. If your chest tightened reading this as mine feels writing it, if you scanned your own neighborhood or texted loved ones ‘stay safe,’ you’re already experiencing the mental health cost. Political violence isn’t distant headlines; it’s rewiring our brains for hypervigilance, fracturing relationships, and trapping bodies in permanent fight-or-flight. Let’s dissect this crisis—and arm you with evidence-backed tools to heal. Want to find out how you're doing dealing with a world on fire? Political Violence In America The political violence we're seeing play out in Minnesota was not a random act—it was a targeted, politically motivated assassination attempt involving impersonation and a hit list. It’s part of a disturbing rise in violence aimed at public figures based on ideology. Americans Have Been Mistaking Outrage For Truth For A Long Time Back in the 1990s, long before social media algorithms or YouTube rabbit holes, a different kind of echo chamber was taking root—one built on AM radio waves . At the center of it was Rush Limbaugh , a skilled broadcaster who didn’t just report his views—he performed  them. His formula was simple: crank up the outrage, mock your opponents, and position anger as a sign of insight. If it made you furious, it must be true. During the Clinton presidency, this approach exploded in popularity. Millions of young men—especially those working trades, driving trucks, or clocking long solo shifts—tuned in daily. For many, Rush was their only consistent “news source,” and he made sure it felt  like truth. The more he sneered, the more “truthful” it sounded. Hate radio wasn’t about information—it was about identity. This era marked the beginning of a dangerous trend: confusing emotional intensity with factual accuracy . And it was just the beginning. What started on AM radio laid the emotional groundwork for today’s hyper-polarized digital world. What does Rush Limbaugh have to do with political violence? Rush Limbaugh’s brand of vitriolic commentary didn’t just entertain—it normalized contempt. By turning political opponents into punchlines and moral enemies, he laid the emotional and ideological groundwork for today’s climate of political violence. Limbaugh's influence trained generations of listeners to see disagreement not as debate, but as war. I saw it unfold in my conservative world. We had been out of high school for eight years when Clinton became President. I saw my peers evolve into the sea of hypocrisy - parroting the violent rhetoric towards President Clinton straight from the mouth of Limbaugh - who was often impaired by opiates - while they reaped the professional, financial, and personal benefits of the Clinton-Gore booming economy. Limbaugh's hateful legacy echoes now in the threats against election workers, the armed confrontations at school board meetings, and even the targeted shootings of public officials. When outrage is treated as evidence and cruelty is packaged as truth, violence stops being unthinkable—it starts to feel justified. Gun Violence Is Rising—And Yes, You Can Support the Second Amendment and   Gun Safety How? It's called COMMON SENSE. Let’s get something straight: I’m a gun enthusiast. I believe in the Second Amendment. I’ve spent hours at the range, I know the value of responsible gun ownership, and I respect the history behind our right to bear arms. I quite literally have an arsenal at my disposal. But none of that means I have to ignore what’s happening in this country. Gun violence in America is not just a statistic—it’s an epidemic. Mass shootings, political assassinations, school lockdowns, drive-by shootings, suicide-by-firearm, and domestic violence with a gun involved—this is the backdrop of daily life now. And pretending it’s just a “mental health” issue while opposing any  kind of reform is lazy, dishonest, and dangerous. You can love guns and still want people to stop dying. You can support the Constitution and still support background checks, red flag laws, and safe storage mandates. You can hunt, shoot, collect, and carry—and still believe that rights come with responsibility. This is not a contradiction. It’s common sense. And it’s time more of us say it out loud. SERIOUS QUESTION: WHY WASN'T GUN SAFETY PURSUED AFTER THE SENSELESS ASSASSINATION OF JOHN LENNON IN 1980? I'm a Beatlemaniac and this question has eaten at me since I was 15. The gun used to kill John Lennon was a Charter Arms .38 Special revolver , fired by Mark David Chapman on December 8, 1980, outside The Dakota apartment building in New York City. Chapman used hollow-point bullets , designed to expand upon impact and cause maximum internal damage—making survival far less likely. I wouldn't use one on an animal let alone A MOTHERFUCKING BEATLE. GET THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT HERE - While the revolver itself was legally purchased in Honolulu, Hawaii, Chapman traveled with both the gun and ammunition across the country to New York, carrying out a premeditated plan. WHAT.....??? Chapman told his wife and his friend he was going to assassinate John Lennon - AND NOBODY SAID A WORD. This disgusts me too. In fact, Chapman had visited New York once before with the weapon but returned home, only to come back again to complete the murder—proving the gun and bullets didn’t just travel with him physically, but psychologically, as part of his obsession. John Lennon 4ever!!!! I can't tell you HOW SICK IT MAKES ME THAT SHOOTING INCIDENTS FROM LENNON, TO OUR KIDS IN SCHOOLS, TO THE INCREASING NUMBER OF BLACK TEENAGERS IN TOLEDO , STILL AREN'T IMPETUSES FOR CHANGE! My high school in Toledo got shot up a couple of years ago. IT'S NOT OK! BTW - George Harrison was stabbed by an intruder on my birthday in 1999. Squirrel - OK back on topic. 🗓️ Political Violence in America (2015–Present) 2015-2017: Charleston Church Shooting (June 2015): Dylann Roof, motivated by white supremacist ideology, murdered 9 African American parishioners during a Bible study at Emanuel AME Church. Planned Parenthood Shooting - Colorado Springs (Nov 2015): Robert Dear killed 3 people and wounded 9 at a Planned Parenthood clinic, citing opposition to abortion. Protests & Violence in Ferguson, MO & Baltimore, MD (2014-2015): While largely starting in 2014, significant unrest, including arson, looting, and clashes with police, continued into 2015 following police killings of Michael Brown and Freddie Gray, highlighting racial tensions and policing issues. Dallas Police Ambush (July 2016): Micah Johnson, motivated by anger over police shootings of Black men, killed 5 police officers and wounded 9 others during a protest. "Unite the Right" Rally - Charlottesville, VA (Aug 2017): White supremacists and neo-Nazis clashed violently with counter-protesters. Heather Heyer was killed when James Alex Fields Jr. drove his car into a crowd. Dozens were injured in street brawls. 2018: Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting (Oct 2018): Robert Bowers, motivated by antisemitic conspiracy theories, killed 11 worshippers at the Tree of Life synagogue. MAGA Pipe Bomber (Oct-Nov 2018): Cesar Sayoc sent pipe bombs to prominent critics of then-President Trump (including politicians and media figures). No one was injured by the devices, which failed to detonate. Violence at Political Rallies/Events: Multiple incidents of clashes between opposing political groups (e.g., Proud Boys, Antifa) occurred at rallies and speaking events. 2019: El Paso Walmart Shooting (Aug 2019): Patrick Crusius, motivated by anti-immigrant and white supremacist rhetoric, killed 23 people and injured 23 others at a Walmart frequented by Hispanic shoppers. Dayton Shooting (Aug 2019): Connor Betts killed 9 people (including his sister) and wounded 27 in a nightlife district. While his precise motive was complex, he had leftist and antifa sympathies and a history of violent ideation against women and minorities. Attack on ICE Facility - Tacoma, WA (July 2019): Willem Van Spronsen fired shots and threw incendiary devices at an ICE detention facility before being killed by police. He left an anti-ICE manifesto. 2020: George Floyd Protests & Unrest (Nationwide, May-June 2020): Widespread protests against police brutality following the murder of George Floyd. While overwhelmingly peaceful, some protests saw significant violence, including: Arson, looting, and property destruction in numerous cities (e.g., Minneapolis, Portland, Seattle, Kenosha). Violent clashes between protesters and police/counter-protesters. Shootings within protest zones (e.g., killing of Aaron Danielson in Portland by Michael Reinoehl). Kenosha Shootings (Aug 2020): During protests after the police shooting of Jacob Blake, Kyle Rittenhouse shot and killed two men and wounded a third. Rittenhouse claimed self-defense and was acquitted. Plot to Kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer (Foiled, Oct 2020): Militia members motivated by anti-government extremism plotted to kidnap and potentially kill the Governor. Attack on Oregon State Capitol (Dec 2020): Armed right-wing protesters breached the building in Salem during a legislative session on COVID restrictions. 2021: January 6th Attack on the U.S. Capitol: Supporters of President Trump, motivated by false claims of a stolen election, stormed the Capitol building to disrupt the certification of the 2020 Electoral College results. The attack resulted in: 5 deaths (including one police officer). Over 140 police officers injured. Widespread property destruction, vandalism, and theft. Numerous injuries among rioters. Portland Ongoing Unrest: Continued clashes between far-right groups, left-wing activists (often associated with Antifa), and police throughout the year, frequently centered around federal buildings or racial justice issues. 2022: Buffalo Supermarket Shooting (May 2022): Payton Gendron, motivated by white supremacist "Great Replacement" theory, killed 10 Black people and wounded 3 others at a Tops supermarket. Attack on Paul Pelosi (Oct 2022): David DePape broke into the home of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, severely assaulted her husband Paul with a hammer, motivated by right-wing conspiracy theories and political animus. Colorado Springs LGBTQ+ Nightclub Shooting (Nov 2022): Anderson Lee Aldrich killed 5 people and wounded 19 at Club Q, an LGBTQ+ venue. While not exclusively political, the targeting of a marginalized group based on identity has significant political and social dimensions. 2023-Present (As of mid-2025): Violence Related to Abortion Rights: Increased incidents of vandalism, arson, and threats targeting abortion clinics and pregnancy centers following the Dobbs decision overturning Roe v. Wade . Attacks on Drag Events & LGBTQ+ Venues: A surge in threats, protests, and some acts of violence (vandalism, intimidation) targeting drag events and LGBTQ+ spaces, often motivated by far-right rhetoric. Political Violence at Rallies & Local Government Meetings: Continued incidents of threats, harassment, and occasional physical violence targeting election officials, school board members, and local officials over issues like COVID policies, education, and elections. There Is No Room For Political Violence In America I don't give AF where you fall on the spectrum of beliefs politically or religiously we have to calm down the hateful rhetoric, start communicating, and figure out how we're going to Atone, Attune, and Attach to one another again I liken the healing of America to a high conflict couple. America Reminds Me Of High Conflict Couples A high-conflict couple  is a pair whose relationship is marked by frequent, intense, and often unresolvable arguments. These couples tend to get stuck in rigid patterns—blame, defensiveness, escalation, and withdrawal—that make even small disagreements feel like full-blown crises. Conflict becomes the norm rather than the exception, and attempts at repair often fall flat or trigger more fighting. It's not that they argue too much —it's that they argue in ways that are emotionally destructive and cyclical. Underneath the surface, high-conflict dynamics are usually driven by deeper issues: attachment wounds, unmet emotional needs, poor regulation skills, and often, a lack of felt safety with one another. Two United States Senators; Mike Lee from Utah and Bernie Moreno from Ohio lie their asses off, spreading hate and misinformation. Sound familiar? The dynamic between a high-conflict couple and the state of American polarization is almost a perfect parallel—both are locked in a cycle of blame, mistrust, and emotional reactivity where neither side feels heard, and every attempt at communication escalates the problem. Just like in a toxic relationship, each side in American politics believes they are the “reasonable one” reacting to the other’s outrageous behavior. There’s little curiosity, no room for vulnerability, and a complete breakdown of good faith. Conflict stops being about solving problems and becomes about being right   and punishing the other . And like many high-conflict couples, America is now at the point where shared goals—safety, freedom, stability—are drowned out by the noise of unresolved resentment. Without intervention, both the couple and the country burn out from emotional exhaustion, unable to move forward because they’re too stuck in winning the past. WE ALL HAVE THE POWER TO INTERVENE. IT'S WITHIN EACH OF US. Political Violence Is a Solvable Problem The dynamics of high-conflict couples bear a striking resemblance to the current state of American political polarization. Both situations involve entrenched patterns of communication, perception, and behavior that fuel division and prevent resolution. Here's how they connect: Communication Breakdown & Demonization: Couples: Partners stop listening, engage in "character assassination," attribute malicious intent to every action, and use absolute language ("You always ..." "You never ..."). Polarization: Opposing sides talk past each other, rely on stereotypes and caricatures ("libtards," "MAGA extremists"), assume the worst motives, and dismiss the other side as fundamentally stupid, evil, or un-American. All-or-Nothing Thinking & Binary Worldviews: Couples: Issues become zero-sum battles where compromise feels like surrender. Nuance disappears ("It's all your fault!" "My way is the only right way!"). Polarization: Complex issues are reduced to simplistic, mutually exclusive choices. Compromise is seen as betrayal of core values ("RINO!" "Sellout!"). Politics becomes a battle between absolute good and absolute evil. Emotional Reactivity & Escalation: Couples: Interactions are dominated by anger, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Small triggers provoke disproportionate reactions, leading to escalating cycles of blame. Polarization: Political discourse is highly emotional (outrage, fear, contempt). Social media algorithms and partisan media amplify emotional reactions, turning disagreements into existential threats. Each side's actions provoke defensive and often exaggerated reactions from the other, escalating conflict. Negative Interpretations & Confirmation Bias: Couples: Partners interpret neutral or even positive actions through a negative filter ("They did that just to annoy me" or "There must be a hidden agenda"). Polarization: Information is filtered through partisan lenses. Actions or statements from the "other side" are automatically interpreted negatively, while negative information about one's own side is minimized or ignored. Conspiracy theories flourish in this environment. "Pursuer-Distancer" Dynamic: Couples: One partner aggressively pursues conflict/discussion (blaming, demanding), while the other withdraws, avoids, or stonewalls. This dynamic locks both into unproductive roles. Polarization: One political faction may push aggressively for rapid change or confrontation (often framed as justice or defense), while the other digs in, resists, and seeks to maintain the status quo or reverse changes (often framed as preserving tradition or security). Each action reinforces the other's stance. Loss of Shared Reality & Identity Fusion: Couples: Partners lose sight of shared goals (a happy relationship, family well-being). Their individual identity becomes fused with "being right" in the conflict. Polarization: Shared national identity or common goals (e.g., a functioning democracy, national prosperity) become secondary to tribal identity (Democrat/Republican, Liberal/Conservative). Identity becomes so fused with the political tribe that criticism of the group feels like a personal attack. Disagreement is perceived as disloyalty. "Conflict Entrepreneurs" Profiting from Division: Couples: Sometimes, external individuals (toxic friends, family members) or internal dynamics (one partner benefiting from chaos) actively fuel the conflict for their own gain or satisfaction. Polarization: Media outlets, politicians, social media influencers, and fundraising organizations often benefit financially or politically by stoking outrage, fear, and division. They act as "conflict entrepreneurs," reinforcing negative stereotypes and discouraging compromise. Lack of Conflict Resolution Skills: Couples: They lack the tools for constructive disagreement, active listening, empathy, finding common ground, or de-escalation. Polarization: Institutions (Congress, media) and societal norms that once facilitated compromise and civil discourse are weakened. There's a deficit in the skills and willingness to engage in respectful dialogue, find common ground, or accept incremental progress. The Core Parallel: A Dysfunctional Relationship Dynamic at Scale American polarization, much like a high-conflict couple, isn't just about disagreement . It's about a dysfunctional relational pattern characterized by toxic communication, mutual demonization, emotional volatility, a loss of shared purpose, and the reinforcement of conflict by parties who benefit from it. Both situations create a self-perpetuating cycle where interaction itself becomes damaging and resolution seems impossible without a fundamental shift in dynamics and the development of healthier communication and conflict resolution skills. In simpler terms, I liken it to a high conflict couple where neither partner have the skills to emotionally regulate themselves. One person Recognizing this parallel is crucial. Solutions for high-conflict couples (therapy focusing on communication, empathy, de-escalation, and shared goals) offer a model, albeit complex, for addressing societal polarization: fostering civil discourse, rebuilding trust in institutions, promoting media literacy, and finding ways to re-establish a sense of shared national identity and purpose beyond tribal affiliations. Let's put this into a context we can all understand. The Couple: Demi & Rip (A Metaphor for America’s Political Polarization) Demi and Rip, depicting our two-party political system in high conflict. Demi (Democrats) Strengths: ✅ Empathy & Inclusion: Advocates for marginalized groups (racial minorities, LGBTQ+, immigrants). Prioritizes social safety nets (healthcare, education, poverty relief). ✅ Adaptability: More open to societal change (e.g., climate action, tech regulation). Values scientific consensus and expert institutions. ✅ Coalition-Building: Skilled at uniting diverse groups under broad ideals ("Big Tent"). Weaknesses: ❌ Idealism Over Pragmatism: Often proposes policies without clear funding/implementation plans ( e.g., Green New Deal optics ). Struggles to message complex ideas simply, alienating working-class voters. ❌ Fragmentation Internal conflicts between progressives and moderates weaken unity ( e.g., "Squad" vs. establishment ). ❌ Elitist Perception Over-reliance on coastal, academic, and urban voices; dismissive of rural/industrial concerns. Core Tension: "Justice without unity." Rip (Republicans) Strengths: ✅ Practicality & Efficiency: Emphasizes fiscal discipline, deregulation, and business growth. Strong messaging on security (borders, military, policing). ✅ Stability & Tradition: Defends institutional continuity (courts, religion, national identity). Mobilizes base with clear cultural symbols ("patriotism," "law and order"). ✅ Decisiveness: Projects strength through unambiguous rhetoric and rapid executive action. Weaknesses: ❌ Rigidity & Fear-Based Messaging: Resists societal shifts (demographic change, LGBTQ+ rights) as "threats." Increasing reliance on conspiracy theories and inflammatory rhetoric. ❌ Short-Termism: Prioritizes tax cuts and corporate interests over long-term infrastructure/investment. ❌ Cult-like Entrenchment: Loyalty tests purge moderates; elevates extremist voices ( e.g., election deniers ). Increasingly detached from evidence-based governance. Core Tension: "Order without justice." Unused Strengths (What They COULD Offer Each Other) Demi’s Gifts to Rip Rip’s Gifts to Demi Compassion for the vulnerable Fiscal accountability Future-focused innovation Respect for tradition Cultural pluralism Community stability Shared Relationship Failures Listening: Neither validates the other’s fears (Demi dismisses Rip’s cultural anxiety; Rip mocks Demi’s equity concerns). Trust: Constant sabotage (Rip blocks Demi’s policies; Demi bypasses Rip via executive orders). Parenting: Exploiting "children" (voters) through fear-mongering instead of modeling healthy conflict. Why They’re Stuck Demi sees Rip as callous, anti-progress, and anti-democracy . Rip sees Demi as naive, anti-liberty, and anti-America . Result: They fight to "win" in the marriage, not to sustain it. The Path to Health A functional partnership would leverage: Demi’s adaptability + Rip’s pragmatism → Sustainable solutions . Demi’s empathy + Rip’s stability → Resilient communities ....but first, they must stop seeing each other as existential threats . This snapshot mirrors America’s crisis: two capable partners, crippled by contempt, wasting their strengths on mutual destruction. Demi and Rip's History: Early Years: Founding and Compromise (1780s–1900s) Courtship & Marriage: They bonded over shared values— freedom, self-governance, and ambition —but had perpetual problems from the start (e.g., slavery, federal power). Honeymoon Phase: Thrived during crises (Revolution, Civil War, WWII) by uniting against external threats . Compromises felt noble ( e.g., New Deal, Civil Rights Act ). Growing Tensions: Disagreements over core needs: Demi : "You ignore justice and community!" Rip : "You trample liberty and tradition!" The Drift: Resentment Builds (1960s–2000s) Communication Breakdown: 1960s–80s : Fights over "family values" (civil rights, abortion, taxes). Stopped listening; talked at each other via media proxies (Fox/CNN). 1990s–2000s : "Gridlock Marriage" . Every conversation became a power struggle ( government shutdowns, impeachment trials ). Cult-Like Loyalties: Joined separate social circles ( activists, donors, media bubbles ). Weaponized their children ( voters ) against each other: "Mom says you’re racist!""Dad says you’re un-American!" High-Conflict Phase (2010s–Present) Demonization: Demi : "Rip is a bigoted, greedy fascist ." Rip : "Demi is a socialist, anti-God traitor ." All-or-Nothing Fights: Compromise = betrayal. Example: COVID response . Demi : "You’re killing people by opposing masks!" Rip : "You’re tyrannical with mandates!" Emotional Escalation: Social media = screaming matches in public. January 6th = Rip’s allies broke into the "family home" (Capitol) to overturn an election. Stonewalling & Sabotage: Rip refuses to attend "family meetings" ( Senate confirmations, debt-ceiling talks ). Demi uses "financial control" ( executive orders ) to bypass Rip. Affairs & Mistrust: Rip flirts with "outsiders" ( populist figures, conspiracy theories ). Demi prioritizes "new friends" ( activist movements ) over Rip’s concerns. What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like A functional "marriage" doesn’t require agreement —but respect, shared goals, and repair skills : Listening Without Weaponizing: Rip : "I hear you fear losing economic control." Demi : "I see you’re scared of systemic injustice." Negotiating, Not Demolishing: Focus on shared "household" needs ( infrastructure, disasters, defense ). Accept that 80% compromise beats 0% progress. Respecting Boundaries: No more "character assassination" via media. Reject violence and sabotage as tools. Therapy & Mediation: Independent referees ( nonpartisan institutions, ranked-choice voting ). "Date nights" ( bipartisan committees, civic rituals ). The Stakes Like a high-conflict couple, Demi and Rip’s toxic dynamic harms everyone in their "house" ( citizens ). Their children ( voters ) mimic their contempt, and the "home" ( democracy ) crumbles from neglect. Healing starts when both admit: "We’re stuck in a cycle we created—and only we can end it." The alternative? A bitter divorce ( national fracture )—where everyone loses. The Solution To Political Violence in America: Atone, Attune, Attach (Applying Gottman’s Infidelity Recovery Model to National Division) Make a commitment with me to end the divide between us! Here’s how to apply "Atone, Attune, Attach" to this crisis: 1. Atone: Acknowledgment and Accountability The first step is public reckoning. For healing to begin, there must be truth-telling . Republican leaders who were involved—or who remained silent—must acknowledge the reality: attempting to override an election with fake electors was a betrayal of democratic norms, and spreading disinformation for political gain undermined national security. Truth telling on the other side: Take inventory of your own conversations. Have you ever mocked someone for being "stupid" instead of curious about why they believe what they believe? Shared a viral headline that fed outrage but wasn’t true? Shamed someone for not being “woke enough”? We can model a better culture by saying, “I didn’t get that one right,” or “I let my emotions get the best of me.” That’s how rupture repair begins. 2. Attune: Emotional Validation and Curiosity Next, comes the hardest part: listening. Not debating, not whataboutism— listening . The right must create space to understand the grief, rage, and fear that many Americans—particularly Democrats, independents, and pro-democracy conservatives—felt in the wake of January 6th, the fake elector plot, and the years of anti-democratic rhetoric. Likewise, The left must resist the temptation to shame and instead focus on expressing what was harmed and why it matters. Attunement means we see each other as people , not caricatures. It’s not a political performance—it’s emotional repair. 3. Attach: Rebuilding Trust Through Shared Commitment Once the injury has been acknowledged and emotions validated, the path forward lies in shared goals and consistent action . Trust doesn’t come back with one apology. It’s rebuilt through ongoing collaboration—on election integrity, civic education, public safety, and institutional reform. Like a couple recovering from infidelity, we don’t have to go back to how it was. We can build something stronger— if  both sides are willing to stop fighting the past and start choosing shared future commitments. This repair theory is evidence based relationship science applied to national survival. Without accountability, there’s no repair. Without emotional connection, there’s no unity. And without a shared sense of purpose, we’re just two angry partners living in the same house, trying to win a fight that’s already destroying the home. I don't want to live like that anymore! We are all Americans! Never forget this!

