When daily life starts taking a toll on your mental health, it can be hard to know how to get back to a sense of normalcy. But the key to mental health lies in the day-to-day. The mental hygiene habits that you practice every day are essential to keeping a healthy mind — and healthy marriage. What is Mental Hygiene? The word hygiene usually denotes habits that support physical health, like brushing your teeth or showering. But this kind of hygiene is all about your habits that benefit your mental health. Mental hygiene is defined by Encyclopedia Britannica as “the science of maintaining mental health and preventing the development of psychosis, neurosis, or other mental disorders.” Anything you do regularly to maintain your emotional stability and mental wellbeing could be characterized as mental hygiene. Regular exercise, good sleeping habits, and an active social life are just a few examples of mental hygiene. Is a Lack of Mental Hygiene a Sign of Mental Illness? Mental illness is sometimes unavoidable. However, many people who suffer from conditions such as anxiety and depression find that they can keep their symptoms at bay by practicing good mental hygiene. The inverse is also true - bad habits can trigger or worsen anxious and depressive episodes. If you or your partner is susceptible to mental illness, good mental hygiene is critical to the health of your relationship. A lack of mental hygiene can also be a sign of mental illness. Things such as inconsistent sleep cycles or lack of interest in socializing can often be a clue that a person is suffering from a mental illness. How Can You Improve Your Mental Hygiene? If you or your partner is feeling mentally unwell, it might be a good idea to take inventory of your habits. How often do you exercise? How much screen time are you logging each day? When was the last time you took a vacation? In relationships, our habits and routines often develop over the course of many years. If you and your spouse aren’t being mindful of how your habits shape your mental health, you should work together to support each other as you adopt a healthier way of life. Read on for a few ways to improve your daily habits and take control of your mental hygiene. 1. Practice Sleep Hygiene Getting enough sleep is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Studies show that sleep acts as a natural antidepressant and helps the body regulate stress hormones. Moreover, an evening routine with your partner is a nice way to spend quality time together after a long day. It offers you a chance to connect emotionally, relax, and be physically intimate. If you’re experiencing a lack of intimacy in your relationship, a strong sleep hygiene routine can help. When you adhere to a bedtime routine, you’ll fall asleep quickly and wake up feeling refreshed. Here are a few tips to improve your sleep habits: Put on pajamas. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. Brush your teeth, wash your face, and put on pajamas. Dim the lights throughout the house. Don’t keep or use any devices in the bedroom. Read a book. Drink non-caffeinated hot tea. Take a warm bubble bath or shower. 2. Move Your Body Exercise is an invaluable part of mental hygiene. Endorphins are an efficient mood booster, and regular exercise means better sleep. If you’re new to exercise, start small with a walk around the block and notice how much better you feel after a little fresh air. Taking a walk with your spouse is also a nice way to spend some quality time together without spending any money. If you’re up for something more intense, don’t feel like you have to rush into a gym membership. Find something that you love and want to stick with. Whether you choose to take up hiking, join a sports league, or sign up for a yoga class, you’ll feel the results in your mind and body in no time. 3. Write It Down Journaling is a very powerful way to check in with yourself and can be a great habit to adopt in your pursuit of mental hygiene. Try keeping a journal and see how it feels to let your mind wander onto the page. Journaling isn’t always about spilling your deepest darkest secrets — even recounting your day or musing on the mundane is a good exercise for your mind. If you’re experiencing high levels of conflict in your relationship, journaling about your relationship goals and commitments to improvement is an effective tool to help. If journaling isn’t your style, you might still find it helpful to write in other ways. Try writing a letter to your spouse or a close friend. Written correspondence is a deeply personal way of bonding and improving your relationship. 4. Spend Time in Nature Cities and suburbs have a way of making us feel disconnected, and spending time in the great outdoors is like hitting the reset button. Time and time again, studies have found that spending quality time in nature is hugely beneficial to your mental health. Try to incorporate something outdoors into your mental hygiene regimen. Find a trail, go for a picnic, or simply lay in the grass and cloud gaze. Better yet, commit to taking a romantic weekend in the outdoors with your lover. You’ll feel connected to each other and to nature. 5. Unplug Regularly Computers, TVs, phones, and tablets eat up untold hours of each day and can be extremely damaging to both mental and physical health. Limiting screen time can be hugely beneficial. Set up screen time limits in your household and make a point of spending time together without devices. Consider instituting a “digital sabbath” one day a week where you totally unplug from the digital world. It might be hard at first, but you’ll soon start to look forward to going offline. 6. Spend Time with Loved Ones Never underestimate the power of a coffee date with a friend. Humans are social creatures, and maintaining your social life is an indispensable part of mental hygiene. If you’re having trouble finding joy in your relationship, socializing with your mutual friends can offer a refreshing alternative to sitting at home with each other. Make plans to see your friends and family throughout the week, even if it’s just a quick lunch. You and your spouse should also make sure you’re making time to hang out throughout the week. Spending time with the ones you love is an existential necessity and is vital to your mental health. 7. Find a Hobby Hobbies are a great way to keep your mind occupied with something productive and can connect you to new people who share your interests. Hobbies are an important part of finding personal fulfillment, as well as maintaining a sense of independence. Whether it’s knitting or rock climbing, incorporating a new hobby into your routine is a great way to stay busy and maintain balance in your life. Mental hygiene is all about healthy habits and intentionality. When you commit to making positive changes in your life, it has a ripple effect. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind, and a healthy mind fosters healthy relationships. When To Seek Help It can be hard to heal your marriage if one or both of you is stuck in a cycle of bad mental hygiene and poor mental health. Working these matters out often requires more than simply adopting new habits. A couples counselor can help you and your partner work together to establish healthier routines. Opening the lines of communication about your needs and concerns when it comes to mental health will help you reclaim your relationship and build a foundation of mutual support. If you’re ready to take control of your mental health and your marriage, sign up for your judgment-free session with our couples counselors today.

