I was born into the BEST family; I'm super into my family genealogy and I'm so proud of the people in my tree! My parents, Ernie and Bunny, gave the five of us Kern kids the most amazing childhood. Bunny's people: Great Uncle Harvey, Great Aunt Evelyn, Great Aunt Virginia, and my Grandma Marion circa 1980. All beloved elders! Bunny was a badass; not only was she a great cook, seamstress, plumber, electrician, painter, teacher, singer, and coach, but she was also clever and hilarious. Ernie was kind and loving - he was a great father and the BEST girl dad. They loved each other and were BFFs, which set the five of us up for success in our adult lives. They also passed on severe anxiety and attention deficit and hyperactivity to the five of us. Mood and attention disorders like ADHD and anxiety are hardwired in our brains; genetically and through the learned behaviors of the parents we get it from. While we can't help our brain's neurospicy wiring we can build skills to help us overcome most of the challenges we face going through life with less distress tolerance. The key to all good mental health is relaxation. Relaxation: A state of calmness and freedom from tension, both physically and mentally. In our fast-paced world, feelings of anxiety and overwhelm can often sneak into our everyday lives. Whether you're managing stress from work, dealing with chronic pain, or simply trying to find a moment of peace, it is vital for your well-being. One of the most effective strategies for achieving relaxation is through guided exercises. This blog post will guide you through simple relaxation techniques that help calm both your mind and body. These exercises include mindfulness, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation, equipping you with tools to manage your emotional state and physical sensations. How Relaxing Reduces Stress The human body has two modes; keyed up or keyed down. Like all bodily functions those two modes serve a purpose. We live our best lives when we're keyed down, or calm. The calm brain efficiently distributes the body's energy through the parasympathetic nervous system . Breathing is easy, the heart rate is normal, organs are functioning well, and thoughts are focused on the present moment where reality lives. Stress and anxiety shift our brain's chemistry from calm to keyed up. The brain signals the sympathetic nervous system through our fight-or-flight mechanism called the amygdala. Learn more about the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system here . We've all experienced walking out into a parking lot at night; the sympathetic nervous system helps you stay alert and aware of your surroundings. Your amygdala releases a bit of adrenaline and cortisol and, if you don't feel safe, you get someone to walk you to your car. You get into your car and safely get home. The amygdala keeps us safe from danger. The neurospicy brain, however, has an amygdala that mimics the meanest, loudest Karen in the universe . Our brains are at risk of an amygdala hijack : " which occurs when our amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotions, overpowers our rational brain regions ." It causes our brain to key up to the degree that our Central Nervous System goes into overload and we act on in ways that make things worse for us or we head towards panic. Understanding Relaxation and Stress Reduction Relaxation techniques can significantly reduce stress by promoting both physical and mental well-being. Here are some key ways relaxation helps in alleviating stress: Physiological Changes Reduced Heart Rate: Relaxation techniques can lower the heart rate, helping the body to enter a state of calm. Lower Blood Pressure : Stress often raises blood pressure; relaxation can counteract this effect. Decreased Muscle Tension : Relaxation helps to relieve muscle tightness and tension, which are common physical responses to stress. Psychological Benefits Improved Mood : Engaging in relaxation activities can lead to the release of endorphins, improving overall mood. Enhanced Focus and Clarity : Relaxation helps clear the mind, allowing for better concentration and decision-making. Emotional Regulation : Regular relaxation practices can enhance emotional resilience, making it easier to cope with stressors. Mind-Body Connection Increased Awareness : Relaxation encourages mindfulness, which promotes awareness of thoughts and feelings without judgment. Stress Response Regulation: Techniques such as deep breathing and meditation can help regulate the body's stress response system. Long-Term Benefits Stress Management Skills : Regular practice of relaxation techniques can help individuals develop better coping strategies for managing stress. Prevention of Stress-Related Illnesses : Reducing stress through relaxation can lower the risk of stress-related health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and cardiovascular problems. Incorporating relaxation techniques into daily life can be a powerful tool for reducing stress, enhancing overall well-being, and promoting a healthier lifestyle. OK - I want to teach you how to relax! How To Relax Put everything you think you know about relaxing out of your head. I'm going to walk you through a relaxation exercise that will help you reach a state of calmness and free your body and mind from tension. Step 1: Mindfulness Check-In The first step in your relaxation journey is to recognize your current emotional and physical state. On a scale from 0 to 10, how emotionally distressed or physically tense do you feel right now? (0 equals total calm, while 10 represents full panic or overwhelming tension.) Take a moment to pause, connect with your feelings, and write your number down: Distress Rating: _____________________ This initial assessment is crucial. For instance, recent studies show that nearly 70% of adults report feeling stress in their daily lives. By identifying your distress level, you can effectively tailor your relaxation exercises. Step 2: Deep Belly Breathing Now that you’ve checked in with yourself, let’s move to deep belly breathing. This powerful technique aids in regulating your breath, slowing your heart rate, and activating your body’s relaxation response. Place one hand on your stomach. Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts—feel your hand rise as your belly expands. Exhale gently through your mouth for 6 counts—feel your belly fall as you release the breath. Repeat this process five times. As you breathe, affirm to yourself: “I am safe. I am grounded. I can slow this moment down.” Deep belly breathing can lower cortisol levels, the hormone responsible for stress, by up to 25%. Incorporating this into your daily routine can lead to significant improvements in your overall stress levels. Unfiltered photograph of Devils Lake, MI. View courtesy of Bunny & Ernie. Step 3: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Next, let’s focus on progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). This technique is especially helpful for those experiencing chronic pain or illness, enabling you to consciously release tension in your muscles. Follow these steps, holding each muscle group tight for 10 seconds before fully relaxing: Legs: Extend one leg, flex your toes toward your shin, hold → release. Repeat with the other leg. Back: Arch your lower back slightly while opening your chest → hold → release. Arms: Raise both arms straight, clench your fists, then stretch your fingers → release arms to your lap. Shoulders: Shrug your shoulders up toward your ears → hold → release → roll them forward and back. Jaw: Clench your teeth → hold → release → roll your jaw gently side to side. Neck: Drop one ear to your shoulder → breathe → repeat on the other side. Eyes: Squeeze your eyes shut tight → hold → release and let them gently close. Incorporating deep breathing between each muscle group enhances relaxation. Regular practice of PMR has been shown to decrease anxiety and improve sleep quality for many individuals. Step 4: Guided Imagery Now, let’s immerse ourselves in guided imagery. This step is about creating a serene mental space that offers solace. Picture a peaceful place: a calm beach, a tranquil mountain, or a warm, sunlight-filled room. Imagine every detail. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you smell and feel? Now imagine a warm waterfall pouring down your body, washing away tension from head to toe. Repeat to yourself: “This is my sanctuary. I can return here anytime. I am at peace.” Spending even just 2 to 5 minutes in this mental imagery can lower anxiety and boost emotional resilience, making it an excellent tool for when life feels overwhelming. Ernie and Kimmie rowing on Devils Lake circa 1976. It's my favorite place on earth. Step 5: Re-rate Your Distress Finally, it’s time for a follow-up check-in. On that same scale from 0 to 10, how emotionally or physically distressed do you feel now? Reflect and write your new number down: Distress Rating: ________________ Many people experience a noticeable decrease in their distress level after engaging in these relaxation practices, sometimes moving down by as much as 3 to 5 points. Relaxation Is A Skill - So Practice! Relaxation is not just a one-time activity but a practice that you can integrate into your daily life. The exercises we’ve explored today are powerful tools for anyone facing anxiety, ADHD, chronic pain, or illness. By engaging in mindfulness, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery, you can nurture a greater sense of calm and well-being. Embrace these techniques, and always remind yourself that you can return to your peaceful sanctuary whenever life feels overwhelming. With regular practice, calming your mind and body will become easier, revealing new levels of resilience and tranquility in your life. The view out of my front window. Being mindful is catching these moments and taking them. Give yourself the gift of relaxation and peace—you truly deserve it!

How to Manage Political Stress and Protect Your Mental Health: Better By Choice! This ain’t our grandparents’ America.  The political climate today is a pressure cooker of outrage, misinformation, and emotional burnout. It’s no wonder that so many people feel overwhelmed, anxious, and unsure of how to move forward. If you’re tired of the constant stress and division but don’t want to give up completely, you’re not alone. As of this writing is it overwhelmingly the most unsettling topic for the hundreds of clients I have seen over the last twelve months. I turned sixty in December 2024, and I never imagined I’d be fighting to hold this country together. Becoming an Ohio soldier in Civil War 2.0 definitely wasn’t on my 4th quarter Bingo card—but here we are. American patriotism runs deep in my family. I come from a long line of veterans—Union Officers, WWII soldiers, and U.S. Navy Reserves—who served this country, not for any political party, but for the principles of democracy and unity. GIVING UP ON DEMOCRACY BY STANDING BY SILENT IS NOT AN OPTION BEST GRANDPARENTS EVER! My maternal grandparents, Marion and Bill Nichols. Bill was drafted during World War II and served as Private First Class in the United States Army. He was shot twice in Germany and taken to France. My mother was home when that telegram was delivered and had a very vivid memory of it. Back in 1978, I studied American Government at Jefferson Junior High School in Toledo, Ohio. Mrs. Perkins and Mr. Folger assigned us to manage a presidential campaign for our class project. I got Andrew Jackson—and what a monster he was. I can still picture it: sitting at the circular study table in my brother’s bedroom, surrounded by The World Book Encyclopedias, stacks of National Geographics, and shelves full of history books.  My beloved and amazing parents, Ernie and Bunny, made sure we were well-read, well-informed, and never afraid to challenge authority. That’s why I’m saying this now: our elected officials on both sides have failed us . They’ve intentionally divided us, keeping us angry and distracted  while they profit off our division.  Most Americans are stuck in the loop of “This shouldn’t be happening!”  waiting for someone to save us. But the hard truth is that no one is coming to save us . We are completely on our own. If we want to reclaim our democracy, we have to face reality—we are living through a very threatening time. Bot farms keep us arguing with one another and giving the impression that we all hate each other. It's a psychological worm that's very effective in keeping us angry. SO, WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT POLITICS AND MENTAL HEALTH? We all have more control than we think! We can calm down, regulate our emotions, think clearly , and take meaningful, impactful action  that actually makes a difference. The HOW ARE YOU? Self Assessment will guide you through a series of questions that will help you take a pause and clarify where you feel strong and point to what doesn't feel right. Why This Politics and Mental Health Guide Matters in 2025 I first learned how government worked in 1978, during a civics project at Jefferson Junior High School in Toledo, Ohio. I was assigned to run Andrew Jackson’s presidential campaign—what a crash course in complexity, contradiction, and moral clarity. My parents, Ernie and Bunny, raised us to be well-informed, to respectfully challenge authority, and to never blindly follow the crowd. They filled our home with World Book Encyclopedias, National Geographics, and shelves of history books. Back then, political education was about understanding systems. Today, it’s about emotional survival. That’s why this guide exists. Because now, politics is no longer just about policy—it's personal. It’s emotional. And for many, it’s a constant source of stress, anxiety, and burnout. Mainstream media and social media are not good for our mental health In 2025, political stress  has become a mental health issue. Both parties have contributed to a toxic climate of division and distrust. Our elected officials have turned outrage into a business model, and Americans are paying the price with their emotional well-being. Bot farms flood our feeds with divisive content, leaving us feeling like we hate each other—even when we don’t. It’s psychological warfare, and it’s working. Peer-reviewed research shows that bot farms are a threat to democracy and our mental health. Click the photo for the article. What are bot farms: A bot farm is a coordinated network of automated online accounts—often controlled by a single entity—that is designed to manipulate public discourse by spreading misinformation, amplifying propaganda, or simulating fake engagement. 📚 Key Peer-Reviewed Studies on Bot Farms and Their Threat to Our Mental Health + The spread of low-credibility content by social bots Shao C, Ciampaglia GL, Varol O, Yang KC, Flammini A, Menczer F. The spread of low-credibility content by social bots. Nat Commun. 