And How Emotional Regulation Can Help The Kern Family is known for our wonderful parents, Bunny and Ernie, being great neighbors, and being close to one another. We are also known to throw great parties where there was an abundance of music, food, and alcohol. We are a party family. We don't need a reason to throw a party, they just sort of pop up now and again. Alcohol and me don't get along as of this writing and I rarely consume it these days. However, I gave it a really good go for a really long time. There was a time when I'd come home from work and, while making dinner, I'd have a scotch and soda. Or three. Every. single. day. Sometimes even four. A picture my daughter drew circa 1997 I thought it was ok because I was doing all the things - working, paying bills, living in a nice house, raising my daughter, and living my life. I had a great life and I earned a couple of drinks dammit! I had a real pity party going for myself most of the time, telling myself how stressed I was and that there was no hope in sight. Looking back, it was me feeling emotionally dysregulated, inattentive on what was happening in the present moment, and having poor skills to get myself focused and building distress tolerance. A Personal Awakening With Alcohol I grew up in a very traditional family. Bunny was SAH and Ernie worked a regular schedule. Bunny had dinner cooking when Ernie got home around 5:30. She told him - you have one hour for cocktails and after dinner you're done. A crazy boundary to give an alcoholic. Ernie would drink a pint of whiskey in that hour. He's be pretty wasted by dinner time and often get in trouble for talking with food in his mouth, a rule he would have flipped out about when we were little kids. To see him doing it was unsettling to my mother. Now, Bunny was funnier than most comedians so she turned it into humor and would share dinner stories with an enthralled audience. Ernie would shake his head and they'd end up laughing together. That's where I got my "fast drinking" skill and I'd do the same thing. Alcoholism is passed along through generations. The difference is that my dad would wake up the next day and not skip a beat. Me, not so much. I felt tired, anxious, and overwhelmed. I didn't know it yet, but alcohol was sucking the life out of me. Is Alcohol A Stimulant? Many people wonder, “Is alcohol a stimulant or a depressant?” —especially when that first glass of wine seems to take the edge off and boost your mood. The truth is, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant , not a stimulant. That initial burst of energy or confidence comes from alcohol suppressing your brain’s inhibitory systems, which can temporarily reduce anxiety and make you feel more social. However, as blood alcohol levels rise, so does its sedating effect. Over time, regular drinking leads to emotional depletion—disrupting sleep, lowering serotonin, and increasing irritability, anxiety, and fatigue. What feels like a moment of relief often leaves women feeling more dysregulated and exhausted than before. Ladies, our bodies are the most important thing in the universe. Seriously - every single one of us. Whether or not we do it, we're all designed to grow human life, get that life safely into this world, feed it and grow it some more, and then pay for its college 18 years later. While running on a total lack of relaxation - the complete lack of mental, physical, and emotional tension for a period of time. These pictures of drinks are straight off of my personal social media page. I put them here to make a point about how screwed up it is that we use alcohol to self-soothe. That's not criticism on me or you - it's a societal norm that is expected of us. My favorite drink used to be Johnny Walker Black and club soda with lime. My father taught me that a "lady" (lol) orders her cocktail by brand and with a twist. Ernie grew up in the country club scene and our family were members of The Toledo Club, my favorite club in the world and I've been to many around the globe for my work. My job in my former life was for a global company and I attended many high-level functions in the most beautiful places in the world. I've eaten the best food and consumed many cocktails on countless menus. I've partied with coworkers from coast to coast and we still laugh about our shennanigans today. After 1995 I made it a point not to drink at all in professional settings and I got a lot of shit for it. I'd order a club soda with a lime, no booze to get people off of my back about not drinking. Professional peer pressure is real at every level! Take the All About Alcohol Quiz! The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Alcohol We’ve all heard the justifications: “It’s just beer,” “Vodka doesn’t smell,”  or “It’s 5:00 somewhere.”   But these casual phrases often mask deeper patterns of emotional avoidance. Let’s break down the most common lies—and the truth behind them. “It’s Just Beer” You’ve heard it—or said it—before. I have! But alcohol is alcohol , whether it’s in a pint glass or a shot glass. So if you’ve ever Googled “what alcohol is in Twisted Tea”  or “what alcohol is in White Claw,”  here’s your answer: most hard teas, seltzers, and coolers contain the same ethanol  found in hard liquor. Wondering “how much is a fifth of alcohol?”  It’s enough to interfere with your brain chemistry for days. Beer and flavored beverages aren’t safer—they’re just easier to overlook. “Vodka Doesn’t Have a Smell” Let’s clear this up: alcohol absolutely has a smell . While vodka may be more subtle than whiskey, it still lingers on the breath, especially when mixed with carbonated drinks or sugary mixers. If you’ve searched “how long does alcohol stay on your breath,”  the answer is: longer than you think . Depending on how much you drink, it can be detectable for hours—sometimes even into the next day. The real question isn’t “Can people smell it?”—it’s “Why am I trying to hide it?” “It’s 5:00 Somewhere” This myth glorifies the idea that any time is a good time to drink, especially if you’ve had a stressful day. But if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do people drink alcohol?”—the answer isn’t “because it’s 5:00.” People drink to self-soothe, numb, bond, escape, or celebrate. And while none of those needs are shameful, alcohol rarely meets them in the long run. Instead, it leaves many women feeling more anxious, less connected, and increasingly dependent on that first glass to feel okay. “ I Can Stop Anytime I Want” This is one of the most common defense mechanisms—used to delay reflection or change. The truth is, if stopping feels uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing, or unfathomable , it's worth exploring why. Needing alcohol to unwind, sleep, socialize, or cope suggests psychological dependence, even if it doesn’t meet the criteria for addiction. “Wine Is Healthy” Yes, resveratrol exists. No, drinking wine isn’t a heart-health strategy. The quantities needed to benefit from antioxidants far exceed safe alcohol intake, and any minor cardiovascular benefit is outweighed by increased cancer, liver, and brain risks—especially for women. The idea that wine is “good for you” is more about marketing than medicine. “Alcohol Helps Me Sleep” Alcohol may knock you out faster, but it disrupts REM sleep, reduces sleep quality , and increases early morning waking. Many people using alcohol as a nightly sleep aid are unknowingly contributing to long-term fatigue, emotional reactivity, and brain fog. “Everyone Drinks Like This” When your social circle or culture normalizes frequent drinking, it skews your sense of what’s “normal.” But social drinking norms don't equal healthy habits . Many women minimize their consumption because it mirrors friends or media tropes, not because it’s truly moderate or safe. “I Deserve It After the Day I’ve Had” This lie turns alcohol into a reward —a dangerous association when stress, burnout, or resentment are chronic. Using booze to escape from your life keeps the real problems unaddressed, and the cycle going. You deserve rest, boundaries, and peace—not sedation. “Alcohol Helps Me Be Social” Alcohol lowers inhibition , but it doesn’t actually build confidence—it just masks anxiety  and erodes genuine connection. Over time, relying on alcohol to socialize can lead to increased avoidance of sober intimacy, less authentic relationships, and growing self-doubt. Emotional Regulation: A Vital Anchor To Address Alcohol Abuse Emotional regulation, particularly for women, refers to the conscious and unconscious processes used to recognize, understand, manage, and respond adaptively to emotional experiences. It's not about suppressing or eliminating emotions, but rather developing a healthy relationship with them – experiencing the full range of feelings while navigating them effectively without being overwhelmed or resorting to harmful behaviors (like alcohol use). Why Emotional Regulation is Especially Key to Addressing Alcohol Abuse in Women Heightened Vulnerability to Emotional Triggers: Women often experience higher rates of co-occurring mood disorders (depression, anxiety), trauma histories, and chronic stress related to caregiving, work-life balance, and societal expectations. These intense emotions can become powerful triggers for drinking. Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism: Many women initially use alcohol to numb difficult emotions (sadness, anxiety, anger, shame), escape overwhelming stress, or manage social discomfort. It becomes a maladaptive, short-term "solution" that worsens the problem long-term. The Neurobiological Loop: Alcohol disrupts the brain's natural emotional regulation systems (like the prefrontal cortex and amygdala). Chronic use impairs the ability to manage emotions without alcohol, creating a vicious cycle: drink to cope -> impaired regulation -> stronger negative emotions -> urge to drink again. Social & Cultural Factors: Societal pressures on women to be caregivers, suppress anger, or maintain perfectionism can make expressing and processing emotions healthily challenging, increasing reliance on substances. Faster Progression ("Telescoping"): Women often progress from first use to dependency faster than men and experience more severe health consequences. Effective emotional regulation can interrupt this accelerated progression. How Emotional Regulation Skills Helped Me Attention Deficit Disorder typically looks different in boys versus girls; boys are hyperactive and girls are inattentive. I am both - I have a stim , which is rocking back and forth. I'm probably on the spectrum. My brain is wired to be a volcano like most people with ADHD. We have no control over that. Neurospicy, baby! While being neurodivergent can be my superpower, it reeked all kinds of havoc on my for pretty much the first half of my life. Suspended from high school for skipping because I was struggling academically, struggled through college, forgot to take birth control and got pregnant (gasp!), daydreamed my time away, afraid of the world so I made my world super small. missed opportunities, etc. A whole lot of acting out behavior that made things a whole lot worse for me. Jobs, friends, relationships came and went for many years. And the whole world was against me and everything was everyone else's fault. I was totally in my head - my amygdala was hijacked from birth until I learned these skills in my forties. Don't wait that long! Skills for Emotional Regulation For Women Struggling with Alcohol Abuse There are four skills for emotional regulation to help women kick the alcohol habit: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. These evidence-based skills were developed in the 80s by Marsha Linehan, PhD. Treatment using this skills is called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and is the gold standard of treatment for patients who suffer from personality disorders. They work. Here's how: Mindfulness Mindfulness helps you notice more, react less, and choose differently when it comes to alcohol. It's about paying gentle attention to what's happening now . Spot cravings earlier: Notice that "I want a drink" feeling as it starts , not when it's overwhelming. Pause before pouring: Create a tiny space between feeling the urge and actually reaching for the drink. Ask: "Do I really need this right now ?" Break the autopilot habit: Catch yourself before you automatically open the wine while cooking or after work. Choose instead. See your triggers clearly: Notice what really makes you want a drink (stress, loneliness, boredom, certain people/situations). Ride out the urge: Watch the craving like a wave – feel it rise, peak, and fade without acting on it . It passes. Ground yourself in the moment: Use your senses right now (What do you see? Hear? Feel?) to calm down instead of numbing out. Be kinder to yourself: Notice self-critical thoughts ("I'm weak," "I failed") without believing them. This reduces shame-driven drinking. Distress Tolerance Distress Tolerance gives you tools to handle crisis moments without alcohol . It's about getting through the storm, not necessarily stopping the rain. Feel feelings without freaking out:  Notice anger, stress, or sadness without letting them push you straight to the bottle. "This is stress, not an emergency." Survive intense urges: Get through overwhelming cravings or painful emotions without drinking , just for this moment . Distract wisely: Temporarily shift focus away from the urge (call a friend, watch a funny clip, clean a drawer). Soothe your senses: Calm your body right now (hold ice, smell something strong, take a hot/cold shower). Improve the moment: Make a tough situation slightly better (hum a tune, look at nature pics, repeat a calming word). Accept "right now": Acknowledge "This feeling is awful, but I don't have to fix it with a drink this minute ." Remember "This will pass": Urges and distress feel permanent, but they always fade if you don't feed them with alcohol. Prevent making it worse: Avoid actions that create bigger problems (like drinking to numb pain, which leads to more pain). Emotional Regulation Emotional Regulation helps you understand, manage, and respond to your feelings in healthier ways – so you don't need alcohol to cope. It's about being the boss of your emotions, not the other way around. Name your feelings: Say "I'm stressed" or "I'm lonely" out loud or in your head . This takes their power away. Don't let feelings boss you around: Feel anger, sadness, or boredom without letting them force you to drink. "I feel ___, but I choose not to act on it." Calm your body first: Use quick tricks like deep breathing or splashing cold water on your face when emotions feel too big. Challenge the "drink now!" thought: Ask: "Is this feeling really an emergency? Will alcohol actually fix it, or make it worse later?" Find healthy outlets: Express feelings instead of numbing them – try journaling , a quick walk, or talking it out. Be your own friend: Talk kindly to yourself when struggling ("This is hard, but I'm doing my best"), not harshly ("I'm weak"). Learn your patterns: Notice which emotions (stress? loneliness?) most often trigger your urge to drink. Reduce emotional intensity: Practice skills before crises so everyday stress doesn't build up and scream for alcohol. Interpersonal Effectiveness Interpersonal Effectiveness helps you navigate relationships and social pressure confidently – so you can protect your choices and reduce drinking triggers. It's about building stronger connections without the crutch. Say "no" to that drink easily: Politely decline offers without guilt or over-explaining. ("No thanks, I'm good!") Ask for support clearly: Tell trusted people exactly how they can help you (e.g., "Can we meet for coffee instead of drinks?"). Handle pressure smoothly: Stay firm when others push you to drink, without getting defensive or giving in. Set boundaries around drinking: Be clear about your limits (e.g., "I won't go to bars for now," "Please don't bring wine to my house"). Resolve conflict soberly: Deal with arguments or tension without using alcohol to avoid or escalate. Keep chats calm without booze: Manage anxiety in social situations using conversation skills, not liquid courage. Protect your sobriety goals: End conversations or leave situations that feel too risky for your drinking goals. Reduce relationship stress: Solve problems and express needs directly, so you're less tempted to drink to cope. Be patient with your progress. Small steps add up: Noticed a trigger? That’s awareness. Paused before reacting? That’s growth. Chose a walk over wine? That’s victory. Every effort counts. Every emotion you lean into—without alcohol—strengthens your resilience. Keep exploring what works for you . You’re not just building skills; you’re reclaiming your power. You deserve this journey. Be gentle with yourself on the way. Immediate Crisis Support 🚨 National Helplines (24/7, Free & Confidential): SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 ( Treatment referrals, English/Spanish ) National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 ( Press 1 for Veterans ) Crisis Text Line: Text "HELLO" to 741741 💊 Medical Detox Guidance: Contact your doctor or ER immediately if experiencing: Severe withdrawal symptoms (seizures, hallucinations) Suicidal thoughts Alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening—never quit cold turkey without medical supervision. Specialized Treatment Programs for Women 🌸 Women-Only Rehab Programs: Hazelden Betty Ford Women's Recovery Center Trauma-informed care, childcare support, parenting programs. Caron’s Women’s Program Focus on co-occurring disorders (depression/anxiety/eating disorders). 🏡 Outpatient Support: SHE RECOVERS Foundation Online meetings, coaching, and resources for women in recovery. SAMHSA Treatment Locator Filter by "Women’s Services" for gender-responsive care. Peer Support Communities 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧 Women-Specific Groups: Women for Sobriety (WFS): womenforsobriety.org Non-spiritual, empowerment-based meetings (online/in-person). LifeRing Secular Recovery: lifering.org Gender-separated groups; science-based approach. 🤝 Inclusive Support Groups: SMART Recovery: smartrecovery.org Cognitive-behavioral tools (free online meetings). Tempest (Online): jointempest.com Feminist, trauma-informed recovery program ($). Mental Health & Trauma Resources 🧠 Dual Diagnosis Support: NAMI Helpline : 1-800-950-6264 For co-occurring mental health disorders. 🦋 Trauma Recovery: RAINN : 1-800-656-4673 Sexual assault trauma counseling. The Refuge: Trauma-Informed Yoga/Meditation Mindfulness programs for addiction recovery. Books & Educational Tools 📚 Science-Based Reading: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace ( Challenges alcohol myths ) Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker ( Feminist recovery framework ) 📱 Apps for Accountability: I Am Sober : Track progress, community support. Reframe : Neuroscience-based daily coaching. Financial & Practical Aid 💳 Low-Cost/Free Options: Moderation Management Harm-reduction approach (free meetings) . State-Funded Programs: Contact local County Behavioral Health Services . 🌎 Virtual Support (Global Access): In The Rooms Free online recovery meetings (AA, SMART, WFS, etc.). Key Considerations for Women Biological Factors: Women develop alcohol-related health issues faster than men. Stigma: Fear of judgment (especially as mothers/caregivers) delays seeking help. Hormonal Links: Alcohol worsens PMDD, perimenopause, and mental health. Safety: Prioritize programs with trauma-trained staff ( >70% of women in treatment report abuse histories ). Recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Your worth isn’t defined by your struggles. Support exists, and healing is possible. For local resources: 🔍 Search: "Women's substance abuse help near me" + "[Your County] low-cost rehab"💡

Stop Emotional Spirals with Science-Backed Tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Guide to Managing Panic Attacks The first time I had a panic attack, I was in my forties. It was noon during a busy workweek. I couldn’t catch my breath. My heart was racing, and my arm went numb. I was convinced I was having a heart attack. Calm on the outside and panicking inside, I drove myself to the hospital. When I walked in, clutching my chest, they quickly escorted me back to the ER. They attempted to put me in a wheelchair, but I refused. All I wanted was answers. Is this it for me? Is my life going to end here in the ER of St. Anne's Hospital in Toledo? Nobody in my family even knows I'm here! Should I call them? Will they call them? Oh my God, what about my daughter? How would she manage without me? Where is my will? Who knows how to find it? Nobody at work even knows I'm missing! What if someone is looking for me? Am I going to get fired? Holy crap! I feel terrible! My heart is racing; it’s going to explode! What will that feel like? Will I bleed out everywhere? What is happening to me? Recognizing the Racing Thoughts To make a long story short, the medical team recognized that I was experiencing a panic attack. They gave me medication to calm my body down. After that, they sent me home. Yes, I drove myself home, and my family was furious that they had no idea what occurred! Someone in my family said, "Next time, just breathe!" What?? Why "Just Breathe" Fails (And What Actually Works) As someone who struggles with anxiety, certain phrases make me feel worse: “Calm down, there’s nothing to worry about.” “You’re overreacting; it’s not a big deal.” “Just think positive thoughts.” “Why can’t you just get over it?” “You’re being dramatic.” “Stop making a scene.” “Other people have it worse than you.” “You should just breathe and relax.” “This is all in your head.” “You need to toughen up.” Here’s the truth: those of us suffering from anxiety and panic already know we should calm down and "just breathe." Do you want to learn how to journal? Download the Therapy Journal For Beginners for FREE . Physiological Responses During a Panic Attack: Why "Just Breathe" Doesn't Work During a panic attack, the body goes through intense physiological changes driven by the "fight or flight" response. Here's what commonly happens: Elevated Heart Rate : Your heart races, creating feelings of palpitations due to adrenaline. Hyperventilation : Fast and shallow breathing can lower carbon dioxide levels, leading to dizziness. Muscle Tension : Muscles may tighten up, leading to discomfort or pain. Increased Sweat : You might sweat excessively, feeling clammy as your body reacts to perceived danger. Digestive Issues : Your digestive system may react negatively, causing nausea or stomach cramps. Involuntary Shaking : Trembling may occur as the body prepares for action. Choking Sensation : You might feel like you can’t breathe, which intensifies panic. A Sense of Unreality : Some people report feeling detached, which can be distressing. Overwhelming Fear : Panic attacks often bring a fear of losing control, going crazy, or even dying. So, if a patient is having a panic attack during a session with me, I wouldn’t say, "Just calm down and breathe!" Can you imagine? You're feeling panic, and your therapist tells you to calm down? You’d think, "No kidding! I should have figured that out myself!" After that, you likely wouldn’t return for more sessions. Am I right? How to Calm Yourself Down Panic attacks can be overwhelming, often mimicking symptoms of other medical conditions, like a heart attack. Understanding physiological responses can help you manage your experiences more effectively. Understanding the Anxiety Scale Familiarizing yourself with the Anxiety Scale is crucial. The scale ranges from 1 (calm) to 10 (panic). This awareness allows you to intervene before escalating to a panic attack. Keying Up: Your muscles and chest begin to tense up. Increased Pressure: You may feel pressure or tightness in your chest, indicating physical anxiety. If you want to manage your anxiety symptoms, start by familiarizing yourself with the Anxiety Scale. Look through the terms on the Anxiety Scale, from 1 to 10, and recognize how each level feels in your body. The aim of the Anxiety Scale is to help you become aware of your body’s signals before reaching panic. Early intervention can make a significant difference. 