Thousands of women silently suffer from postpartum OCD (PPOCD) every day. Here’s how you can eliminate obsessive and intrusive thoughts once and for all. For many people, having a child is a cause for joy and celebration. But for some women, these overwhelming feelings can morph into something else entirely. They may experience obsessive thoughts about their baby's safety or intrusive thoughts about harm. These thoughts can lead to a disorder known as postpartum OCD (PPOCD). In this blog post, we will discuss the symptoms of PPOCD how to get help, and ways to cope with the disorder. What is Postpartum OCD? Postpartum OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is a kind of postpartum anxiety disorder that can occur after the birth of a child. PPOCD includes intrusive thoughts about the baby's safety, including disturbing thoughts of harming the baby. Intense feelings of fear and worry often accompany these thoughts. Perinatal OCD is a similar disorder that can occur during pregnancy. How is postpartum OCD different from other kinds of OCD? In most cases of PPOCD, individuals can recognize that their thoughts are irrational. But, new mothers may not be able to see that their thoughts are not based in reality. Instead, they may genuinely believe that they can harm their child, even though they would never do so. Also, the onset of postpartum OCD tends to be faster than other kinds of OCD. Why do obsessive thoughts focus on the unborn/newborn baby? It's normal to experience increased anxiety about your new baby. But there are a few factors that may contribute to the development of postpartum OCD intrusive thoughts. First, the birth of a child is a life-changing event that can trigger anxiety and stress. In addition, new mothers have less time to take care of themselves. They frequently experience sleep deprivation and increased anxiety levels. Finally, hormonal changes after childbirth play a role in the development of PPOCD. Who suffers from postpartum OCD? PPOCD much more common than most people think. But because of the embarrassing and shameful nature of the intrusive thoughts, most people feel uncomfortable talking about them. PPOCD may affect about 1-2% of pregnant or postpartum women. Tens of thousands of women experience obsessive and intrusive thoughts every day. New fathers are also susceptible to postpartum OCD when they also take part in caring for the baby. Is postpartum OCD connected to postpartum depression? It is possible to experience both PPOCD and postpartum depression (PPD) simultaneously. Negative thinking patterns may cause obsessive thoughts. Likewise, obsessive thoughts can cause depression. It's unclear if one causes the other or if a different root cause links PPD and PPOCD. How Do I Know If I Have Postpartum OCD? There are several tell-tale symptoms when it comes to postpartum OCD. But the only real way to determine if you have PPOCD is to seek help from a medical doctor or certified mental health professional. Postpartum OCD Symptoms The most common symptom of PPOCD is intrusive, unwanted thoughts about harming the baby. These thoughts can be so persistent and distressing that they interfere with everyday life. Other symptoms may include: Checking on the baby obsessively. Excessive cleaning and sterilization. Avoiding activities or places where you think you might harm the baby. Examples include bathing the baby, holding the baby, using stairs, or changing diapers. Seeking reassurance from others about the safety of the baby. Feeling guilty or ashamed about your thoughts. Excessive research or worry about your baby's safety or well-being. Constantly seeking reassurance from others about your baby's safety. Feeling like you are "going crazy" or that you are a bad mother. Postpartum OCD sexually intrusive thoughts are also commonly reported. Will my thoughts and compulsions lead me to harm my baby? Just because you have thoughts about harming your baby does not mean that you are capable of doing so. Women with postpartum OCD are incredibly loving and dedicated mothers who would never dream of actually harming their children. However, the constant stress that comes with the disorder can be quite debilitating. Getting Help for Postpartum OCD When someone you love has PPOCD When you suspect someone else is suffering from PPOCD, or if you’re trying to be a supportive partner, it can be challenging to know how to help. The most important thing you can do is to provide support and understanding. Here are some other things that may be helpful: Encourage the person to seek professional postpartum OCD treatment. Help with household tasks and childcare to reduce stress and anxiety in the new parent's life. Avoid judgment. It can be easy to judge someone, but it's important to remember that they are not in control of their thoughts. Be a sounding board. Sometimes, just talking about the intrusive thoughts can help lessen their power. Offer reassurance. Reassuring the person that they are a good parent and that their baby is safe can help ease their anxiety. If you think you might be suffering from postpartum OCD It is important to seek help from a medical professional or mental health provider. Managing PPOCD is possible if you address the issue intentionally. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective postpartum OCD treatment. In CBT, patients work with a therapist to identify negative thought patterns and replace them with more positive, realistic thoughts. Patients also learn coping and relaxation techniques that can help manage anxiety. Talk therapy is another way to address intrusive thinking caused by postpartum OCD. Here at Great Lakes Counseling Group, we can provide you with the support and guidance you need. We understand how difficult it can be to cope with intrusive thoughts and we are here to help. Reclaim control over your thinking patterns and learn to manage your PPOCD. Sign up for your judgment-free session with our expert PPOCD counselors today.

Are you a new parent? Then, get ready for the ride of a lifetime — in a good way (mostly). This partner's guide to postpartum support will offer your tips and ideas for easing the stress of new parenthood on your relationship. The first few weeks after having a baby can be overwhelming for both parents. As a new parent, you are probably feeling a range of emotions. You may be elated one minute and then feel like you're about to lose your mind the next. The reality is that everyone experiences challenges following childbirth. The transition to parenthood is not always easy, and it may even push you and your partner to the edge of your very sanity. Here's what the toxic positivity parenting magazines and polished social media influencers won't tell you about new parenthood — 83 percent of new parents experience moderate to severe crisis levels after entering parenthood. In other words, it’s normal if you and your partner are hot messes right now. If you’re trying to figure out how in the world you're supposed to take care of a new baby and a recovering new mama, you've come to the right place. Increasing your awareness of postpartum effects and actively striving to support your partner is an incredible first step. So let’s get started! Accept Postpartum Realities If you're expecting to enjoy the same levels of free time, energy, and intimacy you had before your partner gave birth, then it's time for a reality check. The postpartum period lasts from the time the baby is born to one year or more. Your partner's physical recovery can take between six weeks and three months, but her mental and emotional recovery may take longer. Understand that some aspects of life will be challenging for a while, such as: Lack of sleep Emotional depletion Unstable mood Disinterest in sex Depression Anxiety Irritability Restlessness This list isn't exhaustive, but you get the idea. So take a deep breath and make space for some grace. Remember, these issues are only temporary and should pass with time. Be Aware of Postpartum Mental Health Challenges There are instances where postpartum issues require professional help. For example, postpartum depression (PPD) is a mental health disorder that can develop after childbirth. It's estimated that up to one in five new mothers experience PPD, and it can also affect fathers and non-birthing partners. PPD symptoms in new mothers can include: Loss of interest in hobbies and activities Lethargy Excessive crying Changes in appetite or weight Anxiety Panic attacks Intrusive thoughts Severe mood swings Difficulty bonding with the baby Feelings of worthlessness, shame, and guilt Postpartum anxiety is another perinatal mental health disorder that can affect new parents. Postpartum anxiety symptoms can present similarly to PPD but with a focus on anxiety-provoking thoughts and feelings of impending doom. Postpartum psychosis is another rare but serious mental health condition that can occur after childbirth. Postpartum psychosis symptoms can include: Hallucinations Delusions Paranoia Disorganized thinking Sleep deprivation Agitation Erratic behavior If you're noticing any changes in your partner's mental health, talk to her about it and encourage her to seek professional help if necessary. Lookout for Postpartum Physical Challenges In addition to the mental and emotional challenges of postpartum, many women also experience physical challenges. Partners need to be aware of these so you can offer support where necessary. Some common physical challenges your partner may experience postpartum include: Exhaustion Muscle aches and pains Headaches Backaches Constipation Hemorrhoids Perineal tearing or episiotomy pain Urinary incontinence As a partner, you can't do much to help with many of these physical challenges directly, but you can offer support in other ways. For example, you can take on additional household responsibilities, so your partner can rest or help her find resources like a perineal cold pack or hot bath for relief from discomfort. Your small efforts to offer comfort and support will go a long way. How to Support a Postpartum Partner The most important thing you can offer your partner is physical and emotional support as she recovers from childbirth. While your individual partner's needs may differ, a few standard pieces of advice are sure to help all new mamas across the board. 1. Be patient Postpartum recovery takes time, and it's essential to be patient with your partner as she heals both physically and emotionally. If she seems forgetful, scattered, over-emotional, or overwhelmed, cut her some slack and do what you can to ease her mind. 2. Communicate Talk to your partner about her needs and how you can best support her. Postpartum is a time of many changes, and it can be challenging to adjust. Open communication will help you both navigate this time more smoothly. 3. Express love in new ways Learn your partner's love language and try out some novel ways of showing her you care. For example, if she prefers physical touch, offer her back rubs or draw her up a warm bubble bath. 4. Help out around the house Postpartum recovery is exhausting, so do what you can to lighten your partner's load. For example, take on some extra household chores or run errands for her so she can focus on taking care of herself and the baby. 5. Listen Postpartum can be a time of many emotions, so offer a listening ear when your partner wants to talk. Just being there for her can make a big difference. Try active listening techniques to make her feel understood. 6. Encourage her to seek professional help If you're concerned about your partner's mental health or physical recovery, encourage her to seek professional help. Postpartum health challenges are common, and there is no shame in seeking help. Rekindling a Close Connection Postpartum can be a time when many couples feel they have lost the closeness they once shared. But once you establish more of a balance in sharing household duties and parenthood tasks, you will find more time to devote to each other. If you're looking for ideas to help rekindle your connection, here are some to get you started. Find ways to nurture your relationship outside of the bedroom. Make an effort to talk about things other than the baby or household chores. Schedule regular date nights, even if it's just a movie night at home. Be affectionate with each other, both physically and emotionally. Share your feelings and concerns openly with each other. Listen to each other without judgment. Respect each other's needs and boundaries. Working together as a team will help you feel supported and connected during this time. Postpartum recovery is a process, but it's one that you can go through together. By offering support, understanding, and patience, you can help your partner adjust to this new stage of life and rekindle your connection. If you're a partner struggling with postpartum support, don't hesitate to reach out for help. Great Lakes Counseling Group offers resources and support for both partners. We can help you navigate through the transition to parenthood while also nurturing your ability to connect romantically with one another. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation consultation. Or, click below to schedule your first appointment.