2018 Nov 20;9(1):4787. doi: 10.1038/s41467-018-06930-7. PMID: 30459415; PMCID: PMC6246561. The researchers found that social bots played a disproportionate role in amplifying low-credibility content, particularly in the early stages of dissemination, thereby manipulating public opinion. Influence on political discourse and polarization Ricciardone, S.M. Botaganda: examining how bots shape political discourse on twitter through the lens of interaction alignment. Int J Digit Humanities 6 , 263–290 (2024). The study happened after the SNC-Lavalin affair , a major Canadian political scandal involving then-Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, and found bots influenced emotionally charged language and reinforced political polarization online. Sleeper Social Bots: a new generation of AI disinformation bots are already a political threat A recent preprint on arXiv discusses the advent of "sleeper social bots," a new generation of AI-powered bots that can mimic human behavior more convincingly. These bots pose significant challenges for detection and are expected to play a substantial role in spreading disinformation during upcoming elections. Computational Propaganda and Coordinated Campaigns The Oxford Internet Institute, part of the University of Oxford, researches how online behavior shapes our social, economic, and political lives. Since 2012, a team of social and information scientists has been studying the impact of political bots on social media, particularly during international crises, where these bots are used to manipulate conversations and support governments in trouble. Measuring the Interference Effect of Bots in Disseminating Opposing Viewpoints Related to COVID-19 on Twitter Using Epidemiological Modeling This study looked at how bots on Twitter (now called X)  helped spread both real and false information  about COVID-19—especially on political topics like the “Trump vaccine” or “Biden virus.” Researchers treated the spread of information like the spread of a virus (using models similar to how we track disease outbreaks). They found that bots don't just share content—they influence the way real people talk online. The bots made it more likely that emotional, divisive language would be used by humans. This shapes how we think, what we believe, and even how we feel about each other. These studies collectively highlight the multifaceted ways in which bot farms are eroding democratic institutions by spreading misinformation, amplifying divisive content, and manipulating public discourse. 🚨 Why Politics and Mental Health is Important 7 out of 10 conversations I have with clients include a report of "doomscrolling," or the act of spending a ridiculous amount of time online. The conversations describe doom scrolling as: A compulsive behavior of continuously scrolling through negative news or social media A habit that negatively impacts mental health and sleep Something people do when procrastinating or avoiding tasks An activity that can increase anxiety, especially around political content A behavior that people are actively trying to reduce or stop Bots make it feel like everyone is arguing  when they’re not. They trick us  into believing something is popular or true when it isn’t. This kind of bot activity can increase anxiety, spread misinformation, and drive political division —which is harmful to democracy and mental health. And because bots look like real people, it's hard to spot them without special tools. This is a common theme I see in my practice, especially among Millennial women. If you’re exhausted, emotionally drained, or feeling helpless about the future of the country, you are not alone. And no one is coming to save us. That’s the hard truth. But there is something we can do. You have the power to help yourself. We can all strive to be BETTER BY CHOICE! 💡 This guide offers a step-by-step plan to: ✅ Understand how political stress hijacks your nervous system: Learn how chronic outrage, helplessness, and fear keep you locked in survival mode — and what it’s doing to your mental clarity, relationships, and emotional bandwidth. ✅ Break the doomscrolling cycle: You’ll learn practical strategies to set boundaries with your digital environment so you stop feeding the stress machine and start reclaiming your attention. ✅ Regulate before you react: Before you post, spiral, or shut down, you’ll have tools to ground yourself emotionally — because calm is not complacency. It’s power. ✅ Reconnect with your values: When the world feels chaotic, your values are your compass. We’ll help you name them, align with them, and use them to take intentional action — not reactive panic. ✅ Take meaningful, sustainable action: You don’t have to organize a protest (unless you want to). Sometimes the most radical move is taking care of your own mind so you can show up for your family, community, and causes from a place of strength. 🧭 You Are Not Helpless — But You May Be Hijacked When stress is high, the survival brain kicks in. It gets loud. It makes us feel like all we can do is freeze, scroll, panic, or rage. That’s not your fault — it’s your biology. But there are tools to help you override that loop. You can choose to respond instead of react. You can build emotional resilience — even in the middle of uncertainty. You can stay informed without being consumed. And you can absolutely protect your mental health without checking out  of your civic responsibility. 🔑 Better By Choice Means Just That You don’t have to “be okay” with what’s happening politically.But you can  choose to be regulated, grounded, and intentional in how you show up. This guide is here to remind you of your agency — and give you the tools to take it back. Political scholars say calm is the enemy of action. You can make calm the fuel for it. How Political Stress Hijacks Your Nervous System Before we can change how we respond , we need to understand what’s happening inside us when the chaos hits. ✅ Coming Up: You’ll learn how chronic political stress activates survival-mode thinking — hijacking your nervous system and leaving you stuck in anxiety, reactivity, or emotional shutdown. We’ll walk through: What happens in your brain and body during political stress Why outrage feels addictive (but burns you out) The key to emotional regulation — and why it’s your superpower This isn’t just about calming down — it’s about taking your power back.

What's in this article: What is Premarital Counseling? Navigating the Challenges of Blending Two Independent Lives What to Expect in Premarital Counseling 15 Premarital Counseling Questions How Much Is Premarital Counseling? Final Thoughts Premarital counseling can help you examine your relationship before you tie the knot. It's helpful to understand what topics might come up. We've put together a list of 15 questions to give you a sense of what you'll discuss in sessions. Start your marriage with a deeper sense of understanding by creating structure around important communication. First, let's explore what premarital counseling is and why it can be helpful. 15 Premarital Counseling Questions for you to consider! What is Premarital Counseling? Premarital counseling therapy helps couples prepare for marriage. How? Couples can address potential challenges, set realistic expectations, and develop communication skills. We achieve this through guided discussions. It's best to start at least 8 - 10 weeks before the wedding. Doing so ensures a smooth transition into married life. Studies show a considerably lower divorce rate among couples who complete premarital counseling. WHAT?! It’s a no-brainer! During counseling, couples will discuss their expectations and goals for marriage. Also, any concerns they may have about the relationship. Counseling can help couples resolve conflicts. A skilled couples counselor will carefully unzip and sort out all the “stuff.” Also, premarital counseling helps couples to develop effective communication and conflict-resolution skills. Skills that are important in helping couples navigate marriage's challenges. Preparation plays a key role in couples creating a lasting foundation to build upon. 15 Premarital Counseling Questions If you've been with your partner for a while, marriage seems like the natural next step. Yet discussing your expectations about marriage and relationships may be difficult. Here are a few examples of questions your counselor might ask: What are your expectations for marriage? Why do you want to get married? What are your views on divorce? Are there deal-breakers that would cause you to consider divorce? How will you make major decisions in the relationship? Household Expectations If you and your fiance already live together, your life won't change too much after the wedding. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to discuss household expectations and money management. Believe it or not, household issues are a common source of conflict. So it's helpful to nip these issues in the bud and reach a shared understanding before you tie the knot. Talking to your fiancé about these types of questions can help you: 6. What are your plans for money management? 7. How do you plan to divide household duties and responsibilities? 8. What are your housekeeping expectations or pet peeves? Communication Habits A healthy marriage is all about healthy communication. Communication is a learned skill that requires care, practice, and intentionality. Learning skills for effective conflict resolution is important. These types of questions will likely come up in premarital counseling: 9. How do you handle conflict in relationships? 10. What are your communication styles and love languages ? 11. Do you feel comfortable discussing sex with each other? What would make you more comfortable? Family Expectations When you get married, your family grows. You blend families, and you might even start thinking about having kids of your own if you don't already. So ensuring you're on the same page about children and parenting styles is critical. Concerns about issues related to in-laws are addressed. Here are a few sample questions to think about: 12. What are your plans for having children, if any? 13. If you’re in an interfaith marriage, how do you plan to navigate that with your kids? 14. Describe the parenting styles and philosophies in your families. What would you do differently than your parents? 15. How do you navigate your relationship with your parents? Is there any friction with your future in-laws? Blending Two Independent Lives A significant challenge a couple faces is blending two lives into a partnership. It's common for individuals to find it challenging to transition into a shared life. “Marriage is not a competition. Marriage is the completion of two souls.” ― Abhijit Naskar, Best Selling Author and Neuroscientist. I encounter couples who have not discussed important things before marriage. This lack of communication can lead to unexpected conflicts down the road. My job is to help couples identify strengths and areas for potential conflict. Let's explore some of the key areas that are particularly challenging: Finances Money matters are a top source of conflict in many marriages. Two individuals come together and have different financial goals. Open discussions about finances are crucial to ensure financial harmony in marriage. Family Dynamics Each partner brings their own family background and dynamics into the marriage. Navigating relationships with in-laws and extended family members can be complex. Couples may need to establish boundaries and communicate to address potential family-related stressors. Outside Stressors Life gives us external stressors, such as work pressures and health issues. It's important for couples to support each other during difficult times, like a team. Leisure Time Personal interests and leisure activities are part of what makes us unique. A balance between spending quality time together and respecting individual interests is important. Balance can be a delicate dance in the early stages of marriage. Household Responsibilities: Dividing household responsibilities can be a source of contention if not addressed. Couples should discuss their expectations about chores, roles, and responsibilities to prevent misunderstandings. We explore these areas using in-depth assessments and guided discussions. I foster open dialogue, active listening, and empathy-building exercises to help couples communicate. Acknowledging potential challenges helps couples create a shared vision for their marriage. Proactivity can equip couples with skills to navigate blending into a partnership. Remember, it's normal for partners to face these challenges when merging their lives. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to identify potential areas of conflict. What to Expect in Premarital Counseling Prepare with questions for premarital counseling. Learn more about my approach to Premarital Couples Counseling here! How Long Is Premarital Counseling? Premarital counseling involves a structured process aimed at preparing couples for marriage. The first four meetings focus on a comprehensive understanding of the relationship. Session 1: The "Meet and Greet" The first session serves as a "meet and greet" , allowing me, to establish rapport with the couple. I aim to create a safe space to share their history, concerns, and goals. It's a chance for the couple to get to know me and for me to ensure that I'm the right fit for their counseling needs. During this session, I observe the couple's communication patterns and dynamics. This lays the groundwork for the counseling approach and the unique needs of the couple. Session 2: Individual Exploration and Assessment The second session consists of two one-on-one sessions. I meet with each partner to learn about families of origin and communication in the family home. After, both partners complete The Gottman Relationship Checkup, a comprehensive assessment tool. The assessment delves into various aspects of the relationship: friendship intimacy emotions conflict values trust parenting housework finances, and more. The tool helps identify strengths and potential problem areas within the relationship. Session 3: Collaborative Planning and Feedback This session is a collaborative effort that focuses on the specific needs of the couple. The couple takes part in shaping the direction of their counseling journey. We set goals for later sessions and start implementing interventions. Sessions 4 - 8: Skill Development and Strengthening Sessions 4 through 8 mark a crucial phase in premarital counseling. During this time, the focus shifts to skill development and relationship strengthening. The interventions help couples talk about difficult topics in a more organized way. It helps couples understand and appreciate each other, their similarities and differences. Following a structured process prepares couples to face challenges that lie ahead. We answer "what is premarital counseling?" Did you know that you can still engage in couples counseling even if your partner doesn't? Learn more here. How Much Is Premarital Counseling? Premarital counseling is an investment in your relationship. You will gain access to evidence-based interventions that build important skills. The cost will vary based on location, counselor experience, and services offered. I will use my fee structure to shed light on what to expect when considering the cost. Fee Structure: I offer premarital counseling at a per-session fee; $180 per 50-minute session. You can learn more about how I charge my clients here. What's Included: You're not only paying for the face-to-face time with your therapist. The fee encompasses a comprehensive package of services to support your relationship journey: Face-to-Face Time You receive dedicated guidance, support, and counseling from a board-certified professional. This time allows for open and constructive discussions about your relationship. Private Text Messaging You have access to private messaging for just-in-time questions and concerns. I provide guidance outside of the scheduled sessions, enhancing your support system. Assigned Activities and Interventions I assign activities and interventions tailored to your specific needs and goals. Interventions deepen understanding, improve communication, and build a solid foundation for your marriage. Instructions and Guidance: I provide instructions on how to complete assigned activities and interventions. This ensures that you can engage in the process and derive the greatest benefit. Investing in counseling now will provide a strong base for the future. Final Thoughts I hope I answered your questions! Are there any other questions you think are important to ask? Share them with us in the comments below. We hope this blog post helped prepare you for premarital counseling . If you’re looking for a premarital counselor in Ohio, Great Lakes Counseling can help. Contact us today for a no-obligation consultation.