7 Evidence-Based Skills for Crisis Moments Interventions for mood disorders like anxiety, depression, or mania are straightforward. In fact, all interventions in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are simple. The challenge lies in actually applying these techniques when needed most. When we begin to spiral, we must commit to taking a different action. This commitment is one of the hardest things we'll ever face. Changing our reactions to physical sensations and mental cues is tough. Our brains tend to head toward panic mode. Panic distorts our perception of reality. It can feel like imminent danger is lurking around every corner. These beliefs are part of the anxiety disorder. It's vital to restore control over our thoughts and emotions, even though it's not easy. Let’s simplify things: Print this out below and keep it with you for those times you feel like you're going towards the edge! Mindfulness HOW : Observe thoughts or sensations without judgment (e.g., "My heart is racing… and that’s just a fact."). WHY : Stops the "thought → fear → worse thought" cycle by engaging the prefrontal cortex, or PFC , which is the rational part of our brain. Our brains are at risk of getting "hijacked" by the limbic system to which our amygdala belongs, also known as our emotions. Those pesky emotions (!) takes our focus off of the present moment and shifts us into "autopilot" - racing thoughts, catastrophizing, whole arguments with people in our head, all the shit we have to do with no time to do it all, etc. Mindfulness is a skill that's built when we intentionally and gently bring our focus back to the here and now. You have to practice, practice, and practice some more. MINDFULNESS IS THE SKILL UPON WHICH ALL GOOD MENTAL HEALTH IS BUILT. Engage Your Wise Mind HOW : Ask, "What’s the most loving AND logical response right now?" (e.g., "Rather than walking away from this hard thing, I’ll sip water, not bolt."). WHY : Balances the emotional (amygdala) and logical brains, PFC, to prevent impulsive reactions. Name one time you've acted out when pissed off and impulsive where it made things better for you and not worse? Me - 0. And I used to act out A LOT. Our brains are wired to feel a whole lotta stuff (check out The Feelings Wheel ). These skills don't change how you feel, your feelings are never wrong. What gets us into trouble is how we behave when we're in our feelings. The goal and the challenge is to keep the rational brain engaged while we're feeling intensely so we behave in ways that make things better, not worse. Simple, and yet so, so hard to do because it's a skill we have to build. Name How You Feel HOW : Whisper your exact emotion, like "This is dread, not danger." or "My panic is a false alarm." Use The Feelings Wheel to help you! WHY : Labeling feelings can cut amygdala activation by 50% based on UCLA fMRI studies. Human emotions, for which our brains are wired, tell us how to act and react to the millions of experiences we have all day every day of our lives. People tell me all the time - "I'm not an emotional person", or "I don't do emotions like that," or "I don't feel anything." INACCURATE. People with emotional regulation skills don't always like the way we feel, and we have skills that help us to act in ways that make things better, not worse. Labeling how you feel is an important part of that. Self-Soothe HOW : Use one sense intensely (e.g., hold an ice cube, breathe in lavender oil, or hum a low tone). WHY : Sensory input activates the parasympathetic nervous system , reducing fight-or-flight responses. We live our life through our senses; our five senses - taste, touch, smell, sight, and sound. All send signals to the emotional brain, the amygdala, which tells us how to act or react in response to what is happening. Our family of origin teaches us to develop the inner critic, usually the voice of an unempathetic caretaker, or we learn to self-soothe and key ourselves down. Stay In Reality HOW : Remember the acronym: ACCEPTS when you start to disassociate: A ctivity that's meaningful to you; C ontribute to something or someone meaningful to you; C ompare how you're coping with a time you didn't cope so well; E motionally focus on things that make you feel better (books, a movie, etc); P ush away the urge to fight reality; T houghts cause feelings so keep them in the present moment; S enses are how we take in our lives so use them to refocus in the present moment. WHY : Anchoring you in the present moment silences catastrophic thoughts. When anxiety and panic start to key us up the PC/thinking part of the brain shuts down, which causes a dream-like sensation. Smelling salts bring people back to reality through a strong smell. We can then refocus our energy. Change Your Body Temp HOW : Dunk your face in ice water for 10 seconds or press a cold pack to your cheeks or wrist. WHY : Triggers the dive reflex , slowing your heart rate via the vagus nerve within 20 seconds. Changing our body temperature is a sensory experience. Remember that the senses keep us grounded and in the present moment. Scan Your Body HOW : Mentally scan for tension spots (like your jaw or shoulders) and lightly whisper, "Unclench now." WHY : Releases trapped muscle tension that fuels panic loops. Learn how to do a progressive muscle relaxation exercise to release tension here: Calm Is a Skill—And You Can Master It Panic lies to you, insisting you’re trapped in chaos. But science reveals a different story: Your nervous system is trainable. Your mind is resilient. These seven skills make up your toolkit for managing anxiety effectively. ✨ Remember This Calm isn’t passive —it’s the brave choice to use skills over instincts when fear strikes. Progress isn’t linear —some days, skills work instantly; others, you need to try harder. Your brain rewires with practice —every time you engage a skill, you weaken panic's grip. 🚀 Your Next Step Choose ONE skill that resonates with you (e.g., "When I feel tension rise, I’ll count three things I see." ). Download your 7 Panic Prevention Skills - free download link above! Debrief after distress : “Did this skill reduce intensity by 10%? What might help next time?” “Between the crisis and the calm is a choice. Today, you’ve gained more choices.” —Inspired by Dr. Marsha Linehan, creator of DBT. You are not broken. You’re learning. Every time you use these skills, you reclaim a piece of your peace.

And What To Do About It! Congressman Jim Jordan is my neighbor. What I mean by that is he represents a district in Ohio that's close to mine. Every county Jordan represents is a beautiful, rural stretch of bountiful Ohio; my home state. Up until 2009 I was a faithful and proud fan of the Ohio State Buckeyes. That is, until my daughter the rebel was accepted into the University of Michigan. I flipped my script and I never looked back (Don't judge me!!) A deep part of my heart will always root for the Buckeyes in every other context but for the one day of the year they play football against the Michigan Wolverines. Go Big 10 I say! Jim Jordan has long been associated through the rumor mill to the sexual abuse committed by Dr. Richard Strauss against Ohio State athletes; as the Buckeyes promoted Strauss over a twenty year span his victim base grew to other students. Jordan was four-time State of Ohio champion wrestler and graduated from high school in St. Paris, Ohio the same year as me - 1982. He won NCAA wrestling titles for the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In 1987 Jim landed what is a dream job for many an Ohio wrestler; assistant wrestling coach under head coach Russ Hellickson at The Ohio State University. He stayed until 1995. This period of time should have been golden for the young men who made it to the best damn school in the land - THE Ohio State University! Few times are more character building in a man's life as the time he enters the grandeur of being a student at this magnificent school. Now, to give full disclosure here, I am bound by my license to live in reality. So the entire Ohio Republican party buying into spreading the lie that the 2020 election was rigged against Trump is embarrassing. I have been a proud Registered Republican since 1983 (Don't hate me!). Jim Jordan hooking up with James Comer to spread election fraud lies has been a complete embarrassment to our state. LIVING IN REALITY: There was no widespread voter fraud in the 2020 election AND Trump tried to overthrow a free and fair election. Jim Jordan lies about this. To find out this MFer was the assistant coach that ignored his players reporting sexual assault from the team doctor is too much. WTF Jim Jordan. Surviving Ohio State I'm going to let you know right now that the HBO documentary, "Surviving Ohio State" is a maddening account of the rise of Dr. Richard Strauss at The Ohio State University and the victims' accounts of their experiences with him is gut wrenching. Dr. Richard Strauss was given cart blanche to rape these young men right under Jordan's nose and he continues to lie about it, even though many victims reported the abuse to him. The film traces the trauma of eight Ohioans. Each describes the pride and achievement they felt being an athlete and going to school on a full ride scholarship at the world renowned OSU. My very Ohio upbringing includes two older brothers, a very engaged father, and a ton of male friends around me, as I graduated from Whitmer High School; once the largest high school in Ohio. I've been surrounded by males my entire life - athletic Ohio males. I've seen a couple of my friends coach and play professionally. The vibe of a male athlete from Ohio can be characterized by several key traits and cultural influences. These dudes exhibit a strong competitive nature, driven by a desire to win and excel in their sport. This competitiveness is reflected in their training, teamwork, and interactions with peers. A passion for sports is central to their identity, whether it's football, basketball, baseball, or wrestling. This enthusiasm often extends beyond their own participation to a deep appreciation for local and national sports teams. There is often an embodiment of traditional masculine values, including toughness, resilience, and a sense of loyalty. This influences their interactions and relationships both on and off the field. Many athletes take pride in their Ohio heritage, often showcasing their love for the state through sports affiliations, local slang, and references to regional culture. As soon as they started talking on screen I felt like I knew every one of these guys. Victims of Dr. Strauss: L - R: Stephen Snyder Hill, Brian Garrett, Mike Schyck, and Michal DiSabato. Photo credit: The Columbus Dispatch The Ohio State University Board of Trustees has handled the Strauss abuse scandal so poorly. Despite acknowledging that the abuse occurred and reports indicating that faculty members were aware of the misconduct - Jim Jordan, a United States Representative for Ohio District 4 - totally gerrymandered - the board has failed to take sufficient action to support the victims or ensure accountability. It can be argued that the university's continued defense and lack of transparent reforms suggest an ongoing effort to protect its reputation rather than prioritize justice for those harmed. This approach has deepened public outrage and raised questions about the institution’s commitment to accountability and victim support in the aftermath of one of the most devastating misconduct scandals in its history. At Penn State, the Jerry Sandusky abuse scandal in 2011 was met with widespread outrage after it was revealed that university officials, including head football coach Joe Paterno, knew of Sandusky’s misconduct years earlier but failed to take appropriate action. The university faced severe consequences, including NCAA sanctions, a new leadership overhaul, and a national conversation about institutional neglect and the importance of protecting victims. The scandal prompted significant reforms in policies for reporting and preventing abuse. In contrast, Michigan State University was heavily criticized for its handling of Larry Nassar, the USA Gymnastics team doctor, who sexually abused hundreds of victims over decades. While some MSU officials were aware of suspicions or misconduct, there was a widespread failure to act swiftly or decisively. This led to legal settlements, leadership changes, and reforms aimed at improving response procedures. The scandal also pointed to systemic issues in how institutions manage allegations. OSU was slow in its response and initially focused on protecting its reputation rather than supporting victims. Overall, each case reveals institutional failures to adequately protect victims. Penn State’s scandal resulted in immediate and sweeping reforms driven by public outrage; MSU’s Nassar case prompted widespread internal investigation and reforms after delayed responses; OSU’s Strauss scandal has been criticized for lack of transparency and insufficient action. These cases underscore the importance of institutional accountability and proactive measures to prevent abuse and support victims. So, why don't we the taxpayers and donors demand them from these public institutions? Why do the great Ohioans in District 4 keep electing Jim Jordan? The OSU survivors not only faced the trauma of the abuse itself but also experienced harassment , dismissal , and discouragement  from the university and sports staff, effectively silencing them. And then there is a thing called DOXXING. Institutional Betrayal In My Backyard This may sound dumb at my age but this is my blog and I don't care! I love my high school - Whitmer Panthers! My middle and elementary school too. The Washington Local Schools administrative building is literally across the street from my backyard. I was truly blessed to grow up in - and get this - I live in my family home again - this amazing community. A community that doxxed me in 2015 when I learned that the Superintendent, Patrick Hickey, had had inappropriate relationships with his students when he was their coach and teacher in a school system up in Michigan. The place where my family has spent every summer in The Irish Hills and where the Kern name is well known. I got dragged into this cluster fuck of a mess after Hickey hit the local news and social media for harassing a teacher with whom he had allegedly had an affair, after she ended the relationship. Her husband was also a teacher and, because Hickey wouldn't leave her alone, intervened on her behalf. Hickey broke every employment law and ripped her husband - also his employee - a new asshole in email using the school's email system. This dude was egregious and one of his student victims caught the story on the evening news. This victim, who I did not know before this, knows a long-time family friend. I didn't know Hickey or anyone in WLS for that matter before. It's unclear to me why Hickey's name came up between them, but the outcome was the family friend asking me if it was ok to give this victim my name and number; the family friend knows I'm a therapist and the victim wanted to speak out. We got connected and I heard her story. She wanted the school board to know about what he had done to her in light of what he was doing to the teacher and her husband. So, I went to the school board to facilitate a connection. Instead of the Board meeting with the victim, some of the members took to social media calling me out for falsely accusing Hickey of rape. Commence the doxxing. Doxxing: When someone's private or personal information is disclosed publicly without their consent, predominantly on the internet. This sensitive data can encompass a range of details, including their real name, home address, phone number, email address, and other identifying information. Doxxing is conducted with malicious intent, aiming to harass, intimidate, or even incite harm against the individual whose information has been laid bare. It represents a grave violation of privacy, and the fallout can be significant, leading to emotional distress, harassment, and potential physical danger for the victim. It's crucial for individuals to safeguard their personal information and remain vigilant about their online presence to mitigate the risks associated with this disturbing trend. While this story is for another day, suffice to say I spent two years and thousands of dollars defending my counseling license against frivolous claims unrelated to any care I've given, I lost an employment contract and had to file for bankruptcy. A Michigan State Police Officer, Detective Sergeant Larry Rothman , did connect with the victim. And another. And yet, another. The Washington Local Board of Education didn't fire Hickey. They allowed him to resign and they paid him (allegedly) around $250,000 as he exited. But that wasn't the end of Hickey in the district. Hickey ran for and won a seat on the Washington Local Schools Board of Education in November 2017. His presence on the board led to significant community tension and polarization. I'll write more about this story another time. Patrick Hickey was sentenced to prison in 2019 . He pleaded guilty to a charge of gross sexual imposition related to an incident that occurred in the 1990s. Hickey and his cult harassed me, my family and the two friends that stood behind me and supported me so hard that they almost succeeded and silencing others, as had been so successful for him in years past. HICKEYLAND: Similar to the MAGA cult, members of the Washington Local Community were bamboozled by a predator with very poor impulse control. As I learned later members of the WLS BOE knew about his disturbing past and did nothing to protect the 8,000 students or the female employees, most of whom were all googly-eyed over his dark charisma and they fought over him. Literally, in the school parking lot. Anyhoo - you get the gist. Some of Hickey's most vehement supporters have come, gone and some remain on the Board of Education. For example, Brady Hall was a student when the Hickey situation went down. Posing as an adult on social media, Hall spent copious amounts of time spreading misinformation about the Hickey case. His mother expressed her support and pride in him. Hall was first elected to the Washington Local Schools Board of Education in 2021. He was convicted of underage drinking and driving under the influence in February 2024. Just before his 19th birthday he was pulled over for going 42 in a 25 under a suspended license. The current BOE president Mike Murphy claims they can't fire him, so he remains on the board influencing our kids and our tax dollars. Incidentally Murphy claims that the January 6th attack against the Capitol was a peaceful protest. Basically, our kids are fucked if we don't do something different. What To Do The comparison between the OSU Strauss scandal, the Hickey controversy in Washington Local Schools, and other institutional failures underscores a troubling pattern: systems entrusted with protecting our children and students consistently fall short, often covering up or minimizing wrongdoing rather than confronting it head-on. At The Ohio State University, despite public acknowledgment that Dr. Richard Strauss’s decades of abuse occurred, the university’s slow and guarded response, along with the defense by some alumni and faculty, exemplifies how institutional interests often take precedence over victim support. Similarly, in Washington Local Schools, the administration and school board’s decision to allow Patrick Hickey to resign—despite evidence of his misconduct—and his subsequent return to influence district leadership spotlight a profound failure to safeguard students. Both cases reveal a disturbing tendency for Ohio’s educational institutions and systems to prioritize reputation and denial over transparency and accountability. These failures perpetuate a cycle where abusers are protected, and victims are left unheard—erosion of trust that risks leaving our children more vulnerable. It’s clear that meaningful change is needed, starting with reforms that demand transparency, accountability, and an unwavering commitment to keeping kids safe over protecting institutional reputation. How to Take Action and Protect Our Democracy In a time when institutional failures threaten the fabric of our society, the most powerful thing we can do is stay vigilant and active. Here are seven #MakeChange actions inspired by On Tyranny  to help us protect our social contracts and ensure a future rooted in truth and justice: Watch and pay attention to your local school board. Stay informed about decisions affecting the education of the kids, regardless of whether or not you have a kid in school. Be involved and voice your concerns when necessary. You'll learn a lot about the future of our nation by listening to what your school board is doing. Demand independence and trustworthiness from institutions. What are you supposed to be paying attention to, you ask? Transparency and accountability in schools, government, and community organizations—demand that they serve the public’s best interests. A school board president telling our kids that 1/6 was a peaceful protest is not in their best interest. Taking food resources away from single moms and kids is not in the public's best interest. Practice Moral Courage. Admittedly, I didn't always handle being doxxed well. But if had it to do over again I'D DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. It takes courage to stand up for what’s right, even if it’s uncomfortable or risky. Courage I didn't know I had to be honest. It was scary and it really sucked at times. It was important though! Be willing to speak out against injustice and defend truth. Protect the truth. Outrage is NOT TRUTH. Stop listening to the paid influencers on their podcasts and social media. Pope Leo wasn't even warm in the papal hat before a false quote from him was shared 'round the world. Stop being part of the misinformation loop and only share verified information, question sources, and challenge misinformation whenever you encounter it - which is ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Resist normalizing an authoritarian government in the United States of America. Our society is not doing well right now. That is REALITY. More reality - it's because just over 77 million Americans voted for it because they have fallen victim to the lies. Reject rhetoric or policies that diminish our democracy, and advocate for the democratic values we hold dear - liberty and justice for all, not just white Boomer America. Find your people and mobilize with them. Build supportive, like-minded communities that share your values, so collective action can create meaningful change. I joined Adam Kinzinger's non partisan group, Country First in 2022. I found conservatives and liberals alike talking about solutions in defending democracy. You're bright and capable, and you'll be super surprised at how many people feel just like you do. GET INVOLVED — QUIT FIGHTING REALITY. Don’t retreat into denial; instead, engage actively in your community, local politics, and civic life. Your participation is vital to safeguarding our democracy. While nobody was knocking on my door to apologize to me for bankrupting me with the lies spread, I.WOULD.DO.IT.ALL.OVER.AGAIN. Why? BECAUSE I LOVE MY COMMUNITY AND I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT OUR KIDS AND THE WORLD WE LEAVE THEM. Every small action adds up. By staying vigilant, speaking out, and working together, we can reinforce the social contract and ensure that our society remains free, fair, and rooted in truth. WE ARE IN CHARGE OF THESE INSTITUTIONS AND WE MUST PRESERVE THEM. WE ARE ALL AMERICANS.