As a new mother, it's normal to feel overwhelmed with feelings — like tons of feelings. We're talking a 60-foot-tall-rogue-wave-roller-coaster of emotions that include everything from love and joy to fatigue and moodiness. Combine the hormonal fluctuations that happen during the postpartum period with the stress of having a new child, and there's just no way around it — new moms are bound to be anxious. However, severe and persistent anxiety may go beyond normal parental worry. If you're feeling drained by constant high anxiety levels without any relief, you could be suffering from a condition known as postpartum anxiety. If left unaddressed, your mental health and relationships could suffer. Don't panic, though — by educating yourself about the problem, you can work with your health provider and loved ones to regain control of your life. What is postpartum anxiety? Postpartum anxiety (PPA) is characterized by an acute sense of dread, anxiety, and worry following childbirth. It can be debilitating for women and new families, though it often goes undiagnosed and untreated. Postpartum anxiety is more intense and longer-lasting than the baby blues — common feelings of sadness, worry, and exhaustion that many women experience after having a baby. It's also different from postpartum depression, a condition characterized by intense bouts of sadness, low energy, and intrusive thoughts. While postpartum anxiety shares some of the same symptoms as postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety is specifically characterized by feelings of nervousness or edginess rather than sadness or hopelessness. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for women to experience both simultaneously. Some women are at a higher risk for postpartum anxiety than others. Women who suffered from anxiety before pregnancy are at increased risk for postpartum anxiety. Women with a history of an eating disorder, a mood disorder, or miscarriage are also at a higher risk. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, postpartum anxiety occurs in up to 20% of postpartum women in the United States. It can cause physical symptoms and mental and emotional symptoms that negatively affect you and your relationships. Physical Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety Anxiety often manifests itself through your body's physical response to stress. Symptoms can include — Shortness of breath Chest pain or racing heart Dizziness Sweating Shakiness Nausea Hot flashes If you begin to experience physical symptoms of postpartum anxiety, it's a good indication that you should consider medical intervention. Mental and Emotional Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety It can be harder to differentiate between the "normal" anxiety that you may feel as a new parent from the heightened state of fear that accompanies postpartum anxiety. Many women with postpartum anxiety experience some or all of the following symptoms — Constant worry that doesn't go away Feelings of dread Intense fear of death (for you or your baby) Sleep disruption Racing thoughts Obsessive thoughts Intrusive thoughts Difficulty focusing Memory problems Irritability Excessive guilt Inability to enjoy motherhood or your baby Loss of interest in hobbies, activities, and people you used to enjoy Postpartum anxiety becomes a problem when it's severe and persistent and interferes with your ability to function in daily life. If you're struggling to take care of yourself or your family, if you're not able to work or complete other essential tasks, it may be time to seek help from your mental health provider to feel like yourself again. What kinds of postpartum anxiety are there? Postpartum anxiety may manifest in varying degrees of severity. For some people, the symptoms align more closely with generalized anxiety disorder. Others may experience a different or more extreme form of PPA. Postpartum Panic Disorder Postpartum panic disorder is a more severe form of postpartum anxiety. In postpartum panic disorder, feelings of anxiousness and worry become so overwhelming that they trigger panic attacks. Panic attacks are short episodes of severe anxiety and are often accompanied by a profound fear of death or the sense of having "lost control." Postpartum panic disorder can make it hard to care for your baby and yourself. Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Postpartum OCD is another form of PPA in which intrusive, unwanted, and often disturbing thoughts (obsessions) lead to compulsions. These repetitive behaviors are done to ease the anxiety caused by obsessive thoughts. For example, a new mother with Postpartum OCD might have frequent intrusive thoughts about harming her baby, even though she wouldn't act on these thoughts. In response, she may compulsively wash her hands or avoid being around sharp objects. Postpartum OCD can be extremely distressing, especially since many mothers worry that others will judge them for their uncontrollable thoughts. Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) While Postpartum PTSD is less common than other forms of PPA, it does occur in about 9% of postpartum women. Postpartum PTSD can develop after a traumatic birth experience or in response to a previous trauma triggered by the stress of new motherhood. Symptoms of Postpartum PTSD can include — Flashbacks Intrusive thoughts Nightmares Avoidance behaviors Difficulty bonding with your baby Hypervigilance Exaggerated startle response Postpartum PTSD can be incredibly isolating, so it's vital to seek professional help if you think you might be struggling with this form of PPA. How does postpartum anxiety affect your relationships? Postpartum anxiety can strain all your relationships — with your partner, family, friends, and even your relationship with your baby. Even mild forms of postpartum anxiety can place undue stress on a relationship. Bonding with your baby The relationship between mother and child exists in a delicate feedback loop. For example, if mom experiences a heightened state of anxiety, baby likely feels the effects of that anxiety, too. Even newborn babies are attuned to our moods and states of mind. This is especially true for nursing babies, as stress produces elevated cortisol levels and other stress-related hormones. Connecting with your partner Your partner is also likely to feel the effects of your postpartum anxiety. Unfortunately, postpartum anxiety can strain even the strongest of relationships. The demands of new parenthood are immense, and when you're struggling with anxiety, it's easy to withdraw from your partner both physically and emotionally. It's essential to communicate with your partner about how postpartum anxiety affects you and your relationship. Postpartum anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, and seeking help is a strength, not a weakness. How do you overcome postpartum anxiety? If you're struggling with postpartum anxiety, know that you're not alone — and that there is hope. The good news is that postpartum anxiety is temporary and typically responds well to treatment. In addition, some of your stress will likely subside as your hormone levels balance out as you begin to settle into your new routine. However, you shouldn't wait to take control of your postpartum anxiety. Here are the ways to overcome PPA fast. Seek Professional Help Your first step should be to speak with your doctor about what you're experiencing. Only professionals can help you determine if the issue is baby blues, postpartum depression, or postpartum anxiety. Your doctor can also help you find the resources and support you need. Your doctor may recommend things like acupuncture, medication, or supplements to help ease your anxiety. In addition, your doctor might refer you to a psychiatrist for cognitive behavioral therapy for more severe cases. CBT can help you develop healthier thought patterns and overcome anxious or obsessive thoughts. You may also pursue acceptance and commitment therapy, a practice rooted in the idea that your feelings are valid but don't have to dictate your behavior or prevent you from thriving. Adopt Healthy Habits Though it can be challenging to entertain the idea of exercise when you're sleep-deprived and recovering from childbirth, exercise is an integral part of perinatal care. Even a short daily walk can boost your mood, calm your nerves, and improve your sleep patterns. Adopting a mindfulness practice is another way to ease postpartum anxiety. Mindfulness practices like mediation can help you learn to focus your thoughts and be more present in the moment. Meditation isn't as easy as it looks, but research has found meditation highly effective in managing stress, anxiety, and insomnia. Journaling can help, too. Those first few months of your baby's life will someday seem like a blur, so keeping a journal can be a nice keepsake for a new parent. More importantly, journaling is a great way to spill your thoughts and channel your emotions. When you write your feelings out, you can often recognize your thought patterns as helpful or hurtful. Keeping a journal is an excellent way to track your mood and progress throughout your postpartum journey. Final Thoughts Postpartum anxiety often goes undiagnosed, and it can have severe and lasting effects on new families. Always be transparent with your partner, healthcare provider, and support system about what you're experiencing. Remember that you are not alone. If you feel that postpartum anxiety has placed a tremendous strain on your mental health or relationship, you may benefit from therapy. Great Lakes Counseling Group works with individuals and couples experiencing significant life events, such as childbirth, to help you reclaim control over your happiness and wellbeing. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation consultation. Or, click below to schedule your first appointment.

