Understanding Premarital Counseling: A Guide for Couples
- Terri Kern
- Aug 23
- 5 min read
Updated: Sep 7
Television and social media make marriage look easy. They portray it as an unbreakable bond that allows couples to withstand all obstacles. However, the reality is different. A healthy marriage requires a great deal of sacrifice and effort. You and your soon-to-be spouse may love each other, but love alone doesn’t prepare you for marriage. A healthy relationship relies on strong communication, realistic expectations, and conflict resolution skills.
The Importance of Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is an essential tool that helps couples develop the skills needed to navigate life's many obstacles together. It provides a stable and supportive environment for couples to grow. Many people are hesitant to sign up for premarital counseling without knowing what to expect. You might have questions like:
Who should go to premarital counseling?
What does premarital counseling do?
Does it cost a lot of money?
How much do we have to share with our counselor?
Will we have to talk about sensitive topics like intimacy?
What if my counselor asks me to share something I don’t want to discuss?
These questions are common among couples considering premarital counseling. Let’s explore some of the most frequent concerns.
What Premarital Counseling Does
Premarital counseling is a specialized form of therapy. It helps couples transition from dating to a more complex marriage commitment. Marriage requires couples to work together and problem-solve in new ways. Without a strong foundation of healthy coping skills, couples may fall victim to destructive communication patterns, such as:
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Premarital counseling equips couples with effective communication skills. It enhances the existing foundation of trust, ensuring that the marriage remains supportive and satisfying for years. The approach to premarital counseling has evolved to include research-based methods, such as:
Who Needs It?
Premarital counseling is beneficial for all types of couples. Whether you are same-sex couples, non-religious couples, or couples entering a second marriage, everyone can gain from this experience. The time spent in sessions before saying “I do” allows you to understand your partner and their needs in new ways. It fosters trust, empathy, and intimacy, which are essential for a successful lifelong marriage.
You don’t want to wait until life-altering challenges arise—like the birth of a child or the loss of a job—to start learning about healthy communication and conflict resolution. By then, you and your partner need to be ready to work together as a team.
Premarital counseling prepares you to keep your relationship healthy and supportive through the good, the bad, and the ugly before you walk down the aisle.
What the Sessions Are Like
A typical premarital counseling session lasts about fifty to sixty minutes. Both partners and the therapist participate in each session. The first session usually focuses on building a relationship with your counselor. They will ask about your relationship history and why you plan to spend your life together. You will also set goals for what you hope to achieve during the sessions.
At some point, your therapist may want to speak with each partner individually. This allows you to provide more information about yourself. The counselor may inquire about your familial background and how you learned to communicate with your original caretakers. This insight helps them understand your preferred communication style.
Some counselors may ask you to complete a questionnaire. A common one used in marriage counseling is the Gottman Relationship Checkup. This tool provides a snapshot of various aspects of your relationship, such as friendship, intimacy, conflict, finances, and parenting. Your counselor will discuss the results with you and offer tips to improve any areas of concern. Each session builds on the last, providing opportunities to practice essential skills for a successful marriage.
Questions to Expect
During your sessions, your counselor will ask various questions. These may cover your sex life, relationship stability, conflict resolution approaches, and how you bond with each other. Questions about your upbringing and lifestyle are common in the initial sessions. Your therapist will also delve deeper into how you and your partner relate.
Some questions might include:
How do you and your partner communicate?
Do you have similar goals regarding children?
How often do you discuss finances?
Are you satisfied with your sex life?
How do you find time to connect each day?
What rituals do you share?
Do you share similar religious beliefs?
What makes each of you happy?
Your therapist may also explore individual areas of concern, such as substance use. Being open and honest with your therapist and partner is crucial for effective premarital counseling.
When to Go
Premarital counseling is designed to help couples transition from dating to marriage. Therefore, it should begin after engagement.
The timing depends on your engagement length. Allow up to eight weeks for the program. Starting three to six months before the wedding is ideal, as it provides flexibility. If you're short on time, you can schedule multiple sessions in a week.
If you and your partner are interested in counseling but aren’t ready to get engaged, couples counseling could be beneficial. Couples living together, sharing children, or having an established relationship may find couples counseling very helpful.
Who to Trust
Like any counseling, premarital counseling should be conducted by a professional with specialized training. Look for a licensed marriage and family therapist when deciding which program is right for you.
While there are books and free online resources, consulting a professional is crucial for preparing you and your future spouse for a lifetime commitment. Free online courses do not provide the same proven results as licensed marriage counselors. While it may be tempting to save money, don’t sacrifice quality when it comes to premarital counseling.
Some couples choose traditional office settings for premarital counseling. However, virtual counseling is equally effective. Many couples find it convenient and effective to engage in sessions from a familiar setting, like home. This comfort can enhance vulnerability and effectiveness. Learn more about the benefits of virtual counseling here.
How Much Does Premarital Counseling Cost?
Premarital counseling typically costs between $120 and $200 per sixty-minute session. Some insurance providers may cover counseling under their network. The quality of counseling depends on whether your provider is a licensed marriage and family counselor. It’s essential to choose a specialized provider, as generalized counselors may lack the necessary training.
Finding the right counselor might require looking outside your network. This isn’t as daunting as it sounds, and many affordable options are available. Out-of-network counselors often work with you to ensure financial concerns don’t hinder quality counseling.
For example, Great Lakes Counseling Group offers clients a special worksheet that helps with insurance-related questions, including how to find out about out-of-network benefits.
How to Choose a Counselor
Many mental health professionals offer premarital counseling, but it’s crucial to find one with a marriage and family therapy license. These counselors are qualified to provide professional premarital counseling.
When searching for a premarital counselor, consider the following questions:
Should your counselor have a religious affiliation?
Should your counselor specialize in same-sex couples?
Do you prefer live or virtual sessions?
Premarital counseling may seem like a lot of effort, but most couples find it worth it. Compared to those who skip counseling, spouses-to-be reported a thirty percent increase in marriage satisfaction. Nearly all participants reported improved couple communication.
Are you ready to take the first step towards a happy, satisfying marriage? Great Lakes Counseling Group is accepting appointments for premarital counseling.
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