This is a case study presented to educate the cheating partner trying to recover from discovery from an affair. Our couple, Tom and Sharon, and their case, is based on real issues I encounter while treating couples in therapy to repair. While the characters "Tom" and "Sharon" aren't real people they accurately represent how partners often sink the repair process by withholding information, staying connected to the affair partner, and trying to move on too quickly. Cheating is a coping mechanism that a person engages in for one reason: delusion. This article is written for the cheater to help you get your train back on the track after getting caught or fessing up. The cheater creates a narrative in their mind's eye about the relationship; not getting enough attention, unappreciated for what they do, lack of sexual connection, poor communication and boredom. That's not to say those dissatisfactions aren't real or true. One person may cope by turning towards their spouse and having a hard conversation and work towards improving the connection. Another person may cope by staying busy with work, kids or hobbies. Others may decide there is no repair possible in the marriage and they get a divorce. And then there are a group of people who cope with their relationship dissatisfaction by turning to another person for emotional and/or sexual connection. 📊 “Estimates suggest that infidelity occurs in about a quarter of all marriages.” (Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health, 2023, 20, 3904, p. 9) This cautionary case study takes you through the experiences of a couple, Tom and Sharon, who faced numerous challenges during their treatment journey due to several factors: lack of ability for partners to control their impulses, self soothe, and tell the whole truth. Why People Cheat Simply answered: People cheat in their relationships because of what they tell themselves about the committed relationship they're in at the time they cheat. A person who feels emotionally starved is at risk of creating a negative narrative about the spouse they perceive is doing the starving. Different sexual appetites between partners can create a chasm of emotional connection, for which the outcome is a narrative that can lead a vulnerable partner to seeking connections elsewhere. What makes the difference between someone who cheats and someone who doesn't is how they cope with relationship dissatisfaction. Coping includes controlling impulses to talk to and connect with another person outside of the marriage, the degree to which the person is able to self-soothe, and the level of conscientiousness the person possesses. The responsibility of leading the repair falls squarely on the shoulders of the cheater. That doesn't mean the cheater does all the work alone; that's not repair. It means it's up to YOU, the cheater, to take control and lead you and your partner through the 3 phases of affair repair. Our Repair Couple Tom and Sharon The Case of Tom and Sharon This case study examines the dissolution of a 32-year marriage between Tom and Sharon following Tom’s prolonged affair with a younger woman. Drawing on peer-reviewed research, this article explores how delayed disclosure, secrecy, longstanding resentments, and extended family involvement impaired the couple’s opportunity for relational repair. Tom's delayed transparency and mixed feelings about his affair partner damaged Sharon's trust and her desire to reconcile, resulting in their divorce. This situation highlights the challenges of recovering from infidelity, aligning with Whisman and Snyder's (2016) research, which stresses the importance of prompt accountability and emotional connection for healing after an affair. When Tom and Sharon came into therapy they were both committed to repair after Tom was forced to tell Sharon about the affair. This disclosure followed a suspicious phone call where Tom accidentally left a message for his affair partner on his daughter-in-law's phone. Their names are similar and next to each other in his contacts on the phone. The DIL thought the message was for Sharon and played it for her; Sharon realized immediately that the message wasn't for her. Tom and Sharon's son helped Sharon confirm the affair, prompting Tom to admit he had been in a yearlong relationship with a woman he reconnected with at a coffee shop—someone known to their family. The mother of their son's friend from high school. Sharon's mind was blown as her reality crumbled around her. Cheating is a leading cause of divorce in America. Research shows that men typically cheat on women for a sexual connection and women typically cheat on men for an emotional connection. Those are driving factors that test one's ability to cope in a way that helps or hurts the relationship. What's also prevalent in research is that regret is especially high—up to 80% —among those who divorced impulsively, didn’t fully work through issues, or used divorce as a quick fix . So, what do you do when you've been caught? The Three Phases of Repair: Atone, Attune, Attach Learning that you're being cheated on is akin to being dropkicked in the head: it's a blow to the brain. Like JFK assassination level mind blown. So you can bet that the blowback after an affair is discovered is going to be at a nuclear level. And everyone acted so surprised when serial cheater Tiger Woods' wife bashed his windshield in with one of his clubs. C'mon! Given that Tiger has at the very least narcissistic tendencies (how could he not?) it's likely that he colossally failed at any kind of a repair attempt. Our brains respond very similarly to that of a person suffering from posttraumatic stress. Intrusive thoughts, catastrophizing, rage, sensory overload, and deep depression are all part of the emotional fallout of the partner who has been cheated on. Even the beautiful Elin Nordegren lost her shit. The case of Tom and Sharon provides a detailed illustration of why some couples fail to recover from infidelity despite structured therapeutic interventions, offering practical lessons for cheaters to follow if they want to repair their relationship. Early Sessions Tom (57) and Sharon (54) are married for 32 years, residing in midwestern suburb. They share an adult son, married, whose wife eventually played a role in Sharon learning the affair was ongoing. Tom rekindled contact with Marissa , the mother of their son’s friend from childhood, after an unexpected encounter at a coffee shop three years prior. Marissa, significantly younger, confided in Tom about her struggles and came to view him as a stable figure, deepening their bond into an emotional and later sexual relationship. 3 Things You Must Do To Repair the Damage If you're reading this because you cheated and you want to repair the damage you must be prepared to do the work and weather the nuclear storm. I can tell after the first session whether or not the cheating partner is ready to do what it takes to own the behavior and the damage, Tom and Sharon had their first session shortly after the affair was disclosed. Sharon started by tearfully stating she was seeking transparency, accountability, and emotional repair. She was feeling violated as she connected dots between lies, strange absences, distant behavior, and a sudden love of coffee. Tom expressed a desire to work on the marriage but was vague and guarded in the early sessions, often minimizing or delaying responses to Sharon's questions. He said he "didn't want to upset her more" or "ruin a good day by bringing the affair up." Tom was adamant he had ended all contact with the affair partner; a condition of working with me to repair after an affair. "How could you do this to me, Tom?! I feel like I don't even know you!" The first nail Tom put in the coffin was starting the blame game for the affair. As he shook his head no, he turned to me and blurted: "She acted like she didn't love me!" "She spent more time with her friends!" "She embarrasses me in front of our son and DIL!" I knew early on they would have significant challenges and I was honest about that with both of them. Tom was also honest with me and expressed he thought they could work it out on their own but that she insisted on therapy and he was open to it. I also knew that Tom would go rogue and do his own thing. And I was accurate. Before you complicate matters with your own repair approach, you need to heed my words and read through this blog. Why? It is not the responsibility of your partner to "get over" an affair. It's up to YOU to follow simple (not easy!) steps if you want to stay in your relationship. These are the three things you have to do to repair after an affair. ATONE TO YOUR PARTNER FOR CHEATING To atone  for cheating means to make amends to your partner by taking responsibility and accountability for hurting them. Concept Responsibility - YOU ARE HERE Accountability Focus Recognition of impact Repair and forward movement Internal vs. External Internal ownership External follow-through Guilt’s role Acknowledges it Uses it as fuel to do better Remorse's role Can be distorted in survivors Requires clear, regulated boundaries Example “I did something that hurt you." “I’m making changes so I don’t repeat it.” Atonement includes: Acknowledging  the full truth of what happened without minimizing or hiding details. Tom failed at this. He consistently minimized Sharon's big feelings ("It's been 3 months, why are we still talking about the affair?!") and avoided telling her the whole truth. The whole truth was that Tom had been seeing his affair partner Marissa for nearly three years, he confessed six months into repair therapy. The decision not to tell Sharon early became a barrier to repair. Expressing sincere remorse  for the impact of the betrayal. Tom did this well; he did show genuine remorse for hurting Sharon. I saw genuine tears flowing. He apologized to her often. Tom didn't stop loving Sharon and it hurt him to see her suffering; he was remorseful he hurt his son, too. Yes cheaters feel remorse. Accepting responsibility  without defensiveness or blaming. Tom started out strong then fell off. When Sharon struggled with impulse control and raged at Tom in pain, he'd get emotionally flooded and shut down. This left Sharon feeling emotionally abandoned which fueled her pain further. He'd come into our sessions confused about why Sharon was so intensely upset rather than leaning into soothing her. Being transparent and consistent   in words and actions going forward. Tom failed: Tom broke off the physical affair and kept in contact with his affair partner without disclosing it, keeping the emotional affair going. What Tom didn't know is that his childhood friend, Marissa's son, and his son were keeping tabs on the connection and Marissa's shared they were still in contact. Their son shared that with Sharon who kept it to herself, waiting for Tom to disclose it. This knowledge kept Sharon's rage intense and her impulse control low. She'd dig at him every chance she got, to which he would point a finger and say, "See, she won't let up!" Demonstrating changed behavior  that shows commitment to rebuilding trust. Tom failed: Tom believed his delusions that his affair partner loved him and wanted to give him all the things that were missing in his marriage. He kept Marissa on the back burner in case Sharon threw him out. Marissa would let Tom know any chance she got that his marriage wasn't going to work out and that he should leave Sharon and move in with her. That dynamic kept Tom with one foot in the repair and one foot out. This phase is critical because it lays the emotional groundwork for the injured partner to feel safe enough  to begin healing. Without genuine atonement, couples often stay stuck in cycles of blame, anger, or emotional distance. ATTUNE TO YOUR PARTNER'S NEEDS A partner who is having a sexual or emotional affair has created a narrative about their spouse in order to justify stepping outside of the relationship. They create this delusion with the affair partner as they complain about all that they're contributing and how nobody appreciates them, and they're so unhappy they sleep in another room. Concept Responsibility Accountability - YOU ARE HERE Focus Recognition of impact Repair and forward movement Internal vs. External Internal ownership External follow-through Guilt’s role Acknowledges it Uses it as fuel to do better Trauma risk Can be distorted in survivors Requires clear, regulated boundaries Example “I did something that hurt you." “I’m making changes so I don’t repeat it.” Tom and Sharon struggled significantly with the attachment component  of the repair process because of the narrative he created about Sharon and his marriage. He'd state repeatedly in our sessions that he believed it was making things worse between them that she wanted to talk about the affair and not move on from it. He'd furrow his brows in an attempt at looking empathetic and say, "I just worry about her mental health. She's really angry." There is only ONE REASON the cheater doesn't want to talk about an affair: it makes THEM uncomfortable and they shut it down with lame responses. "Here we go again!" "I don't want to argue." "We've had such a great weekend, why bring that up?" "It's been three months, why can't you move on?" "You're acting crazy!" It's not Sharon's job to "move on" from the affair. Tom had what the Gottman Institute calls a "sliding door moment"; a window of opportunity to step past his own selfish needs and walk through the "sliding door" between them to meet her where she needed him to. Attunement  means being emotionally tuned in to your partner — listening deeply, acknowledging their pain, and showing that you care about their experience, even when it’s hard to hear. It’s not about fixing their feelings, explaining away what happened, or rushing them to “get over it.” It’s about proving, day after day, that you can handle their hurt without shutting down or getting defensive. When your partner asks the same painful question for the tenth time or cries about something you said months ago, it may feel overwhelming. But these moments are your chance to show up differently — to stay present, validate their emotions, and reassure them that their pain matters to you. “I hear you. I understand how much this hurts. I’m not going anywhere.”  Words like these, backed up by consistent actions, begin to rebuild the sense of safety that was shattered. Think of attunement as the foundation for all future repair. Without it, apologies feel hollow. With it, your partner can start to believe that you not only regret what you did, but that you’re willing to do the work to help them heal. As long as Tom continued to make excuses, deflect, and gaslight he was not attuned to Sharon's needs; he missed many opportunities to connect with her in his defensiveness. Attach – Actions Over Time If you’ve betrayed your partner, you probably already know that words alone won’t repair the damage . Saying “I’m sorry”  or “It will never happen again”  is necessary, but it’s not enough. Trust isn’t rebuilt through big speeches or grand gestures—it’s rebuilt through consistent actions over time . When you say you’ll do something, and then you follow through—again and again—you start to become dependable in your partner’s eyes. That dependability is what helps them feel safe enough to believe in you again. Tom had his affair partner on the back burner, he was stuck in defense mode, and his actions over time reflected his mindset. Here's a breakdown of how and why it broke down: 🔒 Tom’s Attachment Failures: Withheld emotional truth : For over six months, Tom minimized or concealed important aspects of the affair, including ongoing contact with the affair partner and his unresolved feelings for her. This lack of transparency eroded emotional safety and prevented secure reattachment. Delayed commitment to the marriage : Tom waited too long to fully cut off the affair partner and did not consistently show up as emotionally available or invested in rebuilding the relationship. His hesitance created confusion and instability. Did not consistently attune to Sharon's needs : He failed to anticipate or respond to her attachment-related fears—such as abandonment, betrayal, or unpredictability—which made it difficult for her to begin trusting again. 💔 Sharon’s Attachment Injuries and Responses: Hypervigilance and protest behaviors : Her ongoing anxiety, emotional acting out, and attempts to “catch” Tom in lies were understandable responses to betrayal, but also reflected unhealed attachment wounds. These protest behaviors intensified over time due to Tom’s secrecy. No secure base to return to : Without reliable comfort or co-regulation from Tom, Sharon’s emotional needs went unmet, deepening her sense of aloneness in the relationship. Loss of belief in the emotional bond : Despite her initial willingness to repair, the extended betrayal and lack of attunement led Sharon to conclude that the relationship was no longer emotionally viable. 🧩 Missed Opportunities in the Attachment Process: Inconsistent or absent "bonding conversations"  : The couple rarely experienced moments of emotional closeness or repair that could help reestablish attachment. Most sessions were focused on accountability or confrontation rather than soothing connection. Tom’s internal emotional disorganization  (divided attachment to both women) made him unreliable as a safe attachment figure. Sharon’s emotional protectiveness  (increasing emotional cutoff and planning for separation) signaled that the attachment bond had frayed past the point of repair. Both partners struggled to reestablish emotional safety, responsiveness, and trust—all critical aspects of attachment repair. Tom’s emotional ambiguity and delays in full disclosure prevented Sharon from feeling secure enough to move toward reconnection. The window for reattachment gradually closed due to these repeated attachment ruptures. What This Means for You if You Cheated Tom and Sharon’s story is a cautionary tale, but it’s also a roadmap. It shows exactly why some couples make it through an affair—and why others don’t. Tom wanted to repair his marriage, but his hesitancy, defensiveness, and mixed signals undermined every step of the process. He delayed full disclosure, kept a door open to his affair partner, and avoided the uncomfortable conversations Sharon desperately needed. By the time he realized the damage those choices caused, Sharon’s trust—and their bond—was too fractured to repair. If you’re the one who cheated, you don’t have to make Tom’s mistakes.  You can choose differently, but it will take courage and uncomfortable honesty. You must Atone  by owning what you did—completely and without blame. You must Attune  by showing up for your partner’s pain with empathy, not excuses. And you must Attach  by proving, every single day, through consistent and transparent actions, that you are dependable and committed to change. This isn’t about begging for forgiveness or asking your partner to “get over it.” It’s about becoming the safe, steady, and truthful partner they need to even consider trusting you again. Affair recovery isn’t quick or easy—but if you take these steps, stay the course, and stop making it about your comfort, you can start repairing the damage you caused. Your partner’s healing—and the future of your relationship—depend on what you do next. Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2017). Treating Affairs and Trauma: Helping Couples Heal from Infidelity . The Gottman Institute.