Do you ever feel that your partner doesn't understand you? If so, you may be experiencing a love language mismatch. This guide will detail the love languages and how to identify which one(s) you and your partner share. I'll also provide tips for overcoming love language mismatches and creating a more fulfilling relationship. Coined by author Gary Chapman in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages, the term love languages describes how people prefer to give and receive love. Because of our different upbringings, cultures, and personalities, we all have different desires when it comes to love. Identifying the love language of each partner is an excellent place to start when you're trying to increase intimacy in your relationship. As you learn more about each love language, you can identify new ways to show your partner that you love them. What are the love languages? While there's no right or wrong way to express love, knowing the different love languages in relationships of all kinds can help you better communicate your needs and desires with your partner. Most importantly, learning more about love languages can help you understand what your partner needs from you. There are five main ways people give and receive love from one another. Everyone has a primary love language, which is the way they most prefer to give and receive love. However, most people also have a secondary love language, which is the way they second-most prefer to give and receive love. Do you recognize any of these expressions of love in your loved ones? 1. Words of Affirmation Words of affirmation are the things we say to express love. When a person's love language is words of affirmation, they'll want to exchange "I love yous" a lot. Words of affirmation can also take the form of compliments, cute text messages, and verbal expressions of appreciation. For example, they might feel loved when their partner tells them they're doing a great job or expresses gratitude for something they've done. Conversely, people who prefer Words of Affirmation might feel unloved if their partner criticizes them or withholds compliments. Quick tips for expressing words of affirmation to your partner: Tell them how much you appreciate them Let them know how lucky you feel to have them in your life Express how grateful you are for their presence in your life Tell them how much you admire and respect them Let them know how proud you are of them Thank them for their support and love Things to avoid: ​​Criticizing or nitpicking Complaining constantly Putting them down Making them feel guilty Using sarcasm or irony If you want to make sure your partner feels loved and appreciated, take the time to learn about which words of affirmation make your partner feel most supported. 2. Quality Time If your love language is quality time, you probably enjoy going on dates, eating meals together, or spending the evening on the couch with your partner. Defining what quality time means to you and your partner is essential. Talk to your partner about their perfect day spent with you so you can plan a great date. Quality timers feel loved when their partner makes time for them, and they feel neglected when their partner is busy or distracted for long periods. Quick tips for sharing quality time with your partner: Plan special outings or date nights Make time to talk and listen to each other Engage in activities together that you both enjoy Share new experiences together Take the time to just be with each other without distractions Things to avoid: Spending too much time talking about work or other stressors Focusing on negative aspects of your relationship Spending too much time arguing or engaging in conflict Allowing outside distractions to take away from your time together No matter how busy your life is, it is important to make time for your partner. By showing them that they are a priority in your life, you can deepen the connection between you and create a stronger foundation for your relationship. 3. Giving and Receiving Gifts Ah, the romantic trope of being surprised by a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates! If this sounds like the pinnacle of romantic gestures, your love language might be receiving gifts. But, if this is your partner's love language, make sure you budget for it. Even small gifts can go a long way in expressing and receiving love. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift — it could be something as simple as a card, flowers, or a homemade meal. And remember, it's the thought that counts. People who love receiving gifts might feel unloved if their partner never gives them gifts or if they only receive practical gifts (like socks or a toothbrush). Quick tips for giving gifts to your partner: Talk to their friends or family about what they like Consider what your partner needs Pay attention to hints Surprise your partner with small tokens Get creative with your gifts to keep them guessing Things to avoid: Getting your partner something that you want Getting your partner something that is too expensive Waiting until the last minute — these types know when gifts are planned vs. rushed It's not the gift itself that matters, but the thought behind it. If you put some thought into your gift and show that you care, your partner will appreciate it no matter what. 4. Acts of Service Acts of service are things that we do to show our love. It might be your love language if you find it sexy when your partner helps out around the house. Acts of Service can also include taking care of your spouse when they're sick or running an errand for them. People who love acts of service might feel neglected if their partner doesn't help out around the house or if they don't pitch in when there's a big project to be done. Quick tips for performing acts of service for your partner: Pick up their favorite snack on the way home from work Send them a text during their break at work Cook dinner for them after a long day Do something that you know they need help with, but don't like to do (i.e. take out the trash, vacuum) Things to avoid: Trying to "one-up" them with your acts of service Avoiding chores and errands around the house Not following through on your promises to help out Making them feel like they owe you When it comes to acts of service, it's the thought that counts. No matter how big or small, your partner will appreciate the gesture. Physical Touch Some degree of physical intimacy is a hallmark of any loving relationship. Cuddling, caressing, and kissing are sweet ways to connect with your partner. If your partner loves a morning spent in bed and greets you with a warm hug after a long day, their love language might be physical touch. If your partner's love language is physical touch, they might feel neglected if you don't touch them often or if you avoid physical intimacy for too long. Quick tips for showing physical affection to your partner: Hug and kiss them as part of your greeting and departing ritual Surprise them with intimate encounters Sit close to them when you are watching TV or talking Hold their hand when you are walking together Give them a massage after a long day Things to avoid: Withdrawing affection if they do something that upsets you Not returning their affection Using physical touch as leverage to manipulate them If you want to show your partner that you love them, it is important to be thoughtful about how you express yourself. Can love languages improve intimacy? Love languages give you a new insight into the things your partner values most in your relationship. It's part of understanding what makes them "tick." Once you know your partner's love language, you'll naturally identify ways to show them that you love them and how to improve intimacy between you. We all have a primal need to love and be loved - whether familial love, platonic love, or romantic love. And so often, those little gestures allow us to let our guard down and be vulnerable with our loved ones. As our lives become more and more complicated by day-to-day stress and routines, connecting through acts of love becomes much more critical. Learning your partner's love language means understanding what you can do for your partner to help them feel safe and secure — and that security is the foundation of all intimacy. Can love languages help you avoid conflict? Sometimes, conflict arises within marriage because we fail to recognize our partner's love language. If you're not "speaking their language," your partner might not feel like you're doing enough to show them you love them. Imagine a scenario where you shower your spouse with gifts, but they begin to harbor resentment because you never help out around the