One of the most rewarding parts of marriage is having a built-in support system you can always count on. When the system is working, the marriage feels more satisfying and less conflictual. However, it’s not always clear exactly how you can support each other. At our core, we are all driven by life goals and dreams. Some people crave adventure, success, creative expression, or inner peace. If you are experiencing conflict or don’t feel fulfilled, you may need to do more to honor each other's dreams. Research by marriage counseling expert Dr. John Gottman suggests unfulfilled life dreams are often a root cause of marital conflict. Though the strategy of discussing dreams may seem strange, it works because it’s not about being right or wrong. Reflecting on our inner desires is about expression, and as long as you are willing to listen, talking about dreams can strengthen your marriage. The discussion allows you to see where your visions align and how you can be a part of each other’s journey. I have seen couples take their relationship to new heights by making a stronger effort to support each other’s life goals. Before you can have an open conversation about your dreams together, you need to ensure your relationship has a few base levels of support in place. The Definition of Support in a Relationship A supportive relationship is compassionate, understanding, and loving. You can maintain the pillars of support in your marriage by following these three practices: Self-reflection Being supportive of your partner begins with understanding your own needs and desires. Communicate your hopes and dreams to your partner so that they can do the same. Do you know what your dreams are in life? Are you doing the things you need to do to feel fulfilled? We have a certain level of responsibility to ourselves to do what makes us happy. Reflect frequently on your journey and whether you feel you’re headed in the right direction. Openness Second, if you want to support each other, you have to open up about your needs. When a problem puts pressure on the relationship, it’s likely due to a communication breakdown. Openness refers to your willingness to share and your ability to listen. How often do you and your partner talk about your goals? Do you accept the things your partner wants in life? Check in with yourself about whether you allow your inner truth to be heard. Listen to your partner when they make an effort to open up to you. Intention Finally, the most supportive marriages don’t happen by accident. They are actively constructed through effort, sacrifice, and mindful habits. You can improve your marital support system by thinking through how you communicate with each other. Pick a time when you're both feeling at ease and dialogue about your dreams. Look for more opportunities to talk to your partner about what they hope for in life. Planning time to talk about fulfillment and desires will help you both feel heard. Because the goal is to validate and support, anytime you start a discussion together you must be prepared to actively listen. Always respond to your partner from a place of empathy and understanding. Being more intentional is challenging for many couples. Take a look at these three research-based tips on the best ways to support each other with more intentionality. 3 Ways to Support Each Other’s Dreams 1. Talk Regularly About Your Dreams My happiest clients are ones that carve out regular time for open, empathetic communication. Here is a proven approach to checking in on your partner’s dreams: Start by initiating a conversation. Tell your partner that you would like to sit down and discuss their dreams and goals. If needed, give them time to think about what they want to say first. Start as the listener. As the listener, you will set the tone of the check-in by creating a safe, judgment-free environment. It’s important that no matter what your partner expresses, you make it clear that you are not there to judge. You should also avoid trying to solve any problems that come to light. Remember, the main goal is to engage in dialogue and offer empathy. Let your partner be the speaker. The speaker will talk honestly about their feelings, beliefs, and dreams. The goal is not to convince or argue a point, but simply to explain their thoughts and share desires. Many dreams or life goals take root in larger themes. These include freedom, peace, unity with nature, self-exploration, justice, healing, creativity, forgiveness, and love. Offer reflection questions. The purpose of the questions is to prompt reflection, honesty, and openness. What are some of your core beliefs, ethics, or values? Is there a story behind that for you? Tell me why that’s important to you. What is your ideal dream here? Is there a deeper purpose or goal in that for you? What do you wish for? What do you need? Do you feel your dream is being honored? Then, you can switch roles. 2. Acknowledge Progress Validate and celebrate the steps you take to meet your goal. Pursuing dreams is a long-term commitment that takes time, effort, and sacrifice. Cheering each other on brings you closer together. Give small tokens of encouragement when your partner accomplishes something. For example, tell your partner how proud you are of them by leaving a short note. You could also plan a special dinner or share a glass of champagne, just do something meaningful to show support. 3. Participate in the Journey The most epic way you can support each other’s dreams is to take part in them. Couples who work together towards a goal have stronger, more satisfying marriages. Once you start talking about what your dreams are, you can find more ways to experience them together. Is your partner dreaming of going back to school or learning a new skill? You can be a part of the dream by planning study sessions where the two of you learn together. Pick a skill you’ve always wanted to try and study alongside your partner. Does your partner dream of exploration? Start saving for a trip together. Whatever it is, be willing to take part in your partner’s dreams, and invite your partner to be a part of yours. The bottom line is that a healthy marriage is built on how you support each other. Avoid building a partnership built around crushed dreams. Do more to cultivate happiness together. Be intentional about making your partner’s dream a priority, and better communication will follow. If you believe bad habits of communication may be a problem in your marriage, couples counseling can help. Couples counseling uses a research-based approach to improve communication and bring couples closer together. Ready to take the next step in your marriage? Take advantage of our free consultations to find out if couples counseling can improve your marriage. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation counseling consultation. Ready to Book an Appointment? Click here.