America, you in trouble girl. Start the America The Beautiful music ... On the timeline of mankind, our beloved nation, The United States of America, is young. She just turned 249 on July 4, 2025, right before this writing. For comparison, 🇷🇺 Russia is more than 1,000 years old, the 🇬🇧 United Kingdom, specifically England, is over 1,000 years old, and 🇫🇷 France is 1,180 years old, nearly 1,000 years older than the USA. 🇪🇬 Egypt is over 5,000 years older than the USA . America is in her teens. And she's acting like it. This is my interpretation of America with her much older sisters Russia, England, France, and Egypt. Our nation is currently experiencing a phase of widespread dishonesty (lying) and misinformation (lying), much like a rebellious teenager. Without house rules like a curfew, homework time, chores, and limited electronics time our teen is at risk of acting out and making life hard for her and for us, her parents. I want America to live a long happy life. Up until ten years ago I didn't think much about her as an actual "thing." It was the country in which I lived. I never paid attention to the President and I hated watching the news. I had white privilege growing up - why TF did I care what was happening? I didn't. I say that because I was completely sheltered from reality as a kid and well into my 30s due to authoritarian parenting mixed with lots of love. Like a typical teenager, America is in her lying phase. And I am putting out a call to every single American reading this to work with me in putting an end to the lies. This is a non-political call to action. Listen, we all lie from time to time. I bet you have. Of course I've lied in my lifetime for selfish reasons; maybe to avoid consequences of bad behavior, or the truth is too hard to face. That latter is when I start lying to myself, and that's the worst kind of lie. And here we are. Lying to ourselves that our president isn't a pathological liar and that our government isn't lying to us. That's not a judgment - that's a fact. There is no judgment here, so stay with me! Trump is a liar, evidenced by the fact that he lies all the time. If you support him, that's your prerogative and you have your reasons. If you hate him - same. That's what makes America great. Don't All Presidents Lie? Let's look at the act of LYING on a spectrum. Honest Abe and George "I cannot tell a lie" Washington are on the "truthful" end with Jimmy Carter and Dwight Eisenhower. On the corrupt end in modern times are W. who lied about weapons of mass destruction, and Clinton obstructing justice, lying about getting a blowey (my sister Susan's term!) in the Oval Office and that weird shit with Whitewater. Remember what he said - "Eye did not have sexual relations with that wuman....Miss Lewinskeee." - fuckin' liar. Damn, Bill. What's up with the dark ones though? Nixon and Trump. Wounded: Dick Nixon’s personality was shaped by deep insecurity, early losses, and a lifelong need to prove himself. He has a well-documented history of emotional dysregulation, which manifested in control, paranoia, and secrecy. Beneath the intellect and strategy was someone driven more by fear than confidence. Fear-based living is something that feels familiar to me. Nixon lived in the delusion that people were out to get him; that's how he experienced the world. How sad that he went through life not feeling well-loved or understood. If Dick would have had the ability to own his criminal behavior, pay his debt to society, and raised a shit ton of money for a really great cause he would have redeemed himself AND helped others. That would have made him feel fantastic. Instead he remained haunted by his choices by blaming everyone else along with himself. That's a cop out. Needy: Donald Trump’s personality is centered around an intense need for attention , validation , and dominance  — driven by insecurity, but expressed through bravado, manipulation, and showmanship. He craves loyalty, applause, and control  at the expense of truth, empathy, or stability. He also had an emotionally turbulent childhood as well, despite his privilege. I drew some similarities between Nixon and Trump: Factor Richard Nixon Donald Trump Early Emotional Wounds Lost two brothers to illness; emotionally distant, hypercritical parents; grew up poor and isolated Emotionally neglectful, authoritarian father; raised to see vulnerability as weakness; lifelong need for dominance and praise Core Psychological Drive Fear of rejection and humiliation Desire for attention, control, and superiority Public Persona vs. Private Self Publicly restrained and formal; privately anxious, bitter, and obsessed with enemies Publicly brash and dominating; privately insecure, approval-seeking, and reactive Relationship with Truth Saw truth as a liability in politics; manipulated it to maintain power and avoid shame Viewed truth as malleable , secondary to winning ; used falsehoods as tools for persuasion and identity control Mental State Before Scandal Increasing paranoia, isolation, and obsession with enemies; drinking escalated Inflated sense of entitlement; surrounded by loyalists; relied on flattery, misinformation, and personal grievance narratives Why He Crossed the Line Believed the system was rigged against him; felt justified in using illegal tactics to protect himself and the presidency Believe rules don’t apply to him; seeks personal loyalty  over lawful governance; treats presidency as a tool for self-glorification Response to Accountability Deep shame; tried to cover up; eventually resigned Defiance; denied wrongdoing; attacked investigators, media, and institutions  that challenged him Emotional Core of Corruption Wounded fear : “They’ll destroy me if I don’t strike first.” Entitled grandiosity : “I can’t lose unless someone cheats. I’m the system.” Your opinion of Trump doesn't change these facts. He has a well established history of lying. Ignoring his lying and pretending like he's not, or saying "I don't care" doesn't make his lying any less frequent or harmful. Let's take a look at some of the big lies Trump has told over the last twenty years: 🧨 Trump’s Major Lies Since the “Birther” Lie 🔁 2011–2016: The Obama Years and Campaign Lie Obama Birther Lie → Claimed Barack Obama was not born in the U.S.→ Debunked repeatedly; Trump used it to build political momentum→ He later falsely claimed he "ended" the controversy. Muslim Ban Justification → Claimed thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheered 9/11 — no evidence exists. Crime & Immigrant Lies → Claimed undocumented immigrants caused widespread crime spikes — contradicted by data.→ Claimed Mexico "sends rapists" — inflammatory and unsupported. Voter Fraud in 2016 → After winning the election, falsely claimed 3–5 million illegal votes were cast.→ No evidence; created the “voter fraud” myth that would resurface in 2020. 🏛️ 2017–2020: Presidency Lies Inauguration Crowd Size → Falsely claimed his crowd was the largest in history.→ Sparked "alternative facts" defense by Kellyanne Conway. Tax Cuts "Biggest Ever" → Claimed his tax cut was the largest in U.S. history — several past cuts were bigger. COVID-19 Lies → Claimed the virus would “disappear” and that cases were “going down.”→ Suggested disinfectant could be injected as a cure.→ Downplayed severity despite privately acknowledging its dangers. Hurricane Dorian Lie ("Sharpiegate") → Altered a weather map with a Sharpie to falsely show Alabama was at risk.→ Pressured NOAA to support his false claim. The Ukraine Call → Claimed his call with Zelensky was “perfect.”→ It included pressure for political dirt on Biden — basis for his first impeachment . ⚠️ 2020–2021: Election Lies and Insurrection Election Was Stolen (Big Lie) → Claimed the 2020 election was rigged or stolen.→ Dozens of court cases and Republican officials found no evidence.→ Central lie that led to the January 6th insurrection . Voting Machines Were Rigged → Falsely claimed Dominion machines deleted Trump votes.→ Led to billion-dollar lawsuits and massive disinformation campaigns. Capitol Rioters Were Antifa / Patriots → Shifted narratives: first called them “Antifa,” later “true patriots.”→ Refused to accept responsibility for inciting the riot. 🧯 Post-Presidency Lies (2021–Present) Classified Documents Denials → Claimed he had the right to keep classified documents and had “automatically declassified” them — false under the law. Indictments Are "Election Interference" → Claimed legal consequences are just political persecution — despite evidence-based investigations. He Won All States → Repeated falsehoods that he won blue states like New York and California “by a lot.” Biden Was Behind Indictments → No evidence links Biden to DOJ decisions in Trump’s federal cases. I have to make sense of things in my ADHD brain visually - I'll share it with you. I think of America as a teenager, We The People are the parents, and the President of the United States is her caretaker. When we vote, We The Parents are telling our teenager who to hang out with and who to stay away from. If we don't vote we're neglecting her growth and her health. I went way too many years being very careless about making sure she was always safe and in good hands because it never occurred to me that we'd elect a President who acts like he hates America. Our Constitution represents the parental agreement and he doesn't follow it. Ever. Trump is America's caretaker and he calls her corrupt, vindictive and incompetent. Our President verbally abuses America, blames We The Parents for America acting out in chaos, while accessing our personal data through DOGE without transparency and oversight , making billions of dollars off of his position as President, and breaks the law without consequences. Those are not judgment calls nor is that a subjective paragraph. We're in realty here on this blog; it's my job as a therapist to keep people living in reality and truth where you make the best choices for yourself and your life. Taking A Step Into The Truth Your outrage towards Biden, or Barack, or Kamala, or Hunter Biden - no judgment -doesn't change the fact that The President of the United States of America is a pathological liar. And now America is lying. Lying keeps We The People in a state of THIS SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING rather than in reality - this IS happening and we have to stop it. If you support Trump you may be wondering now if he's lying about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. I'll help you answer that. I want to help you understand on a deeper level the damage lying causes when it comes from Trump's level of responsibility as President of the United States. I see it every day in my work. A young woman desperate for love getting walked all over by some immature dude and she keeps going back for more, hoping something will change. She lies to herself that deep down " he really cares" and he's going to figure that out. A Baby Boomer parent struggling to accept the decision of their son and daughter-in-law to not have children, claiming they're "entitled" to have grandchildren and shaming them for not. They lie to themselves that their feelings are more important than the kids they raised to think for themselves. The husband who gets caught cheating on his wife and spends precious time in defense mode to avoid the consequences and makes things worse. He lies to himself that it's best to "move on" versus face how his choices destroyed a woman he actually loves. The GenX white 1st gen college graduate from blue collar Ohio says ," Kamala's an moron !" as the reason she skipped the vote. She lies to herself that a fellow GenX blue collar woman who graduated from law school and became the DA for San Francisco, the AG for the State of California, A US Senator and the Vice President of the United States is a "moron" because she can't admit that she wouldn't vote for a black woman. From the White House to Your Couch When the leader of the country treats truth as negotiable, it filters down. It gives permission. It teaches people that if a fact is uncomfortable, you can simply replace it with a better story — one that protects your pride, shields you from blame, or makes you feel like the hero. More examples of how lying infiltrates peoples' lives: A husband convinces himself his wife “doesn’t love me” so cheating feels justified. A woman with a lifetime of good choices tells herself she can’t trust her own judgment. A professional clings to the myth that multitasking was once her superpower, even though it nearly broke her. Someone else avoids emotions altogether because they’ve decided feelings are dangerous. These personal lies aren’t so different from the political ones. They serve the same function: to avoid discomfort, to dodge accountability, and to keep us from facing truths that demand change. When the culture of leadership rewards deception, we absorb it — in how we talk to each other, in how we explain our behavior, and in how we justify the choices that hurt us and the people we love. The repair, whether for a country or for a person, begins in the same place: the willingness to tell the truth, even when it costs us. Especially when it costs us. This blog is NOT about politics so, take your "Yea I know I am but what about YOU" mentality and leave it on Twitter (it will always be called that in my house.). This space is for truth and trust. And to inspire you to reject the lies and get our government to take the focus OFF of Trump and back onto WE THE PEOPLE. Since my first vote in 1983 I've always wanted whoever won the Presidency to succeed regardless of whether or not I voted for him. In 2016 I wished Trump all the best and hoped for a booming economy. Same in 2024. That's not what we're getting and I'm not ok with that. Im asking - regardless of who you voted for why are you ok with all the lies? I turn to look at our teenager, America. America, this ain't your first rodeo. One of your strongest qualities is that you've proven time and time again you can walk through hell and emerge like a radiant butterfly. Your vibrant wings symbolize resilience and newfound freedom. I believe in you; but right now I have to be able to believe you again. LYING: An American Crisis Misinformation is LYING and it's eroding trust in facts, institutions, and even personal relationships. Over the past decade, public discourse has changed dramatically because everyone is acting like the lies aren't lies - we call them "misinformation, disinformation, fake news" - they're LIES. Lies spread significantly faster, deeper, and more broadly than truthful information — especially on platforms like Twitter. Social media has become garbage with fake accounts everywhere posting rage bait. Imagine being a data analyst at your job and you get a new boss. Your boss asks you to bring the spreadsheets into the next meeting so he can figure out how the department is doing. You're not a sales person, nor are you in the manufacturing, so you neither make nor sell the widgets the department is responsible for selling. He reviews the data you spent weeks gathering. You've been in the job since the last boss hired you and you're competent. The new boss rejects your spreadsheets and tells you that the data sucks and he fires you. First of all this would never happen in real life, and secondly this would never happen in real life. You wouldn't stand for it; you'd lawyer up. Yet, we just roll with our government doing it. Trump lies so much most of us just say, "Yep, he's crazy!" and we move on with our day. I'm asking you a serious question here - HOW DOES TRUMP LYING BENEFIT YOU? Let's look at an economic key performance indicator - the creation of jobs. Following the release of a weaker-than-expected jobs report in July 2025 and significant downward revisions to the employment data for May and June, President Trump fired the Commissioner of the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), Erika McEntarfer, on August 1, 2025. Trump accused McEntarfer, appointed by former President Joe Biden, of manipulating the jobs numbers for political purposes, a claim he reiterated on Truth Social and during interviews. In a social media post, Trump stated that the jobs numbers were rigged to make Republicans and him look bad.  Economists and former BLS commissioners dismissed these claims. They stated that the commissioner does not control data collection and calculation, which is handled by career professionals.  The revisions to the jobs numbers, though larger than usual, were attributed to additional information becoming available, a standard BLS practice. The firing and questioning of BLS data integrity raised concerns about potential political interference in the independence of government statistics.  Trump Can't Handle The Truth And It's Hurting All Of Us This not a judgment or an opinion, and you know. this, man! Take a look over here in reality with me. As of this writing the economy is unstable - that's not an opinion, that's not a guess, that's not even from me. While it's not collapsing, many factors, including jobs creation, make or break it. Tariffs too. Click the link in the first sentence of this paragraph to see THE TRUTH. An emotionally intelligent leader would say - " Whoa - what's happening that's preventing new jobs being created?" Let's take Ohio specifically, and let's pretend that Ohio's two US Senators aren't part of the LIE - Let's see, tariffs on materials to make Intel chips will cost more money; therefore we won't be able to fully staff the new plant we're building. Thus, that affects the jobs numbers. Let's figure out how to solve this problem. Trump firing the chick that reported the numbers doesn't add more jobs. Claiming she's a Biden-ette and "rigged" the numbers doesn't get your recently graduated kid out of your house and thriving. It doesn't bring down the $400 grocery bill I just paid for a week of food for two people. Your outrage towards the "pedophile Democrats" and the "libtards" isn't going to make buying a house cheaper for your single daughter who wants to spread her wings as an adult or make finding a job after a layoff right before retirement any easier. Trump coming to Ohio and saying the Intel CEO sucks and should resign because the latter knows tariffs are going to hurt business isn't going to create jobs at the Intel plant in Ohio when the cost hits. Trump's trade and immigration policies have not lowered the price of gas or eggs , the job market sucks, the labor market is out of balance, GNP and the economy is shrinking. Anecdotally I hear evidence of the struggling economy daily as clients are anxious about how to pay for college, a layoff, rent increasing, underemployment, caring for aging parents, not enough for retirement, childcare and grocery costs, vehicle costs, and the list goes on. There is harm coming for America out of the One Big Beautiful Bill. We'll feel immediate benefits including increased take-home pay, business expansion, and larger deductions. On the other side of it, in five years, economists predict higher national debt, inflation, and the effects of deeply gouging social programs. Trump's actions caused America's credit rating to go down. It's like a babysitter trashing your kid's credit score as they enter adulthood - that would be a no go in your world. If you support Trump and hate Democrats - no judgment - your outrage towards them being part of The Deep State isn't going to save your 401k, or increase your property value, or make homeowner's insurance more available in Florida or create a job or a better housing market for your 30 year old kid or grandkid who wants to buy a house, get married, and have a family. All this to say that, up to this point, we recognize and acknowledge that our current President is a pathological liar. If I were saying this out loud it would be as if I'm reading it out of the newspaper. No judgment. The Lies Divide Us These lies don't just float in the background—they actively divide communities and shapes how we relate to one another. That's not a guess or an opinion. I see it every day in my work. WE THE PEOPLE :   Many Americans once believed a baseless conspiracy - another word for a lie - that Democrats were running a child sex ring. Though entirely false, it caused widespread harm. A gunman entered Comet Ping Pong (2016)  with an AR-15, ready to “rescue the children” — no basement even existed. What the fuck! Political violence has risen ; early this summer the murder of two Democrats in Minnesota state government. Vaccine misinformation led to decreased immunization rates and now mumps, measles, TB and other preventable diseases are on the rise unnecessarily. Social media magnifies these effects: Algorithms prioritize sensational content that sparks outrage and strong emotions. Users are funneled into echo chambers, hearing only what reinforces their beliefs. Opposing facts are filtered out, fragmenting society and making it harder for the truth to break through. The consequences are far-reaching: Public health crises caused by vaccine hesitancy. Polarized communities fractured by conflicting realities. Families torn apart by disagreements over basic truths. Inability to address major issues, like climate change, because we can’t agree on the facts. The Role of Our Elected Officials in Spreading Lies One of the most prominent drivers of lying in recent years is Donald Trump. He doesn't lie alone, though. I live in Ohio and our entire Republican party lives in a lie exacerbated by the most criminal state party Ohio's history. That's not a political statement, that's a fact. Misinformation isn’t limited to national figures—it’s pervasive at all levels of leadership. Let's look at the big fucking liars in Ohio: Governor Mike DeWine  faced little accountability for the state’s largest bribery scandal, House Bill 6, involving $60 million in bribes. Despite two colleagues dying by suicide and others being convicted , DeWine was overwhelmingly re-elected in 202 2, with questions about transparency largely ignored. US Congressman Jim Jordan has been linked to a sexual abuse scandal at Ohio State University , with multiple athletes stating he knew about the misconduct. How do they know? They fucking told him. Despite these allegations, Jordan continues to hold power and win elections in his heavily gerrymandered district. J.D. Vance , or whatever his many names is, after years of criticizing Trump’s character, reversed his stance to gain political advantage, showcasing how expediency often trumps integrity. Vance has a well documented history of complex trauma as he shared in his autobiography, Hillbilly Elegy. Ohio is seeing a drastic decline in population since 2022 including birth rates because it's not safe to get pregnant here for everyone. Ohio isn't safe for many people right now. WE THE PEOPLE MUST REJECT THE LIES - ALL THE LIES - ALL THE TIME You may not believe this - I care about you. I want you to be healthy and have food, and clean water, and a roof over your head. I'm a single mom - I know what struggling is like. I wouldn't wish that struggle on anyone. If you support Trump - no judgment from me. I live amongst many MAGA and I hear all the reasons and honestly, I totally understand. I get how some of you have fallen into the false hope of a better America through Trump's false promises (also called LIES). AND ALSO Trump is a pathological liar - we already established this to be fact. It's not good for any of us to have a pathological President and I'm going to tell you why. You're smart, I know you'll understand this to stay with me here. The Offramp for WE THE PEOPLE: The Truth If our teenager, America, was at the White House with Donald Trump, her caretaker, and Trump's friend Jeffrey Epstein was there, there would be a high probability she'd be sexually assaulted. We The Parents are lying to ourselves that it's good for us to hand over our beloved teenager, The United States of America - the place we all call home, where we live and where I personally was born and raised, to a pathological liar who, statistically, would harm America and, therefore, harm us. The People. That's not an opinion, that's a statistical fact. Is Trump in the Epstein files? Is Trump a rapist? Let me walk you through some critical thinking here and answer those questions. I'll even make it easy for you with a link to the receipts: 70s - 2017 Sexual Assault and Misconduct Allegations At least 26 women have publicly accused Trump of sexual misconduct since the 1970s ( Business Insider, 2023 ). One of those women, E. Jean Carroll, brought a civil case in 2023: A jury found Trump liable for sexual abuse and defamation — ordering him to pay over $5 million. Judge Lewis Kaplan  clarified in a May 2023 that "The jury found that Mr. Trump did in fact digitally penetrate Ms. Carroll — which meets the common understanding of rape, even if it does not meet the New York Penal Law’s definition." Trump was found liable for forcing his fingers into E. Jean Carroll's vagina without her consent - THAT'S RAPE. During Trump's The Apprentice days, which I watched and loved! (You're fired!) multiple women reported incidents. Summer Zervos (2007 incident, alleged) Background: Contestant on The Apprentice (Season 5, 2006). Allegation: In 2007, Trump invited her to meet about job opportunities and then groped and kissed her without consent at a Beverly Hills hotel. Status: Filed a defamation lawsuit in 2017 after Trump denied the allegations; case was dropped in 2021 when she decided to move on. Temple Taggart McDowell (1997, but public disclosure during Apprentice years) Background: Miss Utah USA, met Trump at pageant events. Allegation: Said Trump kissed her directly on the lips without consent. Relevance: Spoke publicly during the Apprentice era (2016 campaign) about Trump’s pattern of behavior toward women in pageants and media. Jessica Drake (mid-2000s incident, alleged) Background: Adult film actress. Allegation: Said Trump kissed her without consent and later offered her $10,000 to come to his room during a golf tournament in 2006. Relevance: Publicly accused him in 2016; timeline overlaps with The Apprentice years. Natasha Stoynoff (2005 incident, alleged) Background: People Magazine reporter covering a Trump feature. Allegation: Says Trump pushed her against a wall and forced his tongue in her mouth at Mar-a-Lago while Melania was upstairs. Relevance: This was the same year as the Access Hollywood recording — during peak Apprentice fame. Mindy McGillivray (2003 incident, alleged) Background: Photographer’s assistant at Mar-a-Lago. Allegation: Said Trump grabbed her buttocks without consent during an event. Relevance: Although before The Apprentice premiered, her story resurfaced while Trump was hosting the show. Other Pageant Contestants (2000s) Multiple Miss USA and Miss Teen USA contestants reported that Trump entered their dressing rooms unannounced while they were undressed — several of these incidents occurred during his Apprentice years, when he also owned the Miss Universe Organization. 