house. You may be expressing your love sincerely, but you're not speaking their love language! These situations are a common occurrence in my practice. Learning about each other's language is vital in healing a damaged relationship, especially for high-conflict couples. Once you know their love language, you'd be surprised by how many opportunities you suddenly find to remind your partner that you love them. How do you know your love language? There are a few different ways to identify your love language. One way is to think about how you express love to others. For example, do you like to do things for them, or do you prefer to tell them how you feel? Do you want to spend time with them, or do you like to give them gifts? Another way to identify your love language is to think about how you feel when your partner expresses love to you. For example, do words of affirmation make you feel loved, or do they fall flat? If acts of service are meaningful to you, does your partner know what kinds of things you appreciate? Maybe you know your relationship well enough to pinpoint your love language preferences on your own. For most people, the answer isn't so easy. First, take a love language test with your partner and compare your answers. Once you've identified your love language(s), it's important to communicate this to your partner. This way, they can be aware of how they can best love and support you. Then, think of a few ways you can show your partner that you love them — in their love language. Do you have a love language mismatch with your partner? If you feel like your partner isn't speaking your love language, it's important to communicate this to them. It can be challenging to open up about these things, but it's essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Love language mismatches can often be resolved by simply communicating your needs to your partner. However, if you're finding it difficult to communicate with your partner, or if you're not sure how to overcome a love language mismatch, couples counseling can help. Find out if couples counseling can improve your relationship. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation consultation. Or, click below to schedule your first appointment.

One of the most common issues I hear about from couples in my counseling sessions is that disagreements quickly spiral into heated arguments. While it's normal for couples to argue, couples who argue a lot aren't enjoying a healthy relationship. If this sounds like you, you may be a high conflict couple. The disagreements between couples often stem from something relatively minor, like a household issue or a poorly-expressed thought. More often than not, these "molehills" can be easily addressed with better communication skills. Learning how to navigate the small stuff can help high conflict couples build trust, maintain a mindful presence, and avoid the potential for tension in your relationship. So if you're ready to enjoy a more peaceful relationship with your partner, here are five tips for avoiding arguments and keeping things copesetic. 5 Tips for High Conflict Couples to Avoid Arguments 1. Recognize your grievance. Sometimes we segue into a larger issue from a smaller one without realizing it. For example, maybe your partner has a habit of leaving dishes in the sink. That's a natural starting point for a conversation – but think about the real conversation you want to have. Is the problem just about dishes in the sink, or is there an overall issue with inconsiderate behavior? Before expressing your concerns, be honest about why you're upset. This will help high conflict couples approach the conversation more mindfully and keep a level head. For example, if the problem is just about dishes in the sink, ask yourself why that's worthy of a discussion - is it your pet peeve? Are you worried about inviting pests? Taking a moment to diagnose the root of your grievance will help high conflict couples have a more productive conversation. If the problem is really about something larger within your relationship, bring it up tactfully. Just be sure to do it at a time when you both have the time and emotional capacity to discuss it. 2. Focus on solutions, not problems. Problems have a way of occupying our thoughts because they're "received information," whereas solutions take more work to produce. When you take a step back and recognize potential solutions to bring to the conversation, it's so much easier to avoid an argument. Imagine a couple who have been married for a while. One party feels that they never do anything fun anymore, and the other stresses about spending money on dates. It's easy to see how a high conflict couple might spiral this difference into an argument, even though each person's perspective is valid. A mindful couple would see this as a chance to put their heads together and get creative. They might spend an afternoon brainstorming inexpensive date ideas they would both enjoy. Asking your partner to brainstorm solutions with you is an excellent way of keeping the end goal front and center. Bringing some ideas to the conversation ahead of time is productive, too. Keeping solutions in mind when you initiate a conversation keeps things in perspective and can fundamentally change the nature of the conversation from a problem to a solution. 3. Practice maintaining a pleasant tone. Can you think of a time when someone asked you for something reasonable, but the way they asked you felt rude? Likewise, high conflict couples are sometimes guilty of carelessness in their delivery. Studies have repeatedly shown that communication style can make or break a relationship. We're far more inclined to listen when someone's communication style is measured and considerate. To dialogue a little more mindfully, consider trying the following: Fight the urge to "snap" at your partner. When you start to get irritated, take a moment to breathe and collect yourself. Avoid blame and sarcasm. Remember, you're talking to someone you love. Focus on how the situation makes you feel using "I" statements. Use a conversational tone and avoid swearing. Think about what your body language is saying. Stay centered in the love and respect you feel towards your partner. Remember, there's always a way to communicate your needs without hurting anyone's feelings. For some high conflict couples, it comes down to timing. For example, if you know they've had a hard week at work, a Friday night might not be the best time to bring up something that's been bothering you. If your partner isn't a morning person, they'll probably appreciate that you kept things light until their coffee's done its job. 4. Keep it breezy. Remember those first few months of your relationship when everything was so fun and simple? But, of course, things don't stay that way forever — we call it "getting serious" for a reason. But don't take yourself too seriously. There's a lot of evidence to support the idea that humor is as much a part of a healthy relationship as love, sex, and mutual understanding, but it's not talked about nearly as much. High conflict couples need to give their relationship room to breathe by finding ways to have fun and goof off together. You'll find that the more time you spend laughing in each other's company, the less time you'll spend focusing on disagreements in your relationship. Similarly, be sure to acknowledge the positive things about your relationship and your partner. It's so important to be vocal about the things you love about your partner - not just for them, but for you. Spending too much time talking about the negative can consume you and your relationship. 5. Talk about yourself, not your partner. Consider the difference between the following: "I'm feeling ignored right now. Can you put your phone down for a little while so we can hang out?" "You've been on your phone for an hour. It's like you're ignoring me." Notice how the second one seems almost combative and assumes that the other person has bad intentions, while the first is a statement of needs. Can you imagine how those two conversations might go in very different directions? High conflict couples can alleviate tension by focusing on feelings rather than actions. Start with an "I" statement rather than a "you" statement to avoid blaming your partner. Taking ownership of your feelings can help you better communicate how your partner's actions affect you. Communication takes practice, and learning how to have a fruitful conversation is a skill that requires a lot of work - but it's worth it. Approaching conflict with self-awareness and a mindful perspective prevents hurt feelings and helps you support each other's needs and dreams. Always remember that you're talking to someone you love, and the rest will follow. If you've reached a point in your relationship where it feels impossible to have a conversation without it getting heated, you might need help from a neutral third party. Couples counseling is a great way to learn how to better communicate with your partner, navigate complex topics, and rebuild your relationship with a stronger foundation of trust and care. Find out if couples counseling can improve your marriage. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation consultation. Ready to Book an Appointment?