BONUS PUBLICATION - BLUEPRINT TO RECONCILIATION AFTER INFIDELITY In this article: Introduction No attempts to regulate intense emotions Not creating a shared and realistic reconciliation plan together Avoiding conversations about the affair Bringing others into the situation Using social media to stalk and vent Not responding to your partner's needs Allowing paranoia or jealousy rule Avoiding hard conversations because everything is "going so well" Making significant decisions Neglecting Yourself Successful Affair Recovery There are 10 common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity and I want to help you steer clear of them! There is an art to affair recovery that can make a relationship stronger. It takes time, effort, and a lot of patience. The process is often complicated by the emotional turmoil that accompanies infidelity recovery. If you're considering reconciliation with your unfaithful spouse or partner there are some common marriage reconciliation mistakes you'll want to avoid. Reconciliation after an affair is possible! 10 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes to Avoid after Infidelity You both know your relationship has been forever changed, and it's make-or-break time. Raw emotions and a lack of control will make affair recovery impossible. It's traumatic and can cause our focus to drift off of what's essential in our lives and onto unhealthy things, like obsessing about the affair partner. Few things smart more than having your heart broken. When it happens because of infidelity, there are layers of complexity added to the wound. We're human, and our emotions are hardwired into our brains. While we can't stop how we feel, we certainly have control over how we act in response to our feelings. The following are the most common marriage reconciliation mistakes that prevent couples from solving their problems. No attempts to regulate intense emotions Anger is a normal emotion hardwired into our brains. Acting out because of it will kill any hope of successful affair recovery. Now is the time to take a hard look at your emotional regulation skills. If you have a history of explosive anger, it isn't going to be easy. Physical and verbal assault will kill successful reconciliation faster than any other mistake. Passive aggressive and stonewalling behavior are also forms of hostility that will make it affair recovery hard. Each of us has control over what we say and how we behave toward our partners. If you're having difficulty resisting the urge to act out, you should seriously consider putting physical distance between you until you're able to calm down. Not creating a shared and realistic reconciliation plan together If you're affair recovery plan doesn't involve both partners sharing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas about what happened, it's likely doomed to fail. If you or your partner are averse to affair recovery counseling, you'll have difficulty addressing the root cause of the affair without the structure of an emotional affair recovery plan. More importantly, you'll miss an opportunity to turn the pain of the affair into a pillar of strength upon which to build the future. The cheating partner often finds it difficult to strike a balance between giving too much and too little information. The cheated upon may ask no questions or try to get every detail. These conundrums lead couples to toxic behavior withholding, lying, or deflection - all killers of emotional affair recovery. Affair recovery counseling will help the cheating partner take accountability in a meaningful way and strike a balance out of empathy and compassion for their partner. If you or someone you know has cheated on their partner and wants to repair the damage, check out my new ebook: Why Did I Cheat? Navigating The 3 Phases To Repair The Damage: A WORKBOOK It's $10.99! This is not a couples workbook - it's for the cheater's eyes only! The cheater needs to heal too - this book helps them do it on their terms. Real answers, no judgment. A step-by-step plan for repair - focus on what matters to both of you. Stronger communication & connection is on the other side of this. Go from Zero To Hero with a solid plan to lead the repair process and come out the other side a better and happier person. When a couple faces intense feelings together they are able to better regulate their emotions; acting out is a protest of the affair and how hurt the cheated upon feels. The cheater listening to the heartbreak of the person the hurt for understanding and support tends to diffuse the explosive behavior. Avoiding conversations about the affair An extramarital affair leaves a lot of hurt, anger, shame, and resentment in its wake - and often, all of these emotions are directed at the affair partner. In order for affair recovery to be successful, both partners need to work together to create a shared understanding of what happened. This means being honest about what led to the affair, taking responsibility for their own actions, and working together on the emotional affair recovery plan. Without this level of communication and collaboration, it's very difficult to rebuild trust and move on from an affair. People who try to avoid talking about the affair altogether think that if they don't bring it up, their partner will eventually forget about it. Not only is it nearly impossible to keep an affair a secret (especially if there are kids involved), but avoidance will only make the healing process that much harder. Sweeping the affair under the rug will only create more secrets and resentment, both of which will damage your relationship even further. Affairs are never the fault of the cheated upon and they don't happen in a vacuum. The behavior is the cheater's way of coping with an unhealthy dynamic in their life. While an affair is never acceptable it's important in affair recovery for the couple to uncover together what made the cheater to cross the line. Blame is an emotional affair recovery killer; affair recovery counseling will create a blame-free zone to ensure the toxic root is pulled forever. Bringing others into the situation A discovered affair is indeed a "situation" partners find themselves in. Going back to emotional regulation, sometimes it makes us "feel better" to tell our sisters or best friends that an affair has occurred and all the reasons why the other partner is the worst human being who ever walked the planet. Droning on to coworkers and our mother-in-law is cathartic in the short term but damaging in the long run. It's difficult to rebuild trust when one or both partners is busy trashing the relationship to anyone who will listen. Some people badmouth their partner to their friends and family. Not only is this incredibly hurtful, but it also sets a dangerous precedent for how the relationship will continue moving forward. If one person is trying to "win" and the other is trying to "lose," there's not much hope for a healthy future together. It is wrong to bring any child into the situation. It is confusing, hurtful, and puts the kid(s) in an impossible situation. For better or worse, children will see one parent as a hero and the other parent as the villain if they are brought into the affair recovery process. It's essential to be selective about who you confide in. Telling your story to too many people can make it harder to recover from an affair, making it more difficult to move on. If you need to talk about the affair, find an affair recovery counselor and get individual support. Affair recovery can include individual counseling for you and your partner. Using social media to stalk and vent I always say this to my couples - social media is the devil. Social media adds zero value to a relationship and is a slippery slope. It's way too easy for someone's boyfriend from middle school to track them down to "catch up." Before they know it, the two are convinced their backyards touching as kids were "fate" and that they should meet up. It all starts out innocent until it's not. If you want to create a trusting space between you while following through on your affair recovery plan, social media will work against you. If someone has something to hide, they will find a way to do it on social media. Venting and stalking your partner on social media is just as damaging to the relationship and creates an environment of mistrust. If you're having difficulty moving on from an affair, get rid of social media for a while - or at least put some serious boundaries around it. Not responding to your partner's needs During this difficult time, it's important to remember that your partner is also grieving and trying to come to terms with what has happened. It's natural to want to focus on your own pain and hurt, but it's crucial that you also take the time to listen to your partner and support their healing journey. Ignoring their needs will only make the affair recovery process more difficult for both of you. It's important to find a balance between taking care of yourself and focusing on the relationship. If you're feeling overwhelmed, talk to your partner about it and lean into the affair recovery plan. Allowing your partner to support you after an emotional flare-up reinforces the repair while validating strong feelings. The structure affair recovery counseling creates around communication allows the couple to connect through the conflict flareup causes. Communicate openly and honestly with each other, or take some time apart to focus on your individual healing. Whatever you do, ensure you are both on the same page and working towards the same goals. Allowing paranoia or jealousy rule Paranoia and jealousy are only natural after an affair, but they are not healthy. Obsessing your partner and their every move will increase stress, leading to racing thoughts and acting out behavior. If you're feeling paranoid or jealous, try to take a step back and assess the situation. Just because they made one mistake doesn't mean they will make the same mistake twice. Being overly possessive is not helpful and is one of the most damaging common marriage reconciliation mistakes. Putting parental controls on your internet to prevent pornography or secret trackers on search history is not a sign the relationship is moving in a healing direction. Dealing with paranoia should be part of the affair recovery plan, so everyone knows what to do when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head. An affair recovery plan teaches couples to openly discuss their feelings with their partner. Tell them why you're feeling paranoid and give them a chance to reassure you. Avoid snooping! It will only worsen if you're constantly checking up on your partner. Trust is a two-way street, so give them the same trust you expect. Turn your focus to yourself. During this challenging time, it's important to focus on your own healing and well-being. Don't try to control everything, as it will only lead to more stress. Take some time for yourself and do things that make you happy. Avoiding hard conversations because everything is "going so well" Our brain helps us remember the most emotionally important things so that we can recall the most joyous and painful things in our lives. Our emotions tell us how to respond to a situation; the brain will want to repeat joy and avoid pain. It seems counterproductive to rock the boat when it feels calm and somewhat familiar. Couples need to have hard conversations to move through the pain caused by an affair. It is not helpful or healthy to avoid talking about what happened. This will only create more distance and resentment. You need to be able to talk about what happened, why it happened, and how you can prevent it from happening again in the future. A relationship after an affair will never be the same as before, but that doesn't mean it can't be better. You can overcome anything if you're both committed to the relationship and willing to put in the hard work. Just remember to take things one day at a time, communicate openly and honestly with each other, and focus on rebuilding trust. Making significant decisions Partners who find themselves victims of infidelity often react immediately with rash decisions that will affect their future without thinking things through. These decisions are usually made in the heat of the moment and can include anything from leaving the relationship to hiring a lawyer. People often express regret for acting too quickly after an affair is discovered. It's essential to avoid making any major decisions until you've had time to calm down and think things through. Once you've had time to process what happened, you can start planning how to move forward. You'll need to decide if you're willing to forgive and forget or if you want to end the relationship. If you decide to stay in the relationship, you'll need to work on rebuilding trust. This will require time, patience, and understanding from both parties involved. If you have children, it's important to consider their needs as well. They didn't ask for this to happen and they shouldn't have to suffer because of the decisions you make. Kids should never be forced to deal with adult issues and kneejerk reactions can cause kids a great deal of turbulence. With time and patience, you'll be able to make the best decision for everyone involved. Don't neglect yourself This is a difficult time for everyone involved and it's important to give yourselves time to heal. Ensure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. These things will help reduce stress and improve your overall mood. Talking to someone who can offer impartial advice, such as a counselor, is also important. They can help you work through your emotions and determine how to best deal with the situation. If you're the cheated upon, do your best not to internalize the affair. Here is something to remember: that's on your partner, not you. You are not to blame in any way, shape, or form. Don't waste your emotional energy on taking any blame. If you're the cheater, this is your chance to be a better person. Both of you must take time to independently reflect on how you can grow to become the best version of yourself through a painful time. What that means is that you don't slip into the victim mentality and let your guard down in front of the kids, or make backhanded comments, or turn into a person you swore you'd never be. Take your focus off of the affair partner and focus on you. Bring your best self to the affair recovery process by taking time out for yourself. Walk regularly, take bubble baths, go golfing, read books. This is a time for you to hit the reset button and reconnect with who you are and what you want out of life. Successful Affair Recovery An affair can be a devastating experience, but it doesn't have to end your relationship. If you're willing to work through the pain and rebuild trust, you can come out of this stronger than ever. Just remember to take things one day at a time, communicate openly and honestly with each other, and focus on rebuilding trust. And don't forget to take care of yourselves during this difficult time. Set yourselves up for success. Emotions are intense - anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, shame. These are the most common marriage reconciliation mistakes and will derail progress and make it harder to forgive. If you are determined to save your relationship, talk to a couples counselor to find out what an affair recovery plan may look like for you. Back to Part 1: Blueprint to Reconciling After Infidelity Back to Part 2: Reconciliation After Infidelity Back to Part 3: Affair Recovery for Partners A and B