2005 “Access Hollywood” Tape Bush (W's cousin) : "Your girl's hot as shit. In the purple." Multiple voices : "Whoah. Yes. Whoah." Bush : "Yes. The Donald has scored. Whoah my man." Trump : "Look at you. You are a pussy." Bush : "You gotta get the thumbs up." Trump : "Maybe it's a different one." Bush : "It better not be the publicist. No, it's, it's her." Trump : "Yeah that's her with the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful... I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything." Bush : "Whatever you want." Trump : "Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything." Bush : "Yeah those legs. All I can see is the legs." Trump : "It looks good." Beauty Pageant Dressing Room Incidents Trump owned the Miss Universe Organization and allegedly walked into pageant dressing room s while contestants — some teenagers — were undressed. Confirmed by multiple contestants and reported by The Guardian  and CBS News. Porn Star & Playboy Model Payoffs Miss Teen USA Contestants Former contestants reported Trump entering their dressing room while minors were partially dressed (Buzzfeed News, 2016). Jeffrey Epstein Association Trump knew and socialized with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein in the 1990s and early 2000s. Many photos shows Trump, Epstein, and Ghislaine Maxwell together. Trump later claimed they had a “falling out.” Sexualized Public Comments Trump has made public remarks sexualizing his own daughter, Ivanka Trump (multiple interviews from early 2000s). Frequently objectifies women in public speeches and media appearance All of these incidents are matters of public record. If it would make it easier for you here is a list of additional women who have accused Trump of sexual misconduct: Name Year Allegation Source Ivana Trump 1989 Rape (later recanted as a legal term but stood by account of violent encounter) Business Insider, 2017 Jessica Leeds 1980s Groping on airplane NY Times, 2016 Jill Harth 1993 Attempted rape and groping Guardian, 2016 Kristin Anderson 1990s Groping at nightclub Washington Post, 2016 Lisa Boyne 1990s Inappropriate sexual behavior at dinner HuffPost, 2016 Cathy Heller 1997 Unwanted kiss Guardian, 2016 Temple Taggart McDowell 1997 Unwanted kiss NY Times, 2016 Karena Virginia 1998 Groping and inappropriate comments Guardian, 2016 Mindy McGillivray 2003 Groping at Mar-a-Lago Palm Beach Post, 2016 Rachel Crooks 2005 Forcible kiss Washington Post, 2016 Natasha Stoynoff 2005 Forced kiss and pinned against wall People Magazine, 2016 Jennifer Murphy 2005 Unwanted kiss HuffPost, 2016 Jessica Drake 2006 Unwanted kiss and proposition for sex LA Times, 2016 Ninni Laaksonen 2006 Groping during Miss USA event Ilta-Sanomat, 2016 Summer Zervos 2007 Groping and forcible kissing Guardian, 2017 Cassandra Searles 2013 Inappropriate touching and comments Seattle PI, 2016 E. Jean Carroll 1996 Rape / sexual abuse (jury found liable for sexual abuse in 2023) Court records, 2023 Based on publicly available records, court filings, photographs, and Trump’s own past statements , it is probable  that Donald Trump is LYING about the extent of his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. In my experience in life, human resources and therapy when someone lies like Trump is lying about his relationship with Epstein, there is absolutely something to hide. End critical thinking lesson. The Truth About Trump Yes, Trump is in the Epstein files. Fact: The Attorney General briefed Trump that his name was in the files. Fact: Trump has publicly claimed the files are "fake " and planted by Democrats even though the files existed long before he was POTUS. Since he was told directly, the evidence strongly supports that this is knowingly false , which fits the common definition of a lie. If you support Trump or even if you don't and you're ignoring this second term you're lying to yourself if you rebuff these truths or ignore them. The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves about abusive men in our lives. Our teenager America lies because her caretaker Trump lies, which then makes it ok for, the case of Ohio, DeWine to lie, and Jimmy Jordan, and the current President of the Washington Local School Board in Toledo, Ohio who says January 6th was a "peaceful tour of the Capitol" on social media for every child he influences to see. An 18 year old political enthusiast gets elected to same school board and gets convicted of a DUI, then gets convicted of driving on a suspended license. THIS is what trickle-down looks like currently - what about our kids? Trump Has A Well Documented History Of Sexually Assaulting Women Trump was friends with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, so was Melania. We see the photos, and the videos, and the cards, and the interviews and the money exchange. Trump is a felon. He was tried and convicted of 34 - THIRTY. FOUR. FELONIES. I know with 100% certainty those of you who support him that you wouldn't even think about interviewing, let alone hiring, this dude if you had a job open. Trump is telling Boards of Directors who to put in charge of corporations like Intel, and if you believe he didn't approve at the very least Maxwell's transfer to an easy prison after she pimped out an unnamed number of teenage girls to her sexual deviant boyfriend, you're lying to yourself. This is what happens when we fall for the lies our leaders tell us - we lie to ourselves and those are the most damaging lies of all. Critical thinking tells us that it's highly probable that Trump did it to appease Maxwell to keep her mouth shut. That's not an opinion - that's based on public record. Personally I struggle to understand why the character of the person in the White House is irrelevant at this point of time in America's history. Clinically I know what happens to a teenager who is verbally and sexually abused who is without rules and guidance - in the case of America - it's called the Constitution and Rule of Law. Calling out dishonesty isn’t about partisanship—it’s about preserving truth and demanding accountability from leaders, regardless of political affiliation. Turning a blind eye to falsehoods normalizes deception, weakening democracy and fraying the bonds that hold society together. Living In Reality Can Be Hard I'm a registered Republican in Ohio and Georgia since 1983. I was the strictest parent in my daughter's group and I'm as conservative as they come. This lawless administration is not, they're called extremists. It's important to know the difference. If you're a Trump supporter and are new politics it's important you know that you're not voting conservatively. Quite the opposite as Trump attempts to change the Presidency from caretaking to parenting -he's trying to fill OUR role. I didn't like my parents telling me what to do, let alone my government. As a conservative I want LESS authority and more autonomy. This ain't it. Speaking out comes with risks—I’ve personally faced harassment, job loss, and financial stress for exposing dishonesty. But standing for the truth is worth it. I was doxxed (harassed with harm) after I stood up in my community and demand that Patrick Hickey , then superintendent of Washington Local Schools where I was born, raised, and came back to, was held accountable for his predatory behavior after several teachers filed complaints about him. My community - some people I had known since high school - came after me with a vengeance. My counseling license had hundreds of frivolous and unfounded complaints emailed at the behest of what is the equivalent of Bobby Kennedy Jr. I received hundreds of hateful and threatening messages, my former employers, friends, and family all contacted to get "dirt" on me. A large percentage of a 15,000 member community all lied to themselves that this charismatic, Christian, white, middle-aged, privileged pathological liar could possibly have a history of predatory behavior on underaged girls. Even after Hickey served a year in jail and a lifetime of registering as a sex offender people in my community continue to express their hatred towards me and blame me for Hickey's demise. The administrators in my community knew for decades Hickey had a history of havin inappropriate relationships with students who were under his care and they buried that shit deep. The lesson is clear:   Silence allows lies to grow. By valuing truth, we can begin to rebuild trust in our communities. How To Find And Debunk Lies The lies are overwhelming and it's hard to know what's real and what's not. I recently saw a very realistic AI generated photograph of Paul McCartney singing to a man who was dying in a hospital. It was attached to a social media account where the owner or publisher isn't clear and a very clearly AI generated article about how the man requested for Paul to sing to him and - he didn't. The article was meant to criticize Paul for something that is very likely not even real. Upon closer inspection of the "photograph," Paul is playing his guitar with his right hand. Now if we were in 1969 the whole PAUL IS DEAD conspiracy would ignite and we'd be debating whether or not that is really Paul or an imposter. Lies and conspiracies aren't new. Escaping the Cult-Like Grip of MAGA Thinking Stepping away from any rigid, us-vs-them political identity is not about betraying your values. Rather, it’s about reclaiming your freedom to think clearly. Political movements can take on cult-like qualities when loyalty to a leader or group becomes more important than loyalty to the truth. If you’ve felt yourself defending actions you once would have questioned, or avoiding information that challenges your beliefs, you’re not alone — these are common human reactions when we’re deeply invested in a cause. I recognize that many of you in the MAGA world have a decent cause, to make America great AGAIN by going back to a time that you felt safe and seen. I know you believe that Trump understands you. If a leader is a pathological liar, they cannot truly advocate for a better America, because without truth as the baseline, there’s no shared reality to build on, no trust to unite us, and no foundation for genuine progress. Here are steps to help untangle yourself from the echo chamber: Name What’s Happening: Acknowledge that propaganda (lies with a thread of truth), misinformation (lies), and emotional manipulation (lies) are tools used by all   political machines — but some use them more aggressively. Once you see the tactic, it loses much of its power. A commercial is running currently in OH District 9 against US Rep Marcy Kaptur (D) paid for by conservative PAC American Action Network (AAN). It states Marcy v oted to defund Medicare, even though she voted against President Donald Trump’s One Big Beautiful Bill, which makes severe Medicaid cuts. Diversify Your Information Diet: Make a rule to read or watch or find credible sources from across the political spectrum. Include fact-checking sites and reputable investigative journalism. When a claim sparks a strong emotion, pause and verify it before sharing. Get off of social media! It is no longer possible to scroll through your social media account without reading lie after lie after lie. I had an account comment on a post that was cussing me out, telling me that they have been "following me" and watching my offensive comments (which is totally A LIE). When I looked at the account it was totally a bot. They are very human-like. The lie you tell yourself is that social media scrolling right before you sleep isn't making you more anxious by feeding you lies to keep you engaged. Separate Leader from Values: Ask yourself: “Do I support this policy or action because it’s good, or because the leader I like is doing it?” This reframing helps you reclaim your values from partisan identity. I don't give AF which side of the Israel/Hamas issue you're on starving people in 2025 is as UNAmerican as it gets. Yep, Biden did stuff I hated too. So did Barack, W. Clinton, Reagan, and Jimmy Carter. Pre-Jimmy I don't remember a lot. Reconnect with People You Disagree With: Not every conversation needs to be a debate. Seek to understand the lived experiences and perspectives of those outside the MAGA bubble. Humanizing others makes extremist narratives harder to believe. Calling MAGA names was a huge mistake that Hillary made, which continues today. Non-elected MAGA members who are not part of a white supremacist gang are our fellow countrymen wounded by the lies. If you're MAGA I bet you don't personally know (that you know of) ONE TRANSGENDER PERSON. Don't tell me you do because ya don't. Transgender people are smart, brave, insightful, and valuable in our world now and forever. You fear what you don't know. Challenge All-Or-Nothing Thinking: Political identities thrive on absolutes — “We’re 100% right, they’re 100% wrong.” Reality is more complex. Look for nuance and admit when an opponent has a point. Great example: As of this writing I don't agree with transgender women competing in women's sports because it's unclear to me if there is a physical advantage over cis women. That doesn't mean I'm against transgender women in sports! What it means is that I don't have enough information for it to make sense to me right at this point in time that they compete with cis women. I also know that transgender women athletes are a VERY small percentage of the total pool of athletes. When the day comes that more data is available to me, and that data tells me there is no difference, then I'll fully support it, and if there is data that tells me there is then I won't AND I'll be looking for a THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX solution like people compete based on weight or time and not by GENDER. Practice Private Honesty: Write down the questions and doubts you’ve been afraid to say out loud. This is where the shift begins — when your inner voice is no longer silenced by fear of rejection. For example: Let's say I have a theory that tariffs are going to be a major drag on our economy and I work for a Trumper who walks around with a clip board making sure butts are in seats. The plan is for the world to start buying American - and it works. The economy starts booming. I now have to face admitting that my loathing of Trump doesn't change the fact that he was right and I was wrong. I need to face success in spite of my theory and open my mind. I write down what's actually happening in the economy and, in this scenario, I'd Breaking away from cult-like thinking doesn't mean that you're "switching sides" so don't fall into that trap. WE THE PEOPLE must take a stop out of a manipulative system and back into your own critical, moral reasoning. Truth doesn’t have a party label, and integrity doesn’t require anyone’s permission! Truth and Trust Is What Will Make America Great, Now And In The Future.

Television and social media make marriage look easy. They portray it as an unbreakable bond that allows couples to withstand all obstacles. However, the reality is different. A healthy marriage requires a great deal of sacrifice and effort. You and your soon-to-be spouse may love each other, but love alone doesn’t prepare you for marriage. A healthy relationship relies on strong communication, realistic expectations, and conflict resolution skills. The Importance of Premarital Counseling Premarital counseling is an essential tool that helps couples develop the skills needed to navigate life's many obstacles together. It provides a stable and supportive environment for couples to grow. Many people are hesitant to sign up for premarital counseling without knowing what to expect. You might have questions like: Who should go to premarital counseling? What does premarital counseling do? Does it cost a lot of money? How much do we have to share with our counselor? Will we have to talk about sensitive topics like intimacy? What if my counselor asks me to share something I don’t want to discuss? These questions are common among couples considering premarital counseling. Let’s explore some of the most frequent concerns. What Premarital Counseling Does Premarital counseling is a specialized form of therapy. It helps couples transition from dating to a more complex marriage commitment. Marriage requires couples to work together and problem-solve in new ways. Without a strong foundation of healthy coping skills, couples may fall victim to destructive communication patterns, such as: Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling Premarital counseling equips couples with effective communication skills. It enhances the existing foundation of trust, ensuring that the marriage remains supportive and satisfying for years. The approach to premarital counseling has evolved to include research-based methods, such as: The Gottman Method Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy Who Needs It? Premarital counseling is beneficial for all types of couples. Whether you are same-sex couples, non-religious couples, or couples entering a second marriage, everyone can gain from this experience. The time spent in sessions before saying “I do” allows you to understand your partner and their needs in new ways. It fosters trust, empathy, and intimacy, which are essential for a successful lifelong marriage. You don’t want to wait until life-altering challenges arise—like the birth of a child or the loss of a job—to start learning about healthy communication and conflict resolution. By then, you and your partner need to be ready to work together as a team. Premarital counseling prepares you to keep your relationship healthy and supportive through the good, the bad, and the ugly before you walk down the aisle. What the Sessions Are Like A typical premarital counseling session lasts about fifty to sixty minutes. Both partners and the therapist participate in each session. The first session usually focuses on building a relationship with your counselor. They will ask about your relationship history and why you plan to spend your life together. You will also set goals for what you hope to achieve during the sessions. At some point, your therapist may want to speak with each partner individually. This allows you to provide more information about yourself. The counselor may inquire about your familial background and how you learned to communicate with your original caretakers. This insight helps them understand your preferred communication style. Some counselors may ask you to complete a questionnaire. A common one used in marriage counseling is the Gottman Relationship Checkup . This tool provides a snapshot of various aspects of your relationship, such as friendship, intimacy, conflict, finances, and parenting. Your counselor will discuss the results with you and offer tips to improve any areas of concern. Each session builds on the last, providing opportunities to practice essential skills for a successful marriage. Questions to Expect During your sessions, your counselor will ask various questions. These may cover your sex life, relationship stability, conflict resolution approaches, and how you bond with each other. Questions about your upbringing and lifestyle are common in the initial sessions. Your therapist will also delve deeper into how you and your partner relate. Some questions might include: How do you and your partner communicate? Do you have similar goals regarding children? How often do you discuss finances? Are you satisfied with your sex life? How do you find time to connect each day? What rituals do you share? Do you share similar religious beliefs? What makes each of you happy? Your therapist may also explore individual areas of concern, such as substance use. Being open and honest with your therapist and partner is crucial for effective premarital counseling. When to Go Premarital counseling is designed to help couples transition from dating to marriage. Therefore, it should begin after engagement. The timing depends on your engagement length. Allow up to eight weeks for the program. Starting three to six months before the wedding is ideal, as it provides flexibility. If you're short on time, you can schedule multiple sessions in a week. If you and your partner are interested in counseling but aren’t ready to get engaged, couples counseling could be beneficial. Couples living together, sharing children, or having an established relationship may find couples counseling very helpful. Who to Trust Like any counseling, premarital counseling should be conducted by a professional with specialized training. Look for a licensed marriage and family therapist when deciding which program is right for you. While there are books and free online resources, consulting a professional is crucial for preparing you and your future spouse for a lifetime commitment. Free online courses do not provide the same proven results as licensed marriage counselors. While it may be tempting to save money, don’t sacrifice quality when it comes to premarital counseling. Some couples choose traditional office settings for premarital counseling. However, virtual counseling is equally effective. Many couples find it convenient and effective to engage in sessions from a familiar setting, like home. This comfort can enhance vulnerability and effectiveness. Learn more about the benefits of virtual counseling here. How Much Does Premarital Counseling Cost? Premarital counseling typically costs between $120 and $200 per sixty-minute session. Some insurance providers may cover counseling under their network. The quality of counseling depends on whether your provider is a licensed marriage and family counselor. It’s essential to choose a specialized provider, as generalized counselors may lack the necessary training. Finding the right counselor might require looking outside your network. This isn’t as daunting as it sounds, and many affordable options are available. Out-of-network counselors often work with you to ensure financial concerns don’t hinder quality counseling. For example, Great Lakes Counseling Group offers clients a special worksheet that helps with insurance-related questions, including how to find out about out-of-network benefits. How to Choose a Counselor Many mental health professionals offer premarital counseling, but it’s crucial to find one with a marriage and family therapy license. These counselors are qualified to provide professional premarital counseling. When searching for a premarital counselor, consider the following questions: Should your counselor have a religious affiliation? Should your counselor specialize in same-sex couples? Do you prefer live or virtual sessions? Premarital counseling may seem like a lot of effort, but most couples find it worth it. Compared to those who skip counseling, spouses-to-be reported a thirty percent increase in marriage satisfaction. Nearly all participants reported improved couple communication . Are you ready to take the first step towards a happy, satisfying marriage? Great Lakes Counseling Group is accepting appointments for premarital counseling.