It's that time of year again - the time when everyone is giving up on resolutions for the new year. According to some studies, only 8% of people successfully achieve their resolutions. Why is it so hard to keep our resolutions? And more importantly, what can we do to increase our chances of success? In this blog post, I'm going to share some tips from five supportive spouses who are successfully keeping their New Year's resolutions in 2022. Why Our Resolutions Fail One reason people give up on their resolutions is that they set themselves up for failure. They try to do too much or make resolutions that are impossible to keep. For example, if you're trying to lose weight, don't vow never to eat dessert again. Instead, try setting a goal of eating healthier foods and exercising more. This way, you're more likely to succeed, and you won't feel so discouraged when you slip up occasionally. Another reason people fail is that they don't have a plan. If you want to save money, for example, figure out how much money you need to save each month and develop a plan for how you will achieve this goal. Vowing to save "some money" is much more likely to fail than if you set a specific goal. People also give up on their resolutions because they don't have any support. This is especially true for spouses trying to change or improve themselves. For example, if you're trying to quit smoking, it's helpful to have your spouse on your side. A supportive spouse will remind you why you quit and provide encouragement and support when you're feeling tempted to smoke. It's only natural to try and fail a few times before you finally find success. However, if you and your spouse are truly struggling to hold each other accountable and meet your goals, it's time to recalibrate yourselves for progress. 5 Tips For Helping Each Stick To Your New Year Resolutions So, what can you and your spouse do to make sure that you stick to your resolutions this year? Here are five ways I've seen couples overcome the odds and keep each other on track. 1. "If one of you already slipped up, shake it off and try again." As humans, we're bound to make mistakes, but that doesn't mean you can't get back on track. For example, just because you made a mistake and missed a few days (or weeks) of gym time doesn't mean your health resolutions are ruined forever. In January, Jeff and Tara from Columbus, OH, set a goal of living a healthier lifestyle and committed to spending more time with each other during the workweek. I recently caught up with the couple and asked them to give me some insight into how their 2022 resolutions are going. At the end of our quick interview, Jeff explained the importance of finding your why. "Think about the reason you made your resolutions in the first place. The real reason people create goals is to find more joy. Living a healthy lifestyle leads to longevity; it gives us more time for adventures. Spending more time together helps us achieve a more satisfying relationship. It all comes down to creating more joy." Jeff and Tara offer this simple advice: as you recalibrate yourselves to keep your new year resolutions, discuss the deeper motivation behind your goals in 2022. According to Tara, "When you keep your eye on the why behind your resolution, it's easy to forgive yourself for messing up and move forward with your best effort. So if one of you already slipped up, shake it off and try again." 2. "It's easier to keep New Year resolutions that start small." When I asked newlyweds Damion and Kenya from Cleveland, OH, how their resolutions were going, they explained that they're trying something different this year. Instead of going big and making an overwhelming commitment, they are aiming for little successes with the hope of making progress over time. "Don't try to do too much at once. Instead, set small goals that you can easily achieve. It’s easier to keep New Year resolutions that start small. This year, we're just working on saving a little money each month until we can pay off our wedding. We already paid the smallest balance, so now we're just working our way up," Kenya tells me. The couple agreed to set aside a little bit from each paycheck and chip away at the debt until it's gone. Working together to tackle life's challenges makes things twice as easy. Not only does accomplishing a life goal with your spouse offer a chance for bonding, but if you set your sights on mutual financial goals, it can also improve your quality of life. 3. “Just make a plan and stick to it.” Without a map to guide your journey, there's no telling where you're headed. Marie-Louise and Jason of Cincinnati, OH, just celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary, and they've made many resolutions along the way. They told me the best way to keep a resolution is to lay out a plan for success. "Figure out how you will achieve your goals and make a timeline for yourself," Jason explains. "Just make a plan and stick to it. It helps keep you accountable. You can always adjust the plan as things come up. We're just taking it one step at a time." The couple decided their goal for 2022 is to remodel their kitchen. The project is extra special because they committed to a do-it-yourself approach that gives them a chance to work together as a team and reinforce the foundation of trust that keeps them going. 4. “You need to be supportive of your spouse.” There's nothing worse than feeling unsupported by the people you love the most. So when Sylvania, OH resident Rachel resolved to quit drinking alcohol, her wife Kelly prioritized supporting her. "It's all about providing encouragement and helping to keep each other motivated," Kelly tells me. “You need to be supportive of your spouse, otherwise they aren’t as invested in the resolution.” When Rachel and Kelly socialize with other couples, Kelly helps keep Rachel on track by staying sober with her and mixing up fun mocktails at parties. While you don't necessarily have to go all-in by resolving to give up the same things, gestures like Kelly's are a great example of what it looks like to show support in a tangible way. 5. “Celebrating success keeps me going.” When you reach milestones in your resolutions, celebrate with your spouse. Antonio and Sofia of New Albany, OH, don't hesitate to celebrate each other for achieving their goals throughout the year. "I resolved to paint more often. So every time I finish a new painting, Tony hangs it up, and we'll have a glass of wine, just something small. I'm on my third painting of 2022," Sofia explains. “Celebrating success keeps me going.” Keeping each other motivated with little acknowledgments and celebrations is incredibly effective. Just knowing your progress is seen and appreciated by your spouse can be enough to keep many on track to maintain their resolutions. The New Year is a time for new beginnings, and it's still early enough that you can make your resolutions happen. With a bit of effort, support, and planning, you can be one of the few couples who successfully keep them. Did these tips help? What are some other ways that spouses can support each other in keeping their New Year's resolutions? Share your thoughts in the comments below! *Names have been changed to protect client privacy.