UPDATED - February 2025 NEW IN THIS ARTICLE: Blueprint to reconciling after infidelity Exploring the three paths forward When a spouse breaks their marriage vows, there are two possible outcomes. If you decide to save your marriage, it’s important to know what you’re signing up for. Surviving infidelity is a complex process. In addition to moving past the pain of cheating, you must also consider the problems you had before the affair began. Reconciling a marriage is a difficult journey. I want to share my honest experience with helping couples survive infidelity to help you make the right decision. Surviving Infidelity Means Deciding Whether to Reconcile Reconciling a marriage takes enormous effort from both the offender (cheater) and the victim (the spouse who was cheated on). The first step to surviving infidelity is to decide if it’s worth it. Here are five questions to consider as you contemplate marriage restoration. 1. Is your marriage physically safe? This one is a dealbreaker 100% of the time. If your spouse is abusive towards you or anyone else in the household, it’s time to get out. That goes for both the offender and the victim of infidelity. 2. Has the offender ended the affair? Your marriage only has a chance to heal if the infidelity is over. If the offending spouse expresses remorse and takes responsibility, there is hope. In a 2014 study conducted by The University of Washington, researchers found honesty led to lower divorce rates. Couples divorced only 43% of the time when the offender came clean, compared to 80% when infidelity remained a secret. Taking responsibility is a huge step towards making things work. Also, is this the first time the offender has cheated? A serial cheater is a much different story than a one-time affair. If there's previous physical and emotional cheating, chances you can heal broken trust diminish. Reconciling is more likely if it's the first time the offender has strayed. 3. How did you feel before the affair? Every marriage has its conflicts. If you felt unsupported throughout the relationship, it may not be worth the trouble of surviving betrayal. But if you recall enough high points together, you have a good chance of saving the marriage. 4. Do you have kids? This one depends on how to provide the best quality of life for the kids. Divorce is traumatic for children. It can have unintended consequences on their mental and emotional well-being. But, things are different if you believe your children would be physically and emotionally safer away from your spouse. In this case, don’t feel pressured to stay together for the kids. 5. Do you both want to fix things? This question takes time to answer, so it’s best not to rush it. After discovering that an affair, the victim feels overwhelming anger and pain. Thus, it’s helpful to take some space when infidelity first comes to light to best answer this question. Need your cheating partner to lead you through the repair process? I've written a workbook to help the cheater find truth, integrity, and empathy to repair the damage caused by an affair. Get 50% off the price of $10.99 until August 1st! Use code REPAIRHELP at checkout! Blueprint to reconciling after infidelity It's a question that has been asked for centuries - is reconciliation after infidelity possible? Can a couple move on from an affair and build a stronger relationship than ever? Or is the damage too significant, and does the relationship inevitably come to an end? There are no easy answers, but here we will explore the blueprint to reconciling after cheating. If you're here and reading this, you're likely the cheater or the cheated upon. This is a no-blame zone, so I hope you'll stay and learn. I don't condone affairs, and I know from my work that infidelity is a coping mechanism; it's easier and more fun than whatever happens at home. Affairs aren't always indications that the cheater is unhappy at home. One thing is for sure - affairs are devastating to a relationship and can end in divorce or breakup. Some couples do manage to reconcile after infidelity and come out stronger than ever before. This is often thanks to a lot of hard work to drastically improve communication to get to forgiveness. If both partners are willing to put in the effort, it is possible to rebuild trust and create a stronger foundation for Relationship 2.0. This post will consider common marriage reconciliation mistakes and how to avoid them. However, the reconciliation process is not always possible or advisable. In some cases, the damage is too significant to overcome. If your union wasn't strong before the affair started, the foundation might be too unstable to withstand the weight of the repair process. It can be challenging to forgive. If there is no longer any trust or respect left in the relationship, it may be best to end things rather than try to patch things up. Another space couples find themselves in is uncertainty about whether one or both partners want to repair. Or, perhaps Partner A wants to repair, and Partner B is "leaning out," meaning they aren't sure what they want to do or are thinking about leaving. One or both partner is not ready to move in either direction, and the relationship is in limbo; a relationship in this state can cause high conflict between the partners. The Three Paths Forward It's important to take action and move in a direction for both partners post-affair discovery. Time is not a friend to partners who go on not addressing the question - what do we do now? The sooner partners start communicating about what comes next, the greater the chances of keeping the conflict as calm as possible, whatever path is taken. Mistake! Couples who enter into couples counseling before deciding which path are at greater risk of repair failure than couples who explore the three paths of the blueprint to reconciliation after infidelity. Let's explore them. Path 1: Keep things status quo Some couples decide not to do anything about the state of the relationship for various reasons: minor children, financial ties, health issues, health insurance, etc. Couples who take Path 1 don't address the big question - why did this happen? Sure, they may talk about it and even fight. However, every affair is rooted in a relational issue between the committed partners, which is not fully explored. While affairs are never ok, couples on this path don't have a high success rate of taking the painful rupture of an affair and evolving it into an opportunity to learn and grow together. Instead, this relationship sweeps it under the carpet, puts it away, or uses it as a weapon for other issues. Couples who take this path tend to value familiarity over fulfillment. Path 2: Divorce or Breakup Some couples know that an affair, whether short or long, is the straw that breaks the camel's back, and its discovery propels them down the path of divorce or breakup. Couples in this state risk high conflict and volatility and often communicate in an inauthentic way; words and behaviors reflect retaliation and anger versus deeper feelings and needs. Not every divorce is volatile, and many couples regret taking action toward separation before processing their thoughts and feelings about the affair, the partner, and what they wanted and needed for their life. But, unfortunately, regret can be a bitter pill to swallow. Some couples realize that the relationship isn't healthy and decide to end it. However, divorce could be the best outcome if the couple's foundation isn't healthy or even toxic. Path 3: Reconciliation after infidelity The third path is often seen as a weakness or a flaw; nothing could be farther from the truth. An affair reflects a relational issue between the partners, and the cheater chooses this destructive coping mechanism. Partners who cheat report it's easier to live in a fantasy land with an affair partner than to deal with whatever happens in the home. Affairs come in all different shapes and sizes: Inappropriate electronic interactions with a person outside of the relationship An emotional connection with another person outside the scope of a typical friendship A physical connection with or without emotions. A combination of all of the above The couple starts by discussing the affair - what was it? What was the cheater's path from commitment to their partner to the affair? What was the relational experience between the committed partners at the time of the affair? Mistake! The blame game will KILL COMMUNICATION! Both partners must commit to speaking their truth and not focus on the other partner! If you can't do it on your own, get help! Couples who create a structure around their communication and the repair can forgive, a process that significantly benefits the person who has been hurt. It is often misunderstood to mean the forgiver is condoning the behavior of the cheater and the ripple effect it causes—quite the contrary. Forgiveness allows the hurt partner to accept what has happened and let go of the feeling of betrayal. Someone who forgives is at peace within their own space. If you struggle to decide what to do, I encourage you to seek counseling. A professional can help you and your partner explore your options and make the best decision for your relationship. If you're considering Path 3, reconciling after cheating, there is important information for you to know so you set your repair up for success. Couples counseling guides the process. Relationship advice from friends, family, and independent research is helpful. However, professional guidance is crucial. If you are committed to surviving infidelity, the sooner you get into couples counseling, the better. Couples counseling uses several research-based approaches. Over time, your counselor helps steer the relationship back to a foundation of trust and love. If you’re curious about what this might look like, you can read more about the Gottman Method of Reviving Trust After an Affair. This is a tool that I like to use during affair recovery sessions. Take the next step. Take advantage of our free consultations to find out if it’s the right option for you. Ready to book an appointment? Click the button below to schedule your virtual session today.

Fear Mongering - A Wake-Up Call For Americans in 2025 This Isn’t Just Politics. It’s a Threat to Your Mental and Physical Health America is not fine. In 2025, the President of the United States has deployed troops to Los Angeles in direct conflict with the authority of the Governor. It feels like something out of a dystopian novel—or a history book on authoritarian regimes. This strategy is called Fear Mongering  : the deliberate use of fear to influence public perception or behavior—typically by exaggerating dangers, presenting worst-case scenarios as inevitable, or using emotionally charged language to provoke anxiety or panic. But this isn’t fiction. It’s now. If you’re feeling anxious, frozen, furious, or detached, you are not overreacting . You are reacting to real systemic instability driven by the fuel of political anxiety: fear mongering. Fear Mongering : the deliberate use of fear to influence public perception or behavior—typically by exaggerating dangers, presenting worst-case scenarios as inevitable, or using emotionally charged language to provoke anxiety or panic. But here’s the challenge: 👉 Is your emotional response helping you think clearly—or is it fueling more fear? As a mental health professional, I’m trained to stay neutral. LET ME BE CLEAR: Neutrality doesn’t mean silence in the face of psychological manipulation. It means naming reality  without becoming emotionally hijacked by it. It means protecting truth, not taking sides. I'm ethically bound by my license as well as my DNA to promote wellness and we can only be well in truth and reality! This article draws on two books: On Tyranny by Timothy Snyder and the innovation principles of Blue Ocean Strategy —tools to help you step out of rage loops and into a clear, empowered mindset. This isn’t left versus right! This is mental health versus emotional warfare . We are suffering from POLITICAL ANXIETY I'm addressing the topic of political anxiety because it has consistently been a prevalent source of emotional dysregulation in over 70% of my sessions over the last two years. Clients are experiencing high political stress at work, with older parents and family members, and with friends and neighbors. It affects how people connect to each other, and it's literally killing us. This is about your autonomy , your clarity , and your right to choose how you show up . In this article: The Hidden Cost of Political Anxiety - What It's Doing To Your Body and Mind Understanding the Fear Mongering Strategy How Chronic Political Anxiety Hijacks Your Nervous System Why Outrage Feels Good—But Burns You Out How Emotional Regulation Becomes A Tool For Both Mental Health and Civic Power The Better By Choice Strategy - the Antidote for Political Anxiety This isn’t about calming down—it’s about taking your power back . The Hidden Cost of Political Anxiety — What It’s Doing To Your Body and Mind What Happens When Your Nervous System Goes Into Survival Mode Our bodies know something is wrong. Political stress isn’t “just in your head.” It’s in your jaw, your sleep cycle, your digestion, your breath. Constant exposure to outrage and instability sends your brain into survival mode: Fight:  You argue, post, rage. 👋🏼 This was me for a long time - that's a post for another day. Flight:  You avoid the news altogether. 🙈 This is where I went to after rage posting. Freeze:  You doomscroll and feel paralyzed to act. 