America, (said in my best Bernie Mac voice), I'm totally confused. An authoritarian government is literally the polar opposite of conservatism. It's something I know a lot about and this article is meant to educate you so that you know too. Regardless of how you lean I care about you! If you're a MAGA I care about you! If you're a Liberal I care about you! I'm a lifelong Ohio Republican born in 1964 and raised in a conservative Christian home. I'm a white GenX suburban mom who helicopter parented my kid. There are certain tenants I identify strongly with that define what a conservative is, and here is the #1 belief of every true conservative: Stay the fuck out of my business and I'll stay out of yours. Don't judge me, and I won't judge you. Stay in your lane and I'll stay in mine. Don't tell me what to do, and I won't tell you what to do. Our elected officials are at the top of the list of people I want to stay TF out of my life on every level. Since December 30, 1982 when I became an adult. I am the family rebel and the black sheep. I used to feel ashamed about this; I now recognize it's pretty bad ass! I also have a healthy fear of true authority which keeps me from joining the Ohio Militia like my maternal ancestors did during the Civil War. I want to remind you that the Democrats were the terrorists back then. I expect experts to tell me what would be in my best interest physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Today, it's the Republican party that is problematic; that's not to say the Democrats don't have problems. I want to be super clear here - I am NOT a Democrat. Republican leaders as a whole are afraid to stand up to Trump because their money train to dry up. Our politicians are greedy AF and Republican party members are compromised. Where I'm different from other conservatives is that I don't have the MAGA cult-like mindset because I "buck authority" -as Bunny used to say, BECAUSE I live in reality. It's been a gift and a curse because reality is making us feeling depressed as hell in 2025! What I mean by this is: I'm pro life too: When I got pregnant I chose life - if you don't, it's not my business! For real! No judgment! I am 100% for the life of the woman - that's pro-life, is it not? I argue this point often - it is absofuckiniglutely pro-life. Hey - I know many GenX/Boomer right-wingers who had abortions and I nursed many of them back to health. PRO LIFE. Human identity is based in science and not something to be "tolerated." FACT: Most MAGA extremists DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE WHO IS TRANSGENDER - I know because I live among them! I do know many transgender people, and I haven't met one yet that wasn't smart, insightful, mature, interesting, and resilient. Here is the irony in my experience: Transgender people are totally normal. People in my world - not so much (There are people in my personal world who are GenX/Boomers who vote against LBGTQ+ and hire them as sex workers!) Climate change is real. The end. Vaccines overwhelmingly prevent communicable diseases. I know people who have a vaccine scar on their arm and that used to be a sign of great parenting! Not getting your kids vaxxed is reckless! Our military is acting out illegally striking without the knowledge, let alone approval, of our elected officials. These acts are the ANTITHESIS of being conservative. Hey America - Trump was NOT an FBI informant trying to bust Epstein! Trump is in the Epstein files and he's protecting Maxwell - of COURSE he moved her to a woman's camp in Texas in exchange for her lies. WE SAW THIS WITH OUR OWN EYES - just like January 6th, and the fake elector scheme. It's all real and it all happened. Remember - your outrage about the "libtards" doesn't change any of it! Americans have forgotten that WE THE PEOPLE run this bitch, and we have all the power through the United States Constitution. Hey, America - real conservatives dig the Constitution! We live by it! It's what helps me elect people who will keep the government and everyone else out of my business! Remember that's a core conservative pillar! It guarantees that you and me - the voters - are the power. Let me give you a lesson here: The 10th Amendment  says: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” This means if the Constitution doesn’t specifically give a power to the federal government, like declaring war, then that power stays with the states via our elected officials. The bombing of Iran and the attack on Venezuela are acts of War that aren't being authorized by our elected officials aka WE THE PEOPLE. Your outrage against Joe Biden doesn't change the fact that Trump can't do whatever he wants as President! There are LAWS AGAINST THIS! This is why electing a felon isn't a good idea! The United States Constitution - ADHD Version Preamble: We, the people of the United States, agree to work together to make our country fair, safe, peaceful, and free. Our elected officials currently act like Congress is high school and it's a popularity contest for Trump's attention. That has to end. Article I – Congress (The Lawmakers) Congress makes the laws. Previous sessions created laws that influenced the NY laws that convicted Trump of 34 felonies. Your outrage over Joe Biden sniffing his daughter's hair doesn't change that Trump isa felon! Congress has two parts: the House of Representatives and the Senate. The House is based on how many people live in each state. The Senate gives every state 2 senators. Republicans cheat and pass laws that cause communities to be disproportionately represented - that is the most non-conservative thing ON THE PLANET - HELLOOOOOOO Congress can collect taxes, make money, start post offices, and declare war. They cannot make kings or give special titles. This was locked down for a reason! Article II – The President (The Leader) The President makes sure laws are followed. The President is chosen every 4 years. The President is in charge of the military, makes treaties (with Senate approval), and picks important officials and judges. If the President breaks the law badly, Congress can remove them from office (this is called impeachment). The United States Senate failed to convict Trump after he was impeached twice during his first term. Mitt Romney was the only GOP with the stones to convict him and TRUST ME that pains me to say that because I'm not a fan. Article III – The Courts (The Judges) Judges make sure laws are fair and follow the Constitution. The highest court is the Supreme Court. Alito's wife flew the American flag upside down. That is a cult-like behavior and I'm not ok with that ESPECIALLY AS A CONSERVATIVE - HELLO!!!! WE WOULD NEVER DESECRATE THE FLAG. Judges decide arguments between people, states, and the government. Article IV – The States States have to respect each other’s laws. If someone breaks the law in one state and runs away, they must be sent back. New states can join the country, but no state can split apart without permission. The U.S. promises to protect every state and keep them democratic. The Republican party is methodically trying to dismantle our institutions which is causing instability in our society. THAT IS NOT CONSERVATISM. Article V – Changing the Rules The Constitution can be changed (this is called an amendment). It’s hard to change— WE THE PEOPLE have to agree first. Article VI – The Supreme Law The Constitution is the highest law in the land. Trump has violated the Constitution and the law repeatedly and nobody does shit about it. We are about LAW AND ORDER not lawlessness. Everyone who works in government must promise to follow it. WE THE PEOPLE elect individuals who hate the government AND THEY ARE THE GOVERNMENT! There is no religious test to be in government. I support mental health screening for all elected officials when they apply to be on the ballot. Not sure how that would work but seriously.....wtf.... Article VII – Approving the Constitution The Constitution started once 9 of the 13 states agreed to it. The Amendments (The Changes and Additions) Bill of Rights (First 10 Amendments) Free Speech & Religion  – People can say what they think, follow any religion (or none), gather peacefully, and ask the government to fix problems. All religions are important as is no religion, it has no place in our government! We are all seeing what happens when a religion hijacks it! Guns  – People can own weapons. I am a gun enthusiest and we MUST PUT AIRTIGHT LAWS IN PLACE THAT REQUIRE PEOPLE TO HAVE A LICENSE TO OWN AND USE A WEAPON, SIMILAR TO HOW WE GET A DRIVERS LICENSE WITH MENTAL HEALTH SCREENING. THE END OF DISCUSSION. GUNS ARE THE #1 CAUSE OF DEATH AMONTH CHILDREN. THIS HAS TO FUCKING STOP. IT'S THE GUNS. No Soldiers in Homes  – Soldiers can’t live in your house without permission. Privacy  – The government can’t search you or your stuff without a good reason. Hey America - it's a violation of our constitutional rights for our government to fuck with us without probable cause and due process. Dean Cain snatching "foreign looking" people off of the factory floor is DEFINITELY not a conservative action. Fair Trials  – You can’t be forced to talk against yourself, and the government must treat you fairly. Alligator Alley is NOT A CONSERVATIVE ACTION. Rights in Court  – You get a quick, fair trial with a lawyer. Jury Trials  – In big cases, you can have a jury decide. DONALD TRUMP WAS CONVICTED OF 34 FELONIES BY A JURY OF HIS PEERS. HE GREW UP IN NYC. CONSERVATIVES DON'T LIKE FELONS AS PRESIDENT. EXTREMISTS DO. No Cruel Punishments  – No crazy punishments or unfairly huge fines. Other Rights  – Just because it’s not listed doesn’t mean you don’t have the right. States’ Rights  – If the Constitution doesn’t say the federal government controls it, the states or the people do. Ohio’s corruption under the Republican Party stands out for the sheer scale of the HB 6 scandal, one of the most brazen bribery schemes in recent U.S. state politics. Other Amendments 13th:  No slavery. 14th:  Everyone born in the U.S. is a citizen. All people must be treated equally. 15th:  All men can vote, no matter their race. 17th:  People vote directly for senators. 19th:  Women can vote. Good luck taking this one away because we're a bunch of Karens. 22nd:  A President can only serve 2 terms. 26th:  If you’re 18 or older, you can vote. Here is the big one that sets me apart from other conservatives - my elders taught me this - I recognize that Liberals and left-leaning Americans are the Ying to my Yang. What do they know that I don't? Where did they come up with that? How would that work? - they help this American Rebel to think outside of my limited conservative view. Real conservatives and left leaning Americans have way more in common than what divides us. Why aren't we using that to our advantage? My theory is simple: Too many of us are fighting the reality that the American people are in the fight of our lives and we better figure out how to unite quickly and overwhelmingly to take back the reins back because our safety is straight up at risk. It's not right or wrong, good or bad - it just is. And we have to stop fighting reality and start fighting to unite. Americans are depressed over politics for good reason Our leaders straight up lie to us, and of course, we believe them because they're our leaders. Why? Research shows that the wave of democratic doesn't mean we're rejecting democracy, but rather our elected officials and their cronies exploiting weak institutions once elected. They make money off of our polarization. The U.S. Constitution has two “Emoluments Clauses” meant to prevent federal officials, including the president, from profiting improperly from their office. Trump has made millions of dollars improperly off of the Presidency and nobody says or does shit about it. The lack of accountability is part of why people feel depressed. In January 2020, I thought the CDC was being ridiculous and overreacting about COVID. Before the vaccine was available and after several hundred-thousand people were already dead in America, I caught it. I was hospitalized for just under a week; one of my favorite doctors was also there and he died. I now have chronic COPD and a case of Long-Covid . I was recently talking to a group of people at a restaurant and shared my story. An acquaintance of the group who identifies with MAGA said to me, "You were only in the hospital for a few days, it must not have been THAT bad." Ten years ago, that same man would have wished me good health. I hear stories like this all day long. Politics in 2025 feels like a heavy weight on our hearts and our minds. The phrase depressed about politics 2025  has become shorthand for a pervasive gloom and it's a common worry in my sessions. People see rampant misinformation about vaccines, grocery bills rising faster than paychecks, a job market that seems to shrink every week, school shootings that keep happening, and even unauthorized military actions abroad. Worse, adversaries like Russia and China openly mock our leadership, fueling a sense of national humiliation. Hey MAGA - I Care About YOU!! My Grandpa Bill served in the United States Army and fought in Germany during WW2. He was shot 2x and was awarded the Purple Heart and was Honorably Discharged. He is my favorite leaf in my family tree (Ernie is in an equal spot) because he was such a character and a bad ass patriarch. His comrades knew his as "Wild Billy Nichols" and they scooped him up off the battle field and carried him to safety, where he was transported to a medical facility. A surgeon removed the bullets and Bill survived. Tens of millions of us have fallen victim to the conspiracy theories our elected officials spread, knowing how damaging it is but afraid to stand up to the authoritarian Trump administration. Ohio is FULL of MAGA victims. I'm going to say something here to the non-MAGA readers that is also reality. Like the heroin epidemic and the COVID pandemic, the rot of the MAGA mindset caused by the lies of Republicans, didn't spare people based on race, gender, occupation, sexual orientation, gender identity, or socioeconomic status. It is my civil duty at the very least - it's my job as a therapist - to help all people focus on the present moment where we live in reality, we pump the breaks on the "MAGAs are the dumbest people on the planet," or "Liberals are all pedophiles" and start finding a middle ground where we remember that we're ALL Americans! We live in reality by paying attention to what's happening in real time. I wrote this article to help you do that. Lies About Vaccines: Playing Russian Roulette With WE THE PEOPLE Hey, America - Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has a well documented history of drug abuse , likely driven by the complex trauma he suffered as a kid as the third of eleven children. His uncle was assassinated when he was 9. When he was 14 MLK and his father RFK were assassinated. That's a lot of family trauma in a short amount of time at a tender age. His family has made it known that they believe he has long-term brain damage from it and they report erratic behavior over the decades. During the height of the pandemic, vaccines offered a lifeline. Yet political misinformation convinced many Americans - Republican‑leaning communities - to avoid vaccination. This always confused me because Trump pushed Warp Speed and got the first COVID vaccines out the door. He and Melania were vaccinated. In Ohio, State Representative Jennifer Gross, who holds a license as a registered nurse and served in the US Air Force, publicly denounced the COVID vaccine and encouraged her constituents to take Ivermectin. She insisted that anti‑vaccine physician Sherri Tenpenny testify to the House Health Committee. Tenpenny used the hearing to claim that COVID‑19 vaccines magnetize people and allow 5G “interfaces” – statements that are completely false. Tenpenny's medical license was suspended for that; she just recently got it reinstated. Gross, while she claims she doesn't practice anymore, has an "unencumbered" license, meaning it's free and clear. Tenpenny was also nailed for not paying her taxes. Another lawless MAGA influenced by her lawless government. Gross's medical experience is still, as of this writing, overridden by the MAGA Q-Anon thought infection. Her identity as a Christian and her service to our country have been stolen by misinformation and lies by leaders she trusts and believes in. She modeled the behavior of her colleagues and her party leaders and spread that straight up bullshit far and wide in Butler County, Ohio. Butler County, Ohio has a population of just under 400,000 people; it's a white Boomer pretty wealthy county. Nearly 30% of Butler County became infected with the virus even AFTER the vaccine was available and more than a thousand people lost their lives. I find Representative Gross's X profile interesting, as she states she is still willing to die for this country. Clearly she cares not about taking her constituents with her. A National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) study found that after vaccines became widely available in April 2021, excess death rates in Republican counties were 76 % higher than in Democratic counties. This large gap did not exist before vaccines were available, which means it was not underlying health differences but vaccine refusal that drove the disparity. The researchers noted that excess deaths were concentrated in counties with low vaccination rates. By late 2022, more than 70 million Americans still had not received even one vaccine dose ; those unprotected citizens accounted for a disproportionate share of deaths. When a politician tells followers that vaccines are dangerous or unnecessary, they encourage people to spin the chamber of a revolver and pull the trigger. Sometimes nothing happens; sometimes a loved one dies. In statistical terms this is Russian roulette: each refusal of a safe, effective vaccine increases the odds of catastrophe for a family. As a therapist writing a blog, I cannot diagnose political figures with mental illnesses, but I can point out patterns of dishonesty and manipulation . Telling people to avoid vaccines when evidence shows they reduce mortality is not merely an opinion; it is A LIE. Lots of our fellow Americans trust those false claims and refuse vaccination, and if they or their children become sick or die, that politician has played Russian roulette with their lives. The first step in combating this cynical game is to recognize it for what it is - LIES FOR POLITICAL GAIN. America, Here Is My Call to Action The best way to fight political depression is to take some sort of action. One thing I've learned from this experience is that we are very ill-equipped for some of the disasters and hardships our ancestors seemed to figure out. We can work together to change this! Stop telling yourself there is "nothing" you can do because that's not true. 1. Demand Congressional Oversight Urge your U.S. Senators and Representatives to: Launch formal investigations into these deployments Hold public hearings on violations of the Posse Comitatus Act   which prohibits the U.S. military from acting as law enforcement within the United States, meaning they cannot serve as a "posse comitatus" or execute laws. Introduce legislation restricting unauthorized federal troop use in domestic policing 📞 Call the Capitol switchboard: (202) 224-3121 ✉️ Use tools like resist.bot  or official websites to send messages. 2. Support Legal Challenges Back legal efforts by: State attorneys general , governors, or civil liberties organizations (e.g. ACLU , NAACP Legal Defense Fund ) Donating other legal defense funds: Here are examples of legal defense funds and similar organizations:  NAACP Legal Defense Fund (LDF) : A civil rights organization and law firm that focuses on racial justice and equality.  Animal Legal Defense Fund : A non-profit organization that uses legal services to advance animal rights.  Earthjustice : Formerly known as the Sierra Club Legal Defense Fund, it focuses on environmental protection.  National Lawyers Guild (NLG) Mass Defense Program : Provides legal support for protests and activist movements.  Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) Legal Defense Fund : Fights for the First Amendment rights of journalists, focusing on public records and open meetings.  Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) Legal Defense Plan : A benefit for FOP members providing coverage for duty-related administrative actions and lawsuits.  Poynter's IFCN Media Defense Fund : Helps fact-checkers facing legal threats related to their work.  💡 California and Illinois are likely sources of active litigation — follow their AG offices. 3. Organize Peaceful Protests and Teach-Ins Peaceful public demonstrations and teach-ins can: Raise awareness of the constitutional crisis Highlight the financial costs  and lack of accountability Strengthen solidarity across affected cities Coordinate with local groups, churches, unions, and veterans who may oppose misuse of the Guard. Find your protests here. 4. File Public Records Requests Use FOIA or state public records laws to request: Deployment orders from your state to Cost breakdowns Communications between federal and local officials This creates transparency, supports journalism, and can strengthen lawsuits and investigations. 🗃️ Try: FOIA.gov  (federal) or your state’s transparency portal. 🗂️ Sample Request Template (Use or Modify) Subject : Public Records Request – Ohio National Guard Deployment Orders and Costs Dear Records Custodian, Pursuant to the Ohio Public Records Act (Ohio Rev. Code § 149.43), I am requesting copies of the following records: Any and all orders, directives, authorizations, or communications  issued by Governor Mike DeWine or the Adjutant General of Ohio regarding the deployment of the Ohio National Guard  from January 1, 2025, to present. Any internal communications between the Governor’s Office, Adjutant General’s Department, and federal authorities  regarding such deployments. Detailed cost breakdowns  (including personnel costs, travel, housing, and operations) related to these deployments. Please provide digital copies if possible. If any portion of this request is denied, please cite the specific legal exemption and provide redacted versions of the documents where appropriate. Thank you, [Your Name] [Your Email] [Your City, State] 5. Vote and Mobilize Locally This includes: Electing local leaders  who will resist unconstitutional federal overreach which is the nemesis of being a conservative! Pushing city councils and mayors to pass resolutions rejecting federalized troop presence Supporting candidates for Congress who commit to reining in unlawful military action Local elections have direct influence on city cooperation or resistance. OK you guys - I trust you! You've got this! Let's do this! Never give up! 🧭 Authoritarianism ≠ Conservatism: More Evidence and Arguments While some modern authoritarian regimes may claim  to be “conservative,” authoritarianism is fundamentally incompatible with traditional conservative values  like limited government , constitutionalism , individual liberty , and rule of law . Here’s evidence and reasoning  drawn from conservative thinkers , constitutional texts , and historical case studies : 🏛️ 1. Classical Conservative Thought Rejects Authoritarian Power 🔹 Edmund Burke – the father of modern conservatism: “The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients.”– Reflections on the Revolution in France (1790) Burke warned against absolutism , especially in reactionary governments. He supported slow institutional change , not centralized power . 🔹 Friedrich Hayek (author of The Road to Serfdom ): “It is not the source but the limitation of power which prevents it from being arbitrary.” Hayek defended markets and liberty , and opposed authoritarian socialism and fascism  alike. He argued that centralized control always leads to tyranny , no matter the ideology. 📜 2. The U.S. Constitution Is a Conservative Document — and Anti-Authoritarian The U.S. Constitution: Limits executive power  with checks and balances (Articles I–III) Protects individual liberties  via the Bill of Rights Requires the military to be subordinate to civilian government  (Article II, §2) Opposes unilateral governance  by any one branch Authoritarianism violates all of these principles. 📚 3. Conservative Institutions Speak Out Against Authoritarianism 🗣️ The American Enterprise Institute (AEI)  – a conservative think tank: “Authoritarianism is a betrayal of conservatism’s core commitment to limited government and ordered liberty.” 🗣️ National Review  (William F. Buckley's flagship magazine): “A government that silences dissent or bypasses legal limits is not conservative — it’s something far worse.” These institutions have criticized both foreign and domestic authoritarian trends — including those cloaked in “conservative” rhetoric. 🧠 4. Historical Case Studies Show the Difference Regime Claimed to be conservative? Actually conservative? Nature of government Nazi Germany Yes No Fascist, authoritarian, anti-rule of law Pinochet’s Chile Yes No Authoritarian military junta Franco’s Spain Yes No Catholic nationalist authoritarianism U.S. under Reagan Yes Yes Democratic, constitution-based, limited government Authoritarians often co-opt conservative language  to build support — then destroy conservative institutions  once in power. 🧩 5. Authoritarianism Is About Control. Conservatism Is About Limits. Conservatism Authoritarianism Limited government Centralized government Separation of powers Power consolidated in executive Rule of law Rule by decree Free speech Censorship Religious freedom State-religion enforcement Individual rights Surveillance and control