As a married couple, taking time to make friends with other couples can be a great way to enjoy social activities together and build lasting relationships. However, finding friends outside of your spouse can be difficult. We tend to become more insular after marriage and spend most of our time with our spouses. While this is perfectly natural, married couples need to find ways to socialize with other couples if they want to enjoy a more satisfying marriage. Why Making Friends Gets Harder After Marriage When you are single, making friends is easy. You can go out to a bar or a club and meet people who share your interests. You chat for a while, exchange numbers, and maybe even meet up for drinks later in the week. But what happens when you get married? Suddenly, making friends becomes much more complicated. Married couples often spend less time socializing than single people. If you have children, it can be even harder to find time for friends because kids take priority over everything else in your life. Unfortunately, there's a kind of snowball effect once you stop participating in social activities. As you devote more time to your marriage and children, your social network slowly begins to take a backseat. As a result, your opportunity to network out through existing connections begins to dwindle. One 2015 study found that entering into a romantic relationship results in losing two or more close friendships, on average. Losing touch with two close friends is likely to leave your non-familial social circle looking pretty sparse for most adults. Another challenge is that some couples feel uncomfortable socializing without their spouse. A 2021 research initiative found that couples inadvertently restrict one another's sense of social autonomy. You tend to socialize only with mutual connections like family members when you're married. Unless you grew up in the same social circle, this might mean severing ties with most people you used to hang out with before marriage. Benefits of Making Friends With Other Couples Befriending other couples can benefit your mental health and your marital quality. In a study conducted in 2019, researchers found that marital quality and satisfaction increased when couples connected with other people who shared their interests and values. In addition, this same study concluded that meaningful friendships alleviated depressive symptoms as well. Having a rich social network outside of your marriage can help you live longer, too. A 2017 meta-analysis of research on relationships found that solid social circles promote physical and mental well-being and may offer protection during hard times. Of course, your partner can only provide so much social-emotional fulfillment on their own, so don't be afraid to lean into a wider circle of close friends to expand your circle of support. 21 Ways to Make Friends With Other Couples Whether you're looking for activities to do together or want some new friends to chat with, I've created 21 tips to help you get out there and enjoy a rich social life together. 1. Adjust your mindset. Many people are afraid to initiate conversations with new people because of a fear of rejection. Reflect on all the great things you have to offer in a friendship. If you approach new friendships with a confident, positive attitude, then you're far more likely to find success. 2. Discuss your social preferences. We all have preferences for how we want to socialize. Be thoughtful and consider how your partner prefers to socialize before making any commitments. Ask your spouse if there's a time during the week that works best for going out and what kinds of activities they would be open to trying. 3. Make time for friendships. Everyone is busy, but you have some degree of control over how you spend your time. Make sure you prioritize making friends and socializing because it won't happen on its own. 4. Say yes to social invitations. When you're invited to a social event, like a dinner party or coffee date, make sure you accept. People will eventually stop asking you places if you always decline. Social invitations are perfect for meeting new, fun, high-quality people through mutual friends. 5. Communicate thoughtfully. When making plans with other couples, there's established etiquette to follow. Be sure to include both parties in texts and emails so that no one can mistake your contact as inappropriate. 6. Get involved in your community. Volunteering is a great way to find new friends. You'll be surrounded by opportunities to meet good-natured people that share your values. Plus, you'll feel great about your contributions to society. 7. Sign up to take a class. Cooking classes or dance classes are full of other couples ready to socialize. Learning a new skill can be fun for you as a couple, and making new friends makes it even better. 8. Join a club that aligns with your interests. What do you and your partner enjoy doing together? Consider joining a book club, wine tasting club, or running group together. Clubs can be a great way to meet like-minded couples who share your passions. 9. Attend community events such as festivals or concerts in your area. Community events are a fantastic way to make new connections and enjoy the company of other couples that live near you. Don't be shy about striking up a conversation while you're waiting in line for concessions or tickets. 10. Join a sports team together. Joining a sports team is a fun, excellent way to meet new people and keep your social life active. Burn some calories, stay active, and make friends with other couples who share your lifestyle. 11. Take up a new hobby or activity together. Not only will you have fun, but you'll also have the chance to get to know other couples in your area who share your interests. For example, you could sign up for a group hike or a sip and paint. 12. Plan a weekend getaway. Sometimes, getting out of town for a few days is all it takes to open up your social circle. Flex your social muscles by chatting with other guests at your hotel. Even if you don't end up making lasting friendships, you'll feel more confident about conversing with someone new next time. 13. Go out to dinner. What's your favorite restaurant in town? Chances are there are other couples there that feel the same way. Next time you're enjoying dinner, consider heading to the restaurant bar for dessert and strike up a conversation with another couple. 14. Start a book club or discussion group. Creating a group of your own is a great way to attract potential new friends. Post on social media and invite married acquaintances or old friends to join. You might be surprised to learn who shares your interests. 15. Organize social events for couples. Why wait for invitations from other people? Take the initiative and host your own event. These can include game nights, charity events, or dinner parties. Tap into your existing connections or advertise on your social accounts. 16. Join an online forum or social media group. There are dozens of local groups that connect people with shared passions. Forums and groups are a great way to connect with other couples who share your passions. 17. Book a vacation. Vacations are extra fun when you make new friends along the way. Meeting other couples at a resort or a campground is great because you share obvious common interests and lifestyles. 18. Have a dinner party. Invite a couple you already know and ask them to invite a couple they know. Expanding your circle through existing connections you trust is an easy way to widen your circle. 19. Find friends that share your spiritual practices. Do you go to a weekly meditation class or belong to a house of worship? You're sure to find other couples there that share your core beliefs and enjoy a similar lifestyle. 20. Socialize with coworkers. You see your coworkers every day, but do you spend time getting to know them? Ask a married coworker to join you on a double date or invite them over for dinner. 21. Strike up a conversation with an old friend. Some friendships are worth reconnecting over. Reach out to a married friend you'd enjoy reconnecting with and see where things go. Married life is so much more fun when you have strong social connections. Try some of these suggestions and see what happens. Put yourself out there with positivity and confidence, and you're sure to find other couples that are just as excited to make new friends as you are. Which strategies are you excited to try? What has been your experience making friends outside of your spouse? Let me know in the comments!