🤳🏻 We can't afford to be here anymore! This is emotional hijacking. When your amygdala is in charge, your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that thinks critically—goes offline. 🧠 💥 The Body Keeps the Score.  You’re not weak. You’re experiencing political anxiety Why Outrage Feels Addictive—But Leaves You Depleted Social media exploits your nervous system. Outrage triggers dopamine. Dopamine feels good… until it doesn’t. Over time, this leads to: Anxiety Insomnia Burnout Cynicism The system is designed to keep you reactive. When I watch the news I can feel my chest tighten and a pit form in my gut. That's not good, and I turn it off and walk outside into the yard to pay attention to things that matter to me. Bot farms, conspiracy bait, algorithmic echo chambers—this is not a debate. It’s psychological warfare. 🧠 On Tyranny, Lesson #10:   Believe in truth.  Outrage is not truth. Outrage is a tool of manipulation. Understanding The Fear Mongering Strategy: The Birth Of The Outrage Farmers In the social media era, a new breed of political pundit has emerged—figures who brand themselves as commentators, analysts, or strategists without any formal experience or credentials in politics, governance, or policy. These individuals often build large followings on platforms like YouTube, TikTok, or X by producing emotionally charged, hyper-partisan content designed to maximize engagement and outrage. They present themselves as experts, but their authority is based on confidence and repetition rather than education or field experience. The content of the political pundit typically relies on surface-level polling interpretations, speculative predictions, and culture war narratives that validate their audience’s biases. The business model is built on monetizing attention through ad revenue, affiliate links, and crowdfunding—not on delivering informed analysis or contributing to public understanding. While traditional political commentators were often vetted by institutions or grounded in real-world experience, these influencers operate outside such structures, shaping public opinion in echo chambers that reward sensationalism over accuracy. They are particularly effective at branding themselves as anti-establishment truth-tellers, undermining trust in journalism, academia, and public institutions. On both the left and right—but especially within right-wing media ecosystems—this shift has blurred the line between informed commentary and ideological entertainment. The result is a political discourse flooded with noise, where expertise is replaced by virality, and public perception is shaped not by credibility, but by whoever can deliver the most compelling outrage. Here are a couple of great examples: Red Eagle Politics is a right leaning outrage farm run by 25 year old Jack Francis. Using parroting language of our leaders (unlike those we've ever seen before) and calling for violent escalation doesn't benefit any American. This is the garbage we have to start recognizing as OUTRAGE versus TRUTH. This is the X account of Jack Francis, a 25 year old outrage manufacturer with over 100,000 followers. He touts himself as a child political prodigy claiming that by the age of 10 he could call elections. I come from the HR world so I did a background check on his credentials. Jack launched the Red Eagle Politics YouTube channel at age 19, while still a student, initially posting an election prediction video in February 2019 that went viral with over 100,000 views. He claims to be a political commentator, a political analyst, and a political strategist. It is confirmed he is a "political commentator" with his YouTube channel and related content. It is confirmed that he is an amateur political analyst; a partisan outrage farm versus an independent political analyst. It is largely unsubstantiated that he's a political strategist; Why do people like Francis peddle outrage? Here is what I learned. This interview was from The Texas Observer, dated September 20, 2022, from an article titled, "To Build A Theocracy," by James Dobbins: "Jack Francis, 22, creator of the Red Eagle Politics channel on YouTube, which boasts 143,000 subscribers, told me he learned of the Texas Youth Summit from a friend who saw a posting on Instagram. He came to meet like-minded conservatives. Francis posted his first video titled “WHY TRUMP WILL WIN!” in February 2019. It went viral, attracting more than 100,000 views. “I wanted my channel to grow, but I didn’t know it would blow up,” he said. “I knew I could do it as a career in 2020.”  Francis graduated from college in the spring with a degree in political science. Last month, Francis said he earned about $19,000 from his videos. He said he expects revenue to increase as the midterm elections in November approach before falling off. “It will grow larger before 2024,” he said. " If I had Jack's resume in front of me with his professional claims I would say he has misrepresented himself as a POLITICAL EXPERT - which he's not. I wouldn't hire Jack because he lacks the experience to call himself any kind of a political expert. He's making money off of your outrage if you lean right. Political experts don't incite violence - HELLO. Now, I don't want to give the impression that I'm picking on Jack. There are progressive "political analysts" who are equally fueling the outrage farms on social media. This hate-fueled outrage farmer's name is Hasan Piker. He represents a broader phenomenon: a Millennial left-wing commentator who has achieved celebrity-level reach through livestreaming. Hasan Piker (born 1991), known online as “HasanAbi,”   is a Turkish-American progressive pundit who streams daily political content on Twitch and YouTube. After starting as a contributor on The Young Turks   network, Piker struck out on his own in 2019 and quickly became “one of the most prominent leftist political commentators”  on Twitch. As of 2024, he boasts over 2.7 million Twitch followers  and about 1.4 million YouTube subscribers . That's a LOT of folks he's influenced to feel outrage. Hasan Piker is a left-wing progressive with millions of followers. The FREE PALESTINE movement has fueled outrage to the degree that supporters fight the police and vandalize property. How Chronic Political Anxiety Hijacks Your Nervous System Chronic political anxiety refers to the persistent and overwhelming feelings of worry and fear related to political events, policies, or societal changes. This type of anxiety can significantly impact an individual's mental and physical health. The Nervous System and Its Response The nervous system is divided into two main parts: the central nervous system (CNS) and the peripheral nervous system (PNS). The PNS is further divided into the somatic and autonomic nervous systems. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) controls involuntary bodily functions and is divided into the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. How Chronic Political Anxiety Affects the Nervous System Activation of the Sympathetic Nervous System: Chronic political anxiety can trigger the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the "fight or flight" response. This leads to physiological changes such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and heightened alertness. Release of Stress Hormones: The body releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in response to anxiety. Prolonged exposure to these hormones can lead to various health issues, including weakened immune function and increased risk of chronic diseases. Hyperarousal: Individuals may experience hyperarousal, characterized by an exaggerated startle response, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. This state can make it challenging to engage in daily activities and maintain relationships. Impact on the Parasympathetic Nervous System : Chronic anxiety can inhibit the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation and recovery. This imbalance can lead to persistent feelings of tension and stress. Long-term Consequences Mental Health Issues : Chronic political anxiety can contribute to the development of mental health disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). - Physical Health Problems : Long-term activation of the stress response can lead to cardiovascular issues, gastrointestinal problems, and chronic pain conditions. - Cognitive Impairment : Prolonged anxiety can affect cognitive functions, including memory, attention, and decision-making abilities. Chronic political anxiety can hijack the nervous system by perpetually activating the body's stress response, leading to a range of mental and physical health issues. Understanding this relationship is crucial for developing effective coping strategies and promoting overall well-being. The antidote for political anxiety is regulation. Emotional Regulation Is a Political Strategy Just like outrage is a political strategy, so is Emotional Regulation. And I'm here to teach every American how to use it to take meaningful political action. Emotional regulation is a power move. It lets you: Respond instead of react Think critically in high-conflict situations Take meaningful action without burning out As a clinician, I say this with clarity: Emotional regulation is now a civic skill , not just a therapy tool. BETTER BY CHOICE: A Mental Health Strategy for Democracy BETTER BY CHOICE   is your new framework for staying grounded and effective in chaotic times. Instead of spiraling into confusion and outrage from hyper-masculine manchildren, this strategy helps you reclaim your nervous system, sharpen your focus, and act with purpose. 🔷 The 4 BETTER BY CHOICE Skills: 🕵️‍♀️ Crisis Clarity See facts clearly and assess risk without panic. 🛡️ Mood Armor Protect your nervous system from outrage triggers. ⚒️ Bridge Builder Tactics Communicate across echo chambers with skill. 🔍 Truth Lens Spot disinformation quickly and center yourself on verified facts. Each is based on DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and adapted for the realities of modern political stress. This Is the Time to Wake Up You already know something is wrong. Now you have the tools to act with intention. 🧨 On Tyranny, Lesson #17:   “Listen for dangerous words.” Words like “traitor,” “enemy of the state,” “fake news,” and “patriot” are being weaponized . This isn’t just divisive rhetoric—it’s psychological grooming toward extremism. 🧭 Better By Choice Strategy says:   Don’t compete in the Red Ocean of outrage. Create a new emotional lane.  Lead with grounded clarity, not fear-based reactivity. What You Can Do Today ✔ Regulate first, then act. Your nervous system is your first battlefield. Use breath, grounding, and Wise Mind check-ins. ✔ Set boundaries. Create a media plan. Unfollow the chaos loop. Don’t let the crisis live in your pocket. ✔ Engage locally. Democracy is strongest at the community level. Show up. Speak up. Volunteer. ✔ Protect truth. Share verified content. Be the source others can trust. ✔ Be the calm. Outrage is contagious—but so is composure. Your clarity could literally save lives. 💥 Start to reclaim your focus and your freedom in two steps: Step 1: Take the Political Anxiety Self-Check to see how political anxiety is affecting you. Step 2: Download the Resilience Tracker and start focusing on YOU. 👇🏼 Download Below 🧭 You Can’t Heal in a Constant State of Alarm Political anxiety isn’t weakness — it’s a completely human response to living in a world that often feels unsafe, unjust, and out of your control. But staying in a chronic state of emotional chaos isn’t sustainable. It drains your focus, hijacks your body, and steals your clarity. The goal of Better By Choice isn’t to make you apathetic. It’s to help you stop reacting and start responding — from a place of groundedness, clarity, and personal power. You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to stop feeding the fear machine and start choosing how you want to show up in your life — and your world. ➡️ Next Up: On Tyranny  Meets Better By Choice In the next article, we’ll take the 20 lessons from Timothy Snyder’s On Tyranny  and apply them directly to the Better By Choice strategy  — a trauma-informed, nervous-system-savvy method for building mental resilience and taking meaningful action  without burning out. You’ll learn: How to stop fighting reality and start working with it How to disrupt fear-based thinking and emotional manipulation How to live your values even when the world feels upside-down Because the truth is:You can’t control the world. But you can control your response to it. And that changes everything. 📜 20 Lessons from On Tyranny by Timothy Snyder Do not obey in advance. Authoritarians rely on voluntary compliance. Pause. Question. Choose. Defend institutions. Democracies die when people stop believing in the systems that protect rights. Beware the one-party state. When one party controls everything, democracy is already on life support. Take responsibility for the face of the world. Symbols, slogans, and norms matter. Speak up when something feels wrong. Remember professional ethics. If you're in law, media, medicine, education — hold the line. Your integrity protects others. Be wary of paramilitaries. When private groups enforce political agendas, rule of law is at risk. Be reflective if you must be armed. Police and military must serve democracy — not political power. Stand out. Tyranny thrives on silence. Be the one who speaks first. Be kind to our language. Use clear, honest words. Don’t let propaganda define the conversation. Believe in truth. Without shared facts, democracy collapses. Resist cynicism and lies. Investigate. Follow the facts, not just the feeds. Support real journalism. Make eye contact and small talk. Human connection builds community. Isolation breeds fear. Practice corporeal politics. Show up in person. March, meet, volunteer. Democracy is lived physically. Establish a private life. Protect your privacy. Digital overexposure makes you vulnerable. Contribute to good causes. Support institutions and people who fight for democracy. Learn from peers in other countries. Authoritarianism is global. So is resistance. Listen for dangerous words. “Terrorism,” “extremism,” or “emergency” can justify repression. Pay attention. Be calm when the unthinkable arrives. Crises are used to consolidate power. Stay grounded. Think clearly. Be a patriot. Love your country by defending its values — not its rulers. Be as courageous as you can. There’s no substitute for moral bravery. Others will follow your example.