Exploring the Magic of Their Romance UPDATE: AUGUST 26, 2025 CONGRATULATIONS TO TAYLOR AND TRAVIS ON THEIR ENGAGEMENT! YAY!!!! The world’s enchantment with the romance between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce warms my heart. I’m a hopeless romantic, and as such, I’m rooting for them too! PHOTO: CHARIAH GORDON/INSTAGRAM via IN STYLE My sister first noticed the wide-spread support of the couple. She began bringing their budding relationship to my attention whenever she saw a post on social media. It got me thinking. What is it that we love about their love so much? The Allure of Celebrity Relationships In a world where celebrity relationships often set the tone for public expectations, the bond between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce seems thriving. Early signs reveal a healthy connection. While we may never understand all the intricacies of their relationship, their public demeanor paints the ideal picture of what a fulfilling relationship can be. In this article, I will examine the significance of independence in relationships. My insights will be guided by research from couples therapy, my observations of the dynamics between Swift and Kelce, and lessons drawn from thousands of couples counseling sessions I’ve facilitated over the years. Taylor Swift: From Country Star to Pop Icon Taylor Swift's rise from country singer to global pop icon showcases her talent and adaptability. Her music has evolved from teenage tales in "Tim McGraw" to intricate narratives in "Folklore." This transformation highlights her growth as an artist. Taylor Swift Tour Trailer Swift's ability to turn personal stories into relatable hits, like "Love Story" and "The Man," has earned her a massive, diverse fanbase known as the "Swifties." They're more than fans; they are a community that connects deeply with her music, frequently discussing and dissecting her lyrics. Swift's social media presence further strengthens this bond, providing a personal, playful window into her life without the pitfalls of typical celebrity social media usage. Beyond music, Swift's impact is seen in fashion and social advocacy, making her a cultural force and a symbol of empowerment. Travis Kelce: More Than an NFL Star Travis Kelce, renowned for his NFL achievements, charms people both on and off the field with his charisma, humor, and down-to-earth nature. His engaging personality extends beyond sports, evident in his media appearances and social interactions. Kelce's fashion sense reflects his confident persona, often making bold statements. Travis Kelce His commitment to philanthropy, especially in aiding underprivileged youth, adds depth to his appeal. Kelce's forays into entertainment, including a reality TV show, showcase his versatility and amplify his charm. He is not just an athlete; he is a multifaceted public figure admired for his diverse talents and contributions. Defying Norms Together Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, as a prominent couple, navigate societal pressures and traditional role stereotypes with a unique blend of grace and individuality. In a world that often quick to box celebrities into conventional roles, they stand out for their ability to defy norms. Swift, known for her empowering lyrics and advocacy for women's rights, challenges traditional notions of femininity in entertainment. She is more than a pop star; she is a voice for equality and self-expression. Kelce, on his part, breaks the mold of the typical athlete persona. His involvement in fashion, media ventures, and community work reflects a multifaceted identity that surpasses the expectations of a sports star. Together, they embody a modern partnership that respects individual strengths and passions. They showcase a progressive approach to handling the spotlight and societal expectations, all while maintaining balance in their personal and professional lives. Clearly, they speak each other's love language. Learn more about love languages here. Navigating the Tides of Change: Societal Pressures vs. Traditional Roles The evolution of societal norms presents modern relationships with unique challenges. These challenges exist against a backdrop of centuries-old traditional roles. In today's context, partners often find themselves torn between established norms and new dynamics that encourage individuality. Ever more common today are concepts like the independent woman and the stay-at-home dad. In this milieu, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce demonstrate a remarkable level of mutual support, emphasizing the strength of their bond. Swift, familiar with the scrutiny of fame, finds in Kelce a source of understanding and encouragement. His experience in high-pressure sports enables him to empathize with the challenges she faces. His grounded perspective is invaluable in navigating the whirlwind of celebrity life. Conversely, Kelce benefits from Swift's support, drawing from her vast experience with fame and media attention. Her influence extends beyond emotional support; it inspires his ventures into broader cultural spheres, like fashion and philanthropy. Their mutual support transcends the superficial dynamics often seen in celebrity relationships. It reflects a genuine connection that empowers them to thrive both individually and as a couple. Traditional Roles and Modern Expectations For centuries, societal norms dictated specific roles for partners within relationships. These roles, often based on gender, defined expected behaviors and contributions to the partnership. However, as society evolves, these traditional roles increasingly fail to fit everyone. There is a growing recognition of the need for flexibility and individual expression in relationships. The challenge lies in reconciling old beliefs with modern expectations. Individuals may find themselves at a crossroads, wrestling with the comfort of familiarity and the desire to forge a new path. This internal struggle can significantly affect relationship quality. The Role of Individual Perspectives Each partner's perception of their role, along with expectations of their counterpart, plays a crucial role in determining relationship quality. When perspectives align and adapt to societal changes, relationships can flourish. Nevertheless, discordance in these views can lead to tensions and dissatisfaction. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce strike a harmonious balance between traditional romance and contemporary values. They serve as relatable role models for young couples navigating today’s complex world. They embody timeless aspects of romance—respect, affection, and support—while embracing an egalitarian approach to their relationship. Learn 3 epic ways you can support your partner's dreams! This balance shines through in the way they celebrate each other's successes without overshadowing one another. Their mutual encouragement fosters individual growth while nurturing their bond. In a society grappling with evolving relationship dynamics, they demonstrate how couples can extend their personal identities and ambitions while fostering a loving, supportive partnership. Their relationship reflects a progressive model wherein equality, understanding, and shared values form the foundation. Swift and Kelce offer an inspiring example for young couples navigating the challenges of modern love. Partners open to discussing and renegotiating their roles, attuned to personal needs and external changes, are likely to form a deeper, more resilient connection. This flexibility and mutual understanding are critical in navigating traditional roles amid modern societal pressures. A Case for Modern Love: Embracing a New Era of Relationships Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce exemplify modern love, showcasing a vivid illustration of what contemporary relationships can embody. Their union is characterized by mutual respect, individuality, and progressive values, setting a standard for young couples navigating love’s complexities today. Swift and Kelce demonstrate that modern love transcends traditional stereotypes and societal expectations. It is centered on authentic partnership—supporting each other's dreams, respecting individual spaces, and sharing common values are paramount. Their story encourages us to reconsider and openly discuss our relationship roles and expectations. It prompts us to reflect on essential questions: Are we nurturing each other’s growth? Do we respect our partner’s individuality as much as we cherish our shared moments? In a world where roles are evolving and expectations are in constant flux, Swift and Kelce’s relationship serves as a reminder that modern love focuses on building connections that honor personal identities and mutual support. Simple ways to build trust with your partner - click here! As we reflect on their journey, let’s find inspiration to cultivate our own narratives of love and partnership. It is essential to engage openly with our partners about our roles, expectations, and dreams. By doing so, we can create relationships that are fulfilling and respectful while embodying the progressive, diverse, and inclusive nature of modern love. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce provide not just a glimpse of celebrity romance; they offer a framework for how love can adapt, thrive, and inspire in our rapidly changing world. FAQ: Benefits of a Modern Relationship Q1: What defines a modern relationship? A1: A modern relationship is characterized by equality, open communication, and mutual respect. It emphasizes partnership and individual growth. Q2: How does equality benefit modern relationships? A2: Equality fosters fairness and mutual respect, allowing both partners to contribute equally and making decisions together. Q3: Can modern relationships improve personal growth? A3: Yes, they often encourage personal growth, as partners support each other’s goals and aspirations. Q4: What role does communication play in modern relationships? A4: Communication is crucial; it helps resolve conflicts and express needs, leading to healthier relationships. Q5: Are modern relationships more flexible regarding roles and responsibilities? A5: Absolutely. They typically do not adhere to strict roles, allowing partners to negotiate responsibilities. Q6: How do modern relationships handle conflicts? A6: Conflicts are usually addressed through open communication and a willingness to understand each other. Q7: Can modern relationships lead to a better work-life balance? A7: Yes, by sharing responsibilities, partners can achieve a more balanced and satisfying personal life. Q8: How do modern relationships accommodate different lifestyles or beliefs? A8: They tend to be more accepting of diversity, fostering a deeper understanding of differences. Q9: Do modern relationships offer more emotional support? A9: They often do, as they are built on principles of empathy and understanding. Q10: Can modern relationships lead to a more fulfilling life? A10: Many find that the focus on equality and support leads to greater fulfillment, both personally and within the relationship.

I was born into the BEST family; I'm super into my family genealogy and I'm so proud of the people in my tree! My parents, Ernie and Bunny, gave the five of us Kern kids the most amazing childhood. Bunny's people: Great Uncle Harvey, Great Aunt Evelyn, Great Aunt Virginia, and my Grandma Marion circa 1980. All beloved elders! Bunny was a badass; not only was she a great cook, seamstress, plumber, electrician, painter, teacher, singer, and coach, but she was also clever and hilarious. Ernie was kind and loving - he was a great father and the BEST girl dad. They loved each other and were BFFs, which set the five of us up for success in our adult lives. They also passed on severe anxiety and attention deficit and hyperactivity to the five of us. Mood and attention disorders like ADHD and anxiety are hardwired in our brains; genetically and through the learned behaviors of the parents we get it from. While we can't help our brain's neurospicy wiring we can build skills to help us overcome most of the challenges we face going through life with less distress tolerance. The key to all good mental health is relaxation. Relaxation: A state of calmness and freedom from tension, both physically and mentally. In our fast-paced world, feelings of anxiety and overwhelm can often sneak into our everyday lives. Whether you're managing stress from work, dealing with chronic pain, or simply trying to find a moment of peace, it is vital for your well-being. One of the most effective strategies for achieving relaxation is through guided exercises. This blog post will guide you through simple relaxation techniques that help calm both your mind and body. These exercises include mindfulness, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation, equipping you with tools to manage your emotional state and physical sensations. How Relaxing Reduces Stress The human body has two modes; keyed up or keyed down. Like all bodily functions those two modes serve a purpose. We live our best lives when we're keyed down, or calm. The calm brain efficiently distributes the body's energy through the parasympathetic nervous system . Breathing is easy, the heart rate is normal, organs are functioning well, and thoughts are focused on the present moment where reality lives. Stress and anxiety shift our brain's chemistry from calm to keyed up. The brain signals the sympathetic nervous system through our fight-or-flight mechanism called the amygdala. Learn more about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system here . We've all experienced walking out into a parking lot at night; the sympathetic nervous system helps you stay alert and aware of your surroundings. Your amygdala releases a bit of adrenaline and cortisol and, if you don't feel safe, you get someone to walk you to your car. You get into your car and safely get home. The amygdala keeps us safe from danger. The neurospicy brain, however, has an amygdala that mimics the meanest, loudest Karen in the universe . Our brains are at risk of an amygdala hijack : " which occurs when our amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotions, overpowers our rational brain regions ." It causes our brain to key up to the degree that our Central Nervous System goes into overload and we act on in ways that make things worse for us or we head towards panic. Understanding Relaxation and Stress Reduction Relaxation techniques can significantly reduce stress by promoting both physical and mental well-being. Here are some key ways relaxation helps in alleviating stress: Physiological Changes Reduced Heart Rate: Relaxation techniques can lower the heart rate, helping the body to enter a state of calm. Lower Blood Pressure : Stress often raises blood pressure; relaxation can counteract this effect. Decreased Muscle Tension : Relaxation helps to relieve muscle tightness and tension, which are common physical responses to stress. Psychological Benefits Improved Mood : Engaging in relaxation activities can lead to the release of endorphins, improving overall mood. Enhanced Focus and Clarity : Relaxation helps clear the mind, allowing for better concentration and decision-making. Emotional Regulation : Regular relaxation practices can enhance emotional resilience, making it easier to cope with stressors. Mind-Body Connection Increased Awareness : Relaxation encourages mindfulness, which promotes awareness of thoughts and feelings without judgment. Stress Response Regulation: Techniques such as deep breathing and meditation can help regulate the body's stress response system. Long-Term Benefits Stress Management Skills : Regular practice of relaxation techniques can help individuals develop better coping strategies for managing stress. Prevention of Stress-Related Illnesses : Reducing stress through relaxation can lower the risk of stress-related health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and cardiovascular problems. Incorporating relaxation techniques into daily life can be a powerful tool for reducing stress, enhancing overall well-being, and promoting a healthier lifestyle. OK - I want to teach you how to relax! How To Relax Put everything you think you know about relaxing out of your head. I'm going to walk you through a relaxation exercise that will help you reach a state of calmness and free your body and mind from tension. Step 1: Mindfulness Check-In The first step in your relaxation journey is to recognize your current emotional and physical state. On a scale from 0 to 10, how emotionally distressed or physically tense do you feel right now? (0 equals total calm, while 10 represents full panic or overwhelming tension.) Take a moment to pause, connect with your feelings, and write your number down: Distress Rating: _____________________ This initial assessment is crucial. For instance, recent studies show that nearly 70% of adults report feeling stress in their daily lives. By identifying your distress level, you can effectively tailor your relaxation exercises. Step 2: Deep Belly Breathing Now that you’ve checked in with yourself, let’s move to deep belly breathing. This powerful technique aids in regulating your breath, slowing your heart rate, and activating your body’s relaxation response. Place one hand on your stomach. Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts—feel your hand rise as your belly expands. Exhale gently through your mouth for 6 counts—feel your belly fall as you release the breath. Repeat this process five times. As you breathe, affirm to yourself: “I am safe. I am grounded. I can slow this moment down.” Deep belly breathing can lower cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress, by up to 25%. Incorporating this into your daily routine can lead to significant improvements in your overall stress levels. Unfiltered photograph of Devils Lake, MI. View courtesy of Bunny & Ernie. Step 3: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Next, let’s focus on progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). This technique is especially helpful for those experiencing chronic pain or illness, enabling you to consciously release tension in your muscles. Follow these steps, holding each muscle group tight for 10 seconds before fully relaxing: Legs: Extend one leg, flex your toes toward your shin, hold → release. Repeat with the other leg. Back: Arch your lower back slightly while opening your chest → hold → release. Arms: Raise both arms straight, clench your fists, then stretch your fingers → release arms to your lap. Shoulders: Shrug your shoulders up toward your ears → hold → release → roll them forward and back. Jaw: Clench your teeth → hold → release → roll your jaw gently side to side. Neck: Drop one ear to your shoulder → breathe → repeat on the other side. Eyes: Squeeze your eyes shut tight → hold → release and let them gently close. Incorporating deep breathing between each muscle group enhances relaxation. Regular practice of PMR has been shown to decrease anxiety and improve sleep quality for many individuals. Step 4: Guided Imagery Now, let’s immerse ourselves in guided imagery. This step is about creating a serene mental space that offers solace. Picture a peaceful place: a calm beach, a tranquil mountain, or a warm, sunlight-filled room. Imagine every detail. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell and feel? Now imagine a warm waterfall pouring down your body, washing away tension from head to toe. Repeat to yourself: “This is my sanctuary. I can return here anytime. I am at peace.” Spending even just 2 to 5 minutes in this mental imagery can lower anxiety and boost emotional resilience, making it an excellent tool for when life feels overwhelming. Ernie and Kimmie rowing on Devils Lake circa 1976. It's my favorite place on earth. Step 5: Re-rate Your Distress Finally, it’s time for a follow-up check-in. On that same scale from 0 to 10, how emotionally or physically distressed do you feel now? Reflect and write your new number down: Distress Rating: ________________ Many people experience a noticeable decrease in their distress level after engaging in these relaxation practices, sometimes moving down by as much as 3 to 5 points. Relaxation Is A Skill - So Practice! Relaxation is not just a one-time activity but a practice that you can integrate into your daily life. The exercises we’ve explored today are powerful tools for anyone facing anxiety, ADHD, chronic pain, or illness. By engaging in mindfulness, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery, you can nurture a greater sense of calm and well-being. Embrace these techniques, and always remind yourself that you can return to your peaceful sanctuary whenever life feels overwhelming. With regular practice, calming your mind and body will become easier, revealing new levels of resilience and tranquility in your life. The view out of my front window. Being mindful is catching these moments and taking them. Give yourself the gift of relaxation and peace—you truly deserve it!