Trust is important in any relationship - without it, everything falls apart over time. If you’re searching for how to build trust in a relationship, start by reflecting on what real trust looks like. Yes, building trust in a healthy relationship includes honesty and fidelity. But did you know that breaking a promise as simple as washing the dishes can damage trust in a relationship? Many small behaviors work together in establishing trust with your partner. This includes whether you stay true to your word. Even for things as small as doing a load of dishes. Everything you do in your relationship shows your partner whether they should feel secure with you. It can be very difficult (but not impossible) to rebuild trust once it's broken. So whether you’re looking to build trust in a new relationship or you’re trying to repair trust issues after a damaging incident, these tips can help. 1. Live By Your Word Let’s start with your wedding vows. When you stood at the altar and made a lifelong commitment to your spouse, you promised to be faithful. While this definitely includes maintaining physical fidelity, it also means remaining emotionally faithful. Show admiration, affection, and respect in your relationship. Allow your spouse to be the first one you turn to when you need emotional support. Another way to live by your word is to follow through with what you say you’ll do. When you make small promises, do everything you can to keep them. If you say you’re going to be home by 6 pm, make whatever sacrifices are necessary to make it happen. Sometimes things come up that prevent you from staying true to your word. Let your partner know as soon as possible whenever this is the case, and never leave them guessing why you didn’t follow through with your promise. Avoid overpromising or committing to things you aren’t sure you’ll have the ability to do. Your spouse will feel confident that they can count on you when your words match your actions. 2. Communicate Openly and Effectively Communication is the most important factor in building trust. When couples communicate effectively, they create a deeper level of mutual understanding. Truthfulness is a pillar of open and effective communication. Truthfulness includes unconditional honesty, and it also means not omitting information. Have the courage to tell your spouse when something unsavory has happened. Don’t lie or hide things from your partner as it will only damage the foundation of trust between you. Be clear, thoughtful, and purposeful about how you communicate with your partner. They will admire you for your honesty and dependability. 3. Admit When You’re Wrong Pride for its own sake has no place in a healthy marriage. Everyone messes up, makes mistakes, or speaks too soon. When you know you’re at fault for something that caused distress, acknowledge your fault, apologize, and make it right. You don’t lose anything by admitting when you’re wrong, and your spouse is likely to gain respect for you when they see you making reparations for your misdeeds. If you speak out of anger or forget to fulfill a request your partner has made, be humble about it. Defensiveness and contempt further degrade the level of trust in your relationship. Don’t let your ego get in the way of a loving, stable relationship. Trust is easily re-established when you offer your spouse the apology they deserve. 4. Offer Forgiveness, Support, and Understanding On the flip side, your partner is going to mess up at some point as well. When you feel that you’ve been wronged, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Approach your spouse from a place of compassion and understanding. Forgiveness is beneficial for the relationship, but mostly it benefits your own mental health and wellbeing. Carrying anger or resentment towards loved ones hurts you more than it hurts anyone else. Once you decide to forgive your partner, let the issue go. Don’t circle back to your spouse’s mistake once they’ve already atoned for their actions. By showing true compassion and forgiveness, your spouse knows that they can come to you for support with any problem. This greatly deepens the trust in your relationship. Another way to build trust is by showing support and understanding for your partner. When they are going through a tough time, be there for them and offer emotional support. This will show them they can rely on you during difficult times, further strengthening your bond. 5. Accept Your Partner’s Influence You and your partner will always have your differences. After all, you are each your own person with unique experiences and outlooks on the world. But if you want your romantic relationship to be trusting and harmonious, you have to see the validity in your partner’s point of view - especially when it differs from your own. We now exist in a politically divisive society in the grips of a devastating pandemic with no end in sight. It’s no surprise that couples sometimes have drastically different opinions about the world and how things ought to be. Your differences don’t have to rip your relationship apart. You can maintain your own views while also honoring the views of your spouse. Go beyond the dismissive “yes, dear” response and look for more meaningful ways to say yes to your partner. Check yourself when you find you start disagreeing with something that your spouse has to say. Practice active listening and show genuine curiosity about their point of view. It can be as simple as, “You have a good point there, tell me more about that.” You want to stay together, not win a federal court case. Keep that in mind and the level of trust between you will blossom despite your differences. Building trust is not always easy, but it's well worth the effort. By following these tips, you can create a stronger foundation of trust in your marriage. Trust is the key to any lasting relationship, so make sure to put in the work needed to build it. Do you believe trust is a problem in your marriage? Couples counseling can help. Couples counseling uses a research-based approach to improve communication and trust in your marriage. Ready to take the first step? Find out if couples counseling can improve your marriage. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation consultation. Ready to Book an Appointment?

It’s hard to communicate bad news to someone you love. Read on to learn how to bring up the idea of marriage counseling so that your partner hears you out. The truth is that healthy marriages thrive on open communication. That includes communicating about delicate topics. If you are hesitant about bringing up an issue, it’s almost always because of one simple reason. You’re afraid to bring attention to the problem. Why Partners Back Away From Tough Conversations No matter how happy they seem in public, the reality is that all married couples have problems. So what defines happy couples? They have more powerful communication habits than dissatisfied couples. There are three fears at the root of every couple that backs away from tough conversations: You’re not ready to take responsibility for your side. There are always two sides to the story. If you are unwilling to reflect on your part in the conflict, then this is likely why you're avoiding the topic. Before you worry about how to bring up marriage counseling, consider doing some deep self-reflection. You don’t want to make your partner feel upset. If there's been an increase in verbal disagreements, you want to prioritize peace. But part of being open and honest is addressing conflict as it comes up. If you’re unhappy with the relationship, you need to talk about it. You’re convinced your partner is going to disagree. At the very least, give your partner a chance to hear you out. This kind of anxious thinking is called fortune-telling. It prevents you from having healthy discussions about the conflict in your marriage. Are you ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away on its own? You’re making the relationship issues worse in the long run. The more openly you can discuss what's wrong, the more satisfying the marriage will feel. Are you ready to tackle complex topics with your partner? Here’s how to bring up marriage counseling with empathy and compassion. How To Bring Up Marriage Counseling To Your Partner Follow these six research-based steps and master the art of tough communication. 1. Clear your head. First, work out your negative feelings about the issue and set them aside. If you go into the conversation emotionally charged, the conversation will tank quickly. Be sure you’re in a neutral or positive space before approaching your partner. Mindful communication is crucial when it comes to discussing troubling topics. 2. Schedule a time to talk. Next, tell your partner you’d like to talk and suggest a time. Avoid vague phrasing such as we need to talk now or we need to talk later. Instead, make your delivery warm and detailed. For example, you might present the conversation like this: Hey, how was your day? I was hoping we could find time to talk today. How about we sit down together after dinner? 3. Clarify your end goal. You aren’t having a conversation to point out how things are going badly in your marriage. You’re having a conversation so you can propose a solution. Be sure you know what the end goal is ahead of the conversation. Once you set aside a time that works for both of you, it’s time to dive in. Here’s how to bring up marriage counseling when you and your partner are ready to talk. 4. Make an emotional connection. By establishing an emotional bond, you’re activating the trust and love that exists between you. Leading with affection helps both partners feel at ease. Consider your partner’s love language and find a way to remind them how much you care. This step is critical, so be sure not to skip it. You’re breaking down walls and creating space for open and honest conversation. If you know physical touch is meaningful to your partner, hold hands during the talk. If words of affirmation are important, begin by telling your partner something you adore about them. 5. Name the problem and offer a solution. By this step, you should shift the focus from how to bring up marriage counseling to your why. Be as direct as you can and state what’s bothering you. Be sure to use “I” statements rather than accusatory language. Balance the delivery with compassion by letting your partner know that you don’t blame them. Then, phrase your request to solve the problem positively. Suggest actionable steps to make things right and explain the benefit of taking action. What vision do you have for your relationship? What do you hope to rekindle or repair between the two of you? Let your partner know the value of your solution. Be sure to keep the conversation as on-topic as possible. If your partner steers the conversation in a different direction, listen. Then gently nudge it back towards your end goal. Accept criticism if it’s on topic. 6. Let go of the win / lose mindset. Don’t go into the conversation expecting your partner to agree right then and there. Your partner will likely have questions, and this is a good sign! Practice active listening. Take notes on what your partner needs to know before they agree. When it comes to marriage counseling, there are some common questions you can expect. How much will it cost? What happens during sessions? Is it abnormal to need couples counseling? Assure your partner that you hear their concerns and make a plan to start researching counselors in your area. After the conversation ends, you should have some next steps in place. Give your partner time to process what you discussed. Then, circle back to the topic after a day or two. Offer answers to their questions. Remember, you’re both on the same team, so be respectful of your partner’s feelings while also asserting your own. Do you believe communication is a problem in your marriage? Couples counseling can help. Couples counseling uses a research-based approach to improve communication and strengthen your marriage. Ready to take the first step? Find out if couples counseling can improve your marriage. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation consultation. Ready to Book an Appointment?