Life as a mother can often feel overwhelming. My kid is 34; but I never stop being a mom! It was just her and me, and since I'm a cusper (on the cusp of being a Boomer and a GenXer) I'm a helicopter mom. I still feel her feelings! Juggling a full-time job, children, and household responsibilities requires an incredible amount of focus and balance. Mindfulness can be an effective tool for managing stress and bringing clarity to your daily routine. What is mindfulness? Before I became a therapist I thought mindfulness was the same as meditating. I'm a severe ADHD/anxiety neurodivergent so I thought it didn't work for me, therefore I never really tried to stick with it. Boy am I glad I figured that out! Being MINDFUL - in the present moment where I have all the power - changed my life in powerful ways. It's where hard things are dealt with, joy is experienced and felt, and memories are made. By paying attention to the present moment, you can develop skills that help ease the intensity of stress. In this post, we’ll explore several mindful practices designed specifically for busy mothers. MINDFULNESS: The practice of bringing your focus to the present moment. The goal is to keep it there for an extended period of time. The Importance of Mindfulness in Everyday Life Mindfulness is the art of being completely present in the moment. It involves focusing your attention on what is happening right now, rather than getting lost in thoughts about the past or future. This is particularly crucial for mothers who often find their minds racing with to-do lists and worries. Research shows that practicing mindfulness can lead to reduced stress, better emotional regulation, and improved overall well-being. Practicing mindfulness doesn't require extensive time commitments or complicated rituals. Instead, it involves simple exercises that you can incorporate into your daily life. The key message is to redirect your focus, allowing you to engage in the moment and find peace. With awareness, you can transform mundane experiences into moments of calm. Understanding Stress and Its Effects on Women's Bodies Stress can have profound effects on the body, particularly for women, who may experience unique physiological and psychological responses. Here are some key ways stress impacts women: Hormonal Changes Stress triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline, hormones that prepare the body for a fight-or-flight response. In women, chronic stress can lead to: Irregular menstrual cycles Increased PMS symptoms Exacerbation of menopause symptoms Mental Health Effects Women are more likely to experience anxiety and depression as a result of prolonged stress. This can manifest in: Increased feelings of sadness or hopelessness Difficulty concentrating Sleep disturbances Physical Health Consequences Chronic stress can lead to various health issues, including: Cardiovascular problems, such as high blood pressure Digestive issues, including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) Weakened immune response Impact on Reproductive Health Stress can significantly affect women's reproductive health, leading to: Reduced fertility Higher risk of pregnancy complications Increased likelihood of postpartum depression Coping Mechanisms Women may adopt various coping strategies to manage stress, which can be both positive and negative: Engaging in physical activity, such as yoga or walking Practicing mindfulness and meditation Resorting to unhealthy habits, such as overeating or substance use The Connection Between the Central Nervous System and Stress The central nervous system (CNS), which includes the brain and spinal cord, plays a pivotal role in how we perceive and respond to stress and anxiety. While we have some control over our CNS, the effects of stress can lead to a cascade of physiological responses that negatively impact our bodies. Understanding this connection is vital for managing stress effectively. How Stress Affects the Body Stress triggers the body's "fight or flight" response, activating the sympathetic nervous system. This response leads to the release of stress hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline, which can have various negative effects on our physical health, including: Increased heart rate and blood pressure Weakened immune system Digestive issues Muscle tension and pain Sleep disturbances Calming the Central Nervous System Fortunately, there are several strategies to calm the central nervous system and reduce stress levels. Here are some effective methods: Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help ground you in the present moment, reducing anxiety and promoting relaxation. Deep Breathing Exercises: Focusing on deep, slow breaths can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, counteracting stress responses. Regular Physical Activity: Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce stress levels. Healthy Nutrition: A balanced diet supports overall health and can help mitigate the physical effects of stress. Social Support: Connecting with friends and family can provide emotional support, reducing feelings of isolation and stress. Understanding the link between the central nervous system and stress is essential for managing its effects on our bodies. By focusing on calming techniques and lifestyle changes, we can take proactive steps to reduce stress levels and promote overall well-being. Addressing stress not only enhances our mental health but also supports our physical health, leading to a more balanced life. This article will teach you ways you can be mindful every day and lower the intensity of the stress you feel. Are you ready to change? Simple Mindfulness Practices to Reduce Daily Stress Box Breathing : One of the easiest ways to manage immediate stress is through Box Breathing. It’s simple and can be done anywhere. Inhale deeply for 4 seconds, hold your breath for another 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold your breath again for 4 seconds. Repeat this cycle four times. This technique helps calm your nervous system and improve concentration. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding : This exercise helps you connect with your surroundings. Start by naming 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 sounds you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This practice pulls you into the present moment and distracts your mind from stressors. Body Scan Check-In : Take a few minutes to focus your attention on different parts of your body, starting from your head and moving down to your toes. Notice where you feel tension and consciously relax those areas. This practice increases bodily awareness and helps relieve physical stress. Our environment reflects our stress levels. Creating a calm environment can enhance your mindfulness practice. Name What You Feel (Emotion Labeling) : Simply naming your emotions can help deactivate your body’s threat response. Silently say things like “This is anxiety” or “I notice frustration.” Acknowledging your emotions allows you to address them instead of being overwhelmed by them. Use The Feelings Wheel to label your emotions. Breath Anchoring : Focus entirely on your breath. Notice how it feels as you inhale through your nose, fill your belly, and then exhale. This technique can help ground you and create a sense of calm amidst chaos. Watch a Breath Anchoring instruction video here . Willing Hands + Half-Smile : When sitting, place your palms open on your lap, while gently curving your mouth into a relaxed half-smile. This practice promotes openness and a positive mindset, signaling to your brain that you are at ease. Learn more about Willing Hands + Half Smile and how they help. Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Routines Every day presents opportunities to practice mindfulness. Here are several ways to weave mindful moments into your busy schedule: Hand-to-Heart Touch : Place one or both hands over your chest, and take deep breaths. Feel the warmth and rhythm of your heart. This exercise promotes self-soothing and connection with yourself, especially during stressful times. One-Minute Sensory Pause : Choose one of your five senses and focus on it for 60 seconds. It could be visually observing the colors in your surroundings or listening intently to ambient sounds. This practice can heighten your awareness and bring you back to the present. Name Your Anchor Phrase : Develop a calming phrase like “I am here now” or “Nothing to fix, just to feel.” Repeat this phrase during overwhelming moments. It serves as a mantra that can ground you. Engage One Object Mindfully : Pick an everyday object, such as a pen or a cup. Examine it closely, noting its temperature, texture, shape, and weight. Channeling your energy into appreciating one object can serve as a quick escape from stress. Building a Mindfulness Habit Creating a habit around mindfulness requires practice and commitment. Start small and set realistic goals for yourself. Here are some suggestions: Set Reminders : Use your phone or sticky notes to remind yourself to take mindful pauses throughout the day. A soft alarm can signal a moment to breathe or practice grounding techniques. Mindful Mornings : Begin your day with a short mindfulness routine. Even just five minutes of breathing or a mindful walk can set a positive tone for the day ahead. Create a Mindfulness Journal : Write down your thoughts and feelings after practicing any of the techniques. This can help you track your progress and see how mindfulness positively impacts your life. Involve Your Family : Teach simple mindfulness practices to your kids. Not only will it benefit them, but it can also create a positive family atmosphere where everyone feels supported. Through these simple practices, you can cultivate a more mindful approach to daily stress. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. Each moment spent practicing mindfulness brings you closer to reducing stress and increasing your overall happiness. Moving Forward with Mindful Practices As we wrap up this exploration into mindfulness, remember that these skills can empower you to take control of your stress. With a little practice, you can shift your focus to the present moment and engage in activities that build a sense of calm and clarity amidst the chaos of motherhood. The journey of motherhood is filled with ups and downs. By incorporating these mindful practices into your daily life, you can foster resilience and live more fully in the moment. Start small, and you will find that the calm you seek is just a breath away. Your well-being is essential, not just for you, but for your family. So take charge of your stress today - as L'Oreal tells us on the reg - "You're worth it!" Frequently Asked Questions About Mindfulness How can I practice mindfulness? You can practice mindfulness through various techniques, including: Meditation: Setting aside time to focus on your breath or a particular thought. Mindful breathing: Paying attention to your breath as you inhale and exhale. Body scan: Observing sensations in different parts of your body. Mindful eating: Savoring each bite of food and being aware of the eating process. Walking meditation: Focusing on the experience of walking and the sensations in your body. What are the benefits of mindfulness? Mindfulness has numerous benefits, including: Reduced stress and anxiety Improved focus and concentration Enhanced emotional regulation Better relationships Increased self-awareness Improved overall well-being It changed my life - seriously. These skills work! How long should I practice mindfulness each day? Even a few minutes of mindfulness practice each day can be beneficial. Many people start with 5-10 minutes and gradually increase the duration as they become more comfortable with the practice. Do I need to sit in silence to practice mindfulness? No, mindfulness can be practiced in various settings and activities. While sitting in silence is one way to practice, you can also incorporate mindfulness into daily activities like walking, eating, or even washing dishes. Can mindfulness be practiced by anyone? Yes, mindfulness can be practiced by anyone, regardless of age or background. It is a skill that can be developed over time with consistent practice. This would be a great exercise to practice with your kids! What if I find it difficult to focus during mindfulness practice? Yes, there are many resources available, including: Books on mindfulness and meditation Online courses and workshops - coming soon to GLCG! Mobile apps designed for mindfulness practice Local meditation groups or classes It's common to experience difficulty in focusing during mindfulness practice. When your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath or the present moment without judgment. With regular practice, your ability to focus will improve.