Chances are you didn’t see your grandparents attend couples counseling, and it’s only slightly more likely that your parents attended couples counseling. Only 19% of couples ever do, although this percentage is predicted to rise as the benefits of mental health and wellness become more widely acknowledged. Combine that with the inauthentic narratives of “normal” relationships in social media and entertainment, and you may find yourself questioning whether or not it’s normal to attend couples counseling. The truth is that “normal” looks different as your relationship evolves and matures, and the dynamics of your relationship will change as different life events occur. As much as we like to think we have control over life, unpredictable events happen and throw us off course and change what a normal relationship looks like. Similarly, difficulties and disagreements in a relationship are to be expected at some point. Some very normal points of tension in a relationship include: Aging or Ill Parents Financial Planning Parenting Lifestyle Preferences Different Libidos In fact, fighting with your partner is a completely healthy way to work out your differences - it would be abnormal if you never disagreed. Couples counseling is useful in helping you and your partner maintain closeness and practice healthy communication habits through disagreements and unpredictable times, increasing the chances that you and your spouse will remain in a stable and supportive relationship. Whether you are on your third marriage or you’ve been married for decades, there are many forms of couples counseling that can help your relationship feel more satisfying and supportive. Here are the most common reasons couples might seek counseling: Premarital Counseling Premarital counseling helps couples transition from a dating commitment to a marriage commitment. Marriage requires couples to work together and problem solve in new and challenging ways. When couples aren’t prepared with a strong foundation of healthy coping skills, they become dissatisfied and communication begins to break down. Premarital counseling helps keep your relationship on track by addressing how to respond to challenges before things get tough. With over 30% of newlyweds completing couples counseling before marriage, it seems that couples counseling is gaining popularity. Check out our full article on what premarital is, what to expect, and the benefits of attending. Improve Communication In my experience, trouble with communication is the number one reason couples report feeling dissatisfied in their marriages. We’ve all experienced periods of life where challenges and obligations seem to come at us non-stop. One partner might take the initiative to tackle a parenting challenge or manage a financial situation without first discussing the issue with their spouse. Many times, the person taking initiative believes they are doing their partner a favor by dealing with the issue independently, and is surprised to find their partner is angry with them for doing so. When these little communication breakdowns occur over time, it can lead to what we in the marriage counseling industry refer to as “The Four Horsemen” because they can bring about the end of a relationship if they go unaddressed: Criticism - One or both partners nitpick at the other constantly, making their spouse feel that there is always something wrong with them no matter how hard they try. Contempt - One or both partners treat the other with anger or disgust, or worse, makes fun of their spouse and constantly puts them down. Defensiveness - One or both partners respond to complaints made by their spouse with counter complaints rather than owning up to what they did wrong and making things right again. Stonewalling - One or both partners avoid conflict altogether by shutting down and avoiding conflict altogether, preventing any issues from getting resolved. Marriage counseling can help couples repair and reconnect despite these challenges, ultimately rebuilding a strong foundation of communication skills that help keep your marriage healthy and satisfying. It’s best to seek counseling early in the relationship when these issues emerge, as they become more difficult to heal if left to fester over time. Licensed counselors will use research based approaches to help couples improve their communication, including: The Gottman Method Emotional Focused Therapy Cognitive Behavioral Therapy It’s important to find a counselor that is right for you and your partner. Check out our article with detailed tips to help you in your search. Affair Recovery For the partner who has just discovered they are being cheated on, it can feel like things will never be the same and all trust is lost. For the partner