Unlocking your phone should free you from carriers. But when your attention is unlocked to endless doomscrolling, it becomes a neurological prison. Here’s how to check—and heal. How To Tell If My Phone Is Unlocked The Literal Answer (But Not the One You Need) Since I hijacked this very popular longtail keyword and I need all the help I can get waking up Americans so that we can figure out how to unite and heal - together. I'll put the answer at the end - but please read through this because chances are you're engaged in the culture wars on social media. This will help you put your phone away and stop buying into the OUTRAGE FARMS. OUTRAGE OUTBURSTS ARE NOT TRUTH! For example, am I outraged that a United States Senator was thrown to the floor, cuffed, and stuffed by the Federal Government in the state he was elected to represent? Fuck yes I am. I DON'T CARE WHAT SIDE OF THE AISLE THIS HAPPENS ON - I AM NOT OK WITH THAT! If you want to read more about my political anxiety I share it in the next few paragraphs. Under normal circumstances it's unethical for me to share what I think or how I feel about politics. Up until 2016 politics ran in the background for me (which is where we want it to be .) These aren't normal circumstances and, as a mental health professional and a human being, I can no longer stay silent. Over the last several years I've kept track of the level of political anxiety with my patients. As of this writing, 7 out of 10 of my patients have a significant level of political anxiety - and so do I. POLITICAL ANXIETY IS THE NUMBER ONE STRESSOR OF OVER 80% OF MY HUNDREDS OF PATIENTS. This is real and it's happening and we all must face it together and figure out how to get to a place where we unite. We can't do this for much longer. Also, feel free to jump to the next section and skip over it if your'e not interested in my perspective - you won't hurt my feelings! Full transparency: I'm a constitutional law following freak - which used to be labeled "conservative" prior to 2016, This suburban cisgender white female middle aged Christian gun enthusiast small business owning Ohio heterosexual hates the government on a good day, so government overreach makes me feel rage. True conservatives want small government and for them to stay TF out of our day to day lives - unless there is a public crisis. Then I expect them to take over - they're the experts. I don't want to have to figure that shit out! I have ADHD!!!! I feel political anxiety and outrage so frequently that if this was 1825 versus 2025 I'd be starting the Ohio Militia for Women. Ohio's government is the most corrupt state government in the country and it's a secret because it's rarely focused on or talked about in a sea of corrupt state governments. That's not a political statement, that's a fact. Research it for yourself. I HATE THAT THE GOVERNMENT OF THE STATE I GREW UP IN IS CORRUPT AF. And not just for the obvious - Ohioans are paying back a huge bribe that landed Mike DeWine's political allies in prison - the Speaker of our House - or hanging at the end of a rope. I'M NOT OK WITH THAT ON ANY LEVEL. The OHIO GOP women have pushed medical and health misinformation causing their constituents to be brainwashed and unnecessary health issues and death. I'M NOT OK WITH THAT ON ANY LEVEL. Ohio's restrictive reproductive laws have increased the suicide rate of young mothers by HELLOOOOOO I'M NOT OK WITH THAT ON ANY LEVEL - THAT'S NOT PRO LIFE!!!! I'M ALL FOR THE LIFE OF EVERY MOTHER ON THIS PLANET! ESPECIALLY NEW ONES! I LOVE MY STATE AND I'M HEARTBROKEN OVER HOW BROKEN IT IS. I care about the people here. ALL people. Not just ones that look like and think like me. LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW OHIO'S RESTRICTIVE REPRODUCTIVE LAWS HAVE HARMED OHIO WOMEN BY EXPANDING HERE: Yes, Ohio's restrictive reproductive laws directly exacerbate its maternal mortality crisis through multiple pathways, according to public health research and medical experts. Here's the breakdown: 1. Delayed/Life-Threatening Care for Pregnancy Complications Abortion bans (like Ohio's 6-week "Heartbeat Bill," currently blocked but legally contested): Force providers to delay care until patients are critically ill (e.g., sepsis from incomplete miscarriage, preeclampsia worsening to eclampsia). Example: A Cleveland study found 35% of OB/GYNs witnessed preventable harm due to treatment delays caused by legal fears. 2. Forced Continuation of High-Risk Pregnancies Nonviable or dangerous pregnancies (e.g., severe fetal anomalies, cancer diagnoses) must be carried to term: Increases risks of hemorrhage, stroke, or death (Texas data post-abortion ban showed a 29% spike in maternal morbidity ). Ohio's near-total abortion ban (if enacted) would disproportionately impact Black women, who face 3x higher pregnancy-related mortality . 3. "Chilling Effect" on Medical Practice Criminalization threat (felony charges for providers) leads to: OB/GYN shortages : Clinicians leave restrictive states (Ohio has 36% maternity care deserts). Delayed miscarriage management : "Wait-and-see" approaches until mothers crash. 4. Reduced Access to Comprehensive Prenatal Care Clinic closures (e.g., Planned Parenthood) limit: Contraception access → more unintended high-risk pregnancies. Prenatal screenings → missed chronic conditions (hypertension, diabetes). 5. Mental Health Toll Trauma from forced birth : Linked to higher rates of perinatal depression/PTSD. Suicide is a leading cause of postpartum death in abortion-restricted states. Supporting Evidence Ohio Department of Health : 80% of pregnancy-related deaths were preventable; lack of timely care was a top factor. JAMA Study (2023): States with abortion bans have 62% higher maternal death rates. March of Dimes : Ohio’s pre-existing maternity care deserts worsen under abortion restrictions. Counterarguments (and Why They Fall Short) Claim Reality "Pregnancy resource centers fill gaps" Centers lack medical expertise; 97% don’t offer prenatal care (Ohio Health Dept.) "Adoption is an alternative" Does not reduce maternal health risks; pregnancy itself can be deadly "Laws include life-of-mother exceptions" Vague language delays care; 64% of OB/GYNs report confusion over legal thresholds The Bottom Line Restrictive laws create a climate of medical fear that: Delays critical interventions → "Ohio mothers bleed while lawyers debate." Drives away skilled providers → fewer clinics to manage complications. Deepens racial inequities → Black women bear the highest burden. Ohio's recent 12-month Medicaid postpartum extension helps, but cannot offset harm from forced high-risk pregnancies . OK - so there is my outrage. When I feel outrage I'm at a higher risk of saying things - in a hostile way; an outburst - that are my opinion of the people involved in this, further polarizing myself, versus THE TRUTH. Yes, I sucked you into this but stay with me here - I want to help you calm your brain down! I work hard to stay emotionally regulated in this political climate. I have severe ADHD and emotional regulation isn't naturally wired into my brain so it benefits me to be intentional about how I consume factual information about what's happening in my community and in my state. Then, when I have bandwidth, I take a step back and look to see what's happening in our nation, and in the world. I feel my feelings, and I reset. I started this blog to help other people who are also feeling how I feel. I know you're out there!!! What is an "unlocked phone" in mental health? Your phone is neurologically “unlocked” when doomscrolling hijacks your brain. Watch for these red flags: ✅ 1. You Can’t Physically Stop Scrolling “I’ll just check one more post…” turns into 90 minutes of trauma-dumping into your nervous system. This isn’t weak willpower—it’s dopamine dysregulation . Your brain’s reward center gets addicted to threat detection (thanks, evolution!).” ✅ 2. You Feel “Stuck” in Digital Quicksand Notice jaw tension, shallow breath, or tunnel vision? That’s amygdala hijack . Your body thinks each headline is a tiger attack. “Your phone isn’t just unlocked—it’s broadcasting emergency sirens 24/7.” ✅ 3. Reality Warps Around You “Wait, did I eat lunch?” or “Why is it dark outside?” Time distortion and dissociation are classic trauma responses. When your brain drowns in cortisol, it shuts down prefrontal cortex functions like memory and presence. Why This “Unlocked” State Breaks Your Brain OK so I have to give full disclosure here. Although I feel like I'm 25 as of this writing I'm 60, so it's really easy for me to not engage with my phone in the same the way as other generations. Some of you were video babies and some of you are - if my toddler doesn't get my iPad stat we're having a meltdown kind of folks. I do understand, however, how addicting scrolling can be. I liken it to reading Stephen King novels when I was in middle school - I would stay up all night because I couldn't put them down. You know who else knows we doomscroll? - Our super polarized politicians, bot farms in Russia, Elon, Zuckerberg, Dorsey, all the other tech oligarchs who sold us out, and that asshole from high school who runs his mouth about a whole lot of nothing and everyone has his feed on pause. Doomscrolling isn’t “information.” It’s neurological sabotage . Here is how: Sympathetic Nervous System Overload: Forces fight-or-flight mode (racing heart, panic). Dorsal Vagal Shutdown: Drains you into numbness or depression. Moral Injury: Floods you with global suffering you can’t fix → toxic shame. How to know if your phone is unlocked to harm? If checking the news leaves you with: Chest tightness Helpless rage 3 a.m. existential dread …your attention has been weaponized. Why Do Others Want Us To Doomscroll? How to “Lock” Your Phone (and Reclaim Your Mental Health) 🔒 Step 1: Run a “Carrier Check” on Your Nervous System Ask: “ Is my phone unlocked to trauma or agency ?” Audit your: Notifications: Turn off ALL non-essential alerts (research shows 70% less anxiety in 7 days). Algorithm: Unfollow accounts that trigger helplessness. Follow creators focusing on solutions (climate action, community mutual aid). 🔒 Step 2: Install a “Firewall” for Your Focus App Blockers: Use Freedom or OneSec to lock social media during vulnerable hours (e.g., after 8 p.m.). Somatic Interrupt: When urges hit, reset your vagus nerve : Hum loudly for 30 seconds (vibrations calm panic pathways). Splash cold water on your face (triggers mammalian dive reflex). Try this audio coach: Belly Breathing for Beginners: 4-minute Anxiety Relief 🔒 Step 3: Reboot Your “Operating System” “ How do I know if my phone is unlocked to peace? When usage feels intentional, not compulsive.” Intentional use = looking for family updates, your fav celebs, how-to intel, your alma mater, etc. Schedule “News Checks”: 10 minutes, 2x/day—after grounding exercises, NOT before bed. Replace Doom with Micro-Agency: *“Scrolled for 5 min? Now spend 5 min on a nervous system reset: 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding (Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel…) Text a friend something hopeful.”* When to Call for Backup Sometimes an “unlocked” phone reveals deeper trauma. Seek therapy if you experience: Body-based symptoms: Chronic insomnia, panic attacks, dissociation. Relational damage: Snapping at loved ones, isolating. “Trauma therapies like EMDR, IFS, or somatic work can ‘re-lock’ your nervous system against digital invasion.” Your Digital First Aid Kit 📲 “Is My Phone Unlocked?” Checklist  (Neurological signs + fixes) 🌿 Somatic Reset Cards  (Vagal toning exercises) “Your attention is your life’s currency. Lock it like your sanity depends on it—because it does.” Download the Digital First Aid Kit below. Even though it says, "Buy Now" - it's FREE! (I can't figure out how to change that lol) Lock Your Attention, Reclaim Your Sanity An unlocked phone isn’t just a carrier setting—it’s a neurological backdoor for chaos. When doomscrolling hijacks your vagus nerve, it traps you in fight-or-flight, leaving you exhausted, ashamed, and powerless. But you hold the key. By recognizing the signs (time distortion, body tension, emotional hangovers) and using your ‘reset protocol’—somatic first aid, app firewalls, and curated attention—you signal safety to a terrified nervous system. Your focus isn’t a flaw; it’s sacred ground. Guard it fiercely. Because in a world addicted to your panic, calm isn’t self-care—it’s rebellion. As promised: How Do I know If My Phone Is Unlocked? Insert a SIM card from a different carrier. Check for ‘Network Locked’ in Settings > General > About. Look for "Network Locked" or "No SIM restrictions." If it accepts the new SIM, your phone is carrier-unlocked.

In today's fast-paced world, maintaining a healthy relationship can be challenging. Couple conflicts are common, and many couples seek help to navigate through rough patches. However, the cost of professional counseling can be a significant barrier. Fortunately, there are various ways to find support for your relationship without breaking the bank. Relationship Support: Low-Cost Options You Can Explore Finding the right support for your relationship doesn't have to drain your bank account. Various resources offer affordable or free options. Online Resources Websites and apps provide valuable advice. For example, platforms like Relate or BetterHelp offer articles and tools focused on relationship enhancement. Some provide free initial sessions or resources that can guide you through common issues. Community Support Groups Many communities have non-profit organizations that offer free or low-cost workshops and support groups. It could be beneficial to search for institutions near you that focus on relationship education. Books and Workbooks Don't underestimate the power of a good self-help book. Titles like "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" can provide valuable insights. Such books often come with exercises, helping couples to work through issues together. A helpful collection of relationship self-help resources. The Importance of Open Communication Effective communication is the foundation of any relationship. Yet, many couples struggle to articulate their feelings and needs effectively. Active Listening Be attentive when your partner speaks. Show that you care about their perspective. This approach can help to foster a deeper understanding. Expressing Needs Encourage each other to articulate needs clearly. Use "I" statements to reduce defensiveness and blame in conversations. Daily Check-Ins Designate a specific time each day to check in with each other. Discuss any issues, how you are feeling, and what you appreciate about each other. This routine can significantly strengthen your bond. Couples discussing their feelings during a check-in conversation. What to Do If You Need Couples Therapy But Can't Afford It? If you find professional therapy financially out of reach, several pathways remain available. University Programs Local universities with psychology or counseling programs often run clinics. Graduate students provide counseling under the supervision of experienced professionals. These sessions are typically very affordable. Sliding Scale Therapists Some therapists offer sliding scale fees based on income. Seeking someone who can work within your budget makes professional support accessible. Online Couples Counseling Some online platforms provide cost-effective counseling sessions. Research reputable services that fit your financial needs. Support from Friends and Family Sometimes, a supportive friend can offer a listening ear or guidance when you need it most. Just ensure they can maintain an impartial perspective. The idea of seeking help for your relationship can be daunting. Economic constraints shouldn't prevent you from getting the support you need. A comfortable space for friends to offer support to each other. Utilizing Free Resources Numerous free resources can help you enhance your relationship. Podcasts Many relationship experts host podcasts that delve into various topics. Listening together can inspire discussions and offer new perspectives. YouTube Channels Channels focused on relationship advice often cover common issues. They offer practical solutions and techniques to improve communication and resolve conflicts. Local Community Events Keep an eye on community bulletin boards or social media for events that focus on relationships. These often provide workshops and discussions about relationship health, often free of charge. Free Counseling Services Some organizations offer free couples counseling or consultations. One such example is free couples counseling through various community centers or non-profits. These services can be beneficial for a taste of professional guidance without the commitment of long-term therapy. Building a Supportive Network Creating a support system with like-minded individuals can be highly beneficial. This doesn't have to be a formal group; friends, family, or acquaintances can provide mutual support. Workshops and Retreats Some couples may benefit from attending workshops or retreats. These often come at a price but can yield lifelong skills and understanding. Look for deals or scholarships that may reduce costs. Online Forums Joining forums where couples discuss relationship topics can offer insights. These forums can reassure you that you are not alone in your struggles. Engaging in Hobbies Participate in group hobbies or classes together. Not only does this foster connection, but it also helps you create a network of friends as a bonus. Creating and nurturing relationships outside your romantic partnership can provide a safety net for times when challenges arise. Enhancing Your Connection Without Cost Improving your relationship doesn’t always require professional guidance. Sometimes, taking small steps can make a big difference. Quality Time Invest time in activities you both enjoy. Whether it's watching a movie, hiking, or cooking together, shared experiences build connection. Mindfulness Practices Practicing mindfulness together can help couples stay present. Engage in meditation or yoga that focuses on couple bonding. Cultivate Gratitude Make it a habit to express gratitude for one another. Writing down what you love about each other can greatly enhance the emotional connection. Set Joint Goals Whether it’s a fitness goal or saving for a vacation, working toward something together strengthens your bond. This creates a sense of unity. Finding support for your relationship can be achievable and affordable if you're open to various resources and methods. By exploring inexpensive options and being proactive, you can cultivate a thriving partnership without financial strain. Final Thoughts While finances can sometimes be a barrier to seeking relationship support, countless resources remain available at low or no cost. From self-help materials to community support groups, the potential for growth and healing in your relationship is within reach. So, take a proactive step today, and explore ways to enhance your relationship and find the support you deserve.

Welcome to Trust Matters: Mastering The Art of Building Trust in Relationships. This is part 1 of 4. Trust is often heralded as the cornerstone of any strong, enduring partnership, yet its intricate workings remain a mystery to many. In this series, we aim to demystify the concept of trust, elucidating how it forms the bedrock upon which all other aspects of a relationship are built and nurtured. The "Foundations of Trust" are not merely about the absence of deceit or betrayal; they encompass a much broader spectrum of behaviors, emotions, and shared experiences. Trust is the silent yet powerful force that binds partners together, allowing them to navigate the complexities of life with confidence in each other's support and understanding. It’s what makes partners feel safe to be vulnerable, to share their deepest fears, and to show their authentic selves without the fear of judgment or rejection. What's In This Article: Take The Trust Quiz What Is Trust? Common Trust Issues In Relationships The Basis of Trust Building in Romantic Relationships FAQ for Part 1: Foundations in Trust In this part of the series, we explore what constitutes the "Foundations of Trust ." We explore how trust is established, maintained, and sometimes, regrettably, broken. Through this exploration, we'll uncover the subtle yet significant ways in which trust influences the strength and resilience of a relationship. We'll look at practical examples and provide insights into how trust operates in day-to-day interactions, decision-making, and long-term planning. Moreover, we'll discuss why strengthening relationships is inextricably linked to the nurturing of trust. A relationship without a solid foundation of trust is like a house built on sand – vulnerable to collapse at the slightest pressure. On the contrary, a relationship anchored in trust can weather the most challenging storms and emerge stronger. Trust fosters open communication, mutual respect, and a deep understanding that enriches the relationship in countless ways. As we embark on this journey together, my goal is to provide you with the tools and knowledge to recognize, build, and repair the trust in your relationships. Whether you're in the early stages of a partnership, navigating a rough patch, or simply looking to deepen your connection, understanding the "Foundations of Trust" is a vital step in creating and maintaining a fulfilling and resilient relationship. What Is Trust? The first question I ask couples who enter therapy is - why are you here? Most of the time, the word “trust” comes up. In the introduction to this series, I posited that trust is a thought, a feeling, and a behavior. But what is it, really? Trust, a term we often hear, resonates differently across various contexts of our lives, yet its essence remains fundamentally the same. In the broadest sense, trust can be defined as a confident belief in the reliability, truth, and ability of someone or something. It's about feeling secure that another person will act with integrity, honesty, and in the best interest of a relationship, whether they're observed or not. In Romantic Relationships: Trust is the bedrock. It's not just believing that a partner will remain faithful; it encompasses the assurance that they will handle your heart, vulnerabilities, and dreams with care. Trust in a romantic context means feeling safe to share your true self, your fears, and your deepest emotions, knowing they will be met with understanding, not judgment. In Familial Relationships: Trust forms the foundation of family dynamics. It involves the expectation of support and loyalty from family members. This includes trusting in their love and care, believing that family members will be there fo In Friendships: Trust is the glue that holds friendships together. It's about relying on a friend's advice, knowing they have your best interest at heart, and trusting them to keep your confidences. In friendships, trust also means expecting honesty and authenticity, where friends can be their genuine selves without fear of betrayal. In Professional Relationships: Here, trust is about relying on colleagues or business partners to fulfill their responsibilities and commitments. It's the assurance that they will act ethically and in the best interests of the team or organization. In professional settings, trust also extends to believing in the expertise and judgment of colleagues in their respective roles. In Our Government: Democracy in America in as fragile as it's been since the Civil War because Americans have lost trust in our government. One side spreads lies, the other side bitches without taking action...It doesn't seem like there is relief in site. Coming soon to The Best Advice: Politics and Mental Health where we'll address political anxiety and how to cope. In each of these relationships, trust plays a critical role in fostering healthy, meaningful, and enduring connections. It's the invisible thread that weaves through our interactions, enabling us to build and maintain strong, supportive networks. Without trust, these relationships are often unstable, fraught with uncertainty, and challenging to sustain. In the following sections, we'll explore the dynamics of trust in these various contexts, exploring how it's built, maintained, and sometimes, unfortunately, broken. Common Trust Issues in Relationships Trust issues, unfortunately, are not uncommon in relationships. They can take various forms and manifest differently depending on the nature of the relationship. Couples who come into therapy who cite “trust issues” as their presenting concern typically have one or more of these dynamics happening: digital infidelity, financial dishonesty, and emotional betrayal. Let’s explore what they mean. Trust issues in couples can manifest in various ways, depending on the history and dynamics of the relationship. Some common trust issues include: Infidelity : This is a significant breach of trust and can include both physical and emotional affairs. The aftermath of infidelity often brings up intense feelings of betrayal, hurt, and anger. Deception or Lying : This can range from small lies to significant deceptions about important matters. Repeated dishonesty can erode trust over time, even if the lies seem minor. Financial Infidelity : Hiding or lying about financial matters, such as debt, spending, or savings, can be a major breach of trust. Lack of Reliability and Consistency : If a partner frequently breaks promises or fails to follow through on commitments, it can lead to a lack of trust. Jealousy and Insecurity : These issues can stem from past experiences or personal insecurities and often lead to distrust, even in the absence of actual wrongdoing. Digital Infidelity : Engaging in inappropriate interactions with others online, such as through social media or dating apps, can create trust issues. Past Traumas : Previous experiences of betrayal or trauma in past relationships (or in one's family of origin) can lead to trust issues in current relationships. Privacy and Boundary Violations : Infringements on personal space, privacy, or disregarding boundaries can lead to feelings of distrust. In each of these instances, the common thread is the violation of the implicit or explicit agreement of trust, respect, and mutual support that forms the foundation of any relationship. Addressing these trust issues in therapy often involves open communication, rebuilding trust through consistent and reliable behavior, and sometimes addressing individual issues that contribute to the problem. It's important to approach these concerns with empathy and understanding, recognizing the impact they have on both partners. Do you need help having the tough conversations? Try the Gottman Institute's State of the Union conversation guide. The Basis of Trust Building in Romantic Relationships Trust is a critical component of any romantic relationship. It's the foundation on which a strong, deep, and lasting connection is built. To cultivate and maintain this trust, certain strategies can be particularly effective. Here, we focus on key approaches tailored specifically for romantic partnerships. Open and Honest Communication: Consistency and Reliability: Mutual Respect and Understanding: Empathy and Emotional Support: Practicing Forgiveness: Acknowledging and Correcting Mistakes: Building Shared Experiences: Establishing and Respecting Boundaries: Demonstrating Appreciation and Gratitude: Prioritizing Transparency: By focusing on these strategies, couples can strengthen the trust in their relationship, paving the way for a deeper, more meaningful connection. Each of these approaches helps to create a safe, supportive, and loving environment where a romantic relationship can thrive. Conclusion to Part 1: Foundations of Trust As we wrap up this first part of our series on why Trust Matters, it's important to reflect on the profound role trust plays in the fabric of our relationships. Whether it's the predictability of a partner's actions, the dependability they bring in times of uncertainty, or the unwavering faith we hold in our shared future, trust is indeed the cornerstone upon which strong, healthy relationships are built. Through our exploration of trust's definition, its impact on relationship dynamics, common trust issues, and the strategies for building trust, we've seen how multifaceted and essential trust is in every interaction with our partners. Trust is not just a feeling but a continuous process, an active choice we make every day in how we communicate, understand, and support each other. Trust can be fragile and at times, challenging to maintain. But with effort, understanding, and a commitment to growth, it can also be strengthened and restored. The strategies discussed here are starting points, guiding you towards a deeper connection and a more resilient bond with your partner. As you move forward in your relationships, take these insights with you. Reflect on the aspects of trust that resonate most with your experiences and consider how you can nurture these elements in your own relationship. Whether you're working to build trust from the ground up or seeking to repair and deepen an existing bond, the journey of trust is a rewarding one, filled with opportunities for growth, understanding, and deeper connection. Join us in the next part of our series, where we will delve deeper into the practical strategies for building and sustaining trust. There, we will explore how to apply these concepts in day-to-day life, ensuring your relationships are not only enduring but also fulfilling and rich with mutual trust. The journey continues, and we invite you to take these steps with us, towards stronger, more trusting relationships. Not sure how couples counseling works or if it's for you? I offer free 15 minute consultations! Book below: FAQ for Part 1: Foundations in Trust Q1: What exactly is trust in a relationship? A1: Trust in a relationship is the confident belief in your partner's reliability, integrity, and honesty. It's about feeling secure that your partner will act in ways that are in the best interest of your relationship. Q2: Why is trust so important in romantic relationships? A2: Trust is vital in romantic relationships because it creates a safe space for vulnerability, fosters open communication, and builds a strong foundation for the relationship to grow and withstand challenges. Q3: Can trust be rebuilt after it's been broken? A3: Yes, trust can be rebuilt, but it requires effort, patience, and commitment from both partners. Rebuilding trust involves open communication, understanding each other's perspectives, and consistent actions over time. Q4: How does digital infidelity affect trust? A4: Digital infidelity, such as forming emotional or romantic connections online, can significantly damage trust. It introduces secrecy and betrayal into the relationship, leading to feelings of hurt and mistrust. Q5: What role does financial dishonesty play in eroding trust? A5: Financial dishonesty, like hiding debts or expenditures, can erode trust by breaking the mutual understanding and transparency that are key to a healthy relationship. Q6: How can I tell if there are trust issues in my relationship? A6: Signs of trust issues include lack of open communication, feelings of insecurity or jealousy, reluctance to be vulnerable, and constant doubts about your partner’s intentions or actions. Q7: What are some strategies for building trust in a relationship? A7: Strategies include open and honest communication, consistency in actions, showing respect and understanding, practicing forgiveness, and building shared experiences. Q8: Is trust more about actions or feelings? A8: Trust encompasses both actions and feelings. It involves the actions that demonstrate reliability and integrity, as well as the feelings of security and confidence in the relationship. Q9: How does trust affect conflict resolution in a relationship? A9: Trust affects conflict resolution by creating a foundation of understanding and respect. When trust is present, partners can communicate more effectively, understand each other's perspectives, and find mutually satisfying solutions. Q10: Are there any tools or scales to measure trust in a relationship? A10: Yes, tools like the Trust Scale by Rempel and Holmes can help measure trust in relationships. This scale evaluates trust based on predictability, dependability, and faith in your partner. Try our fun assessment, The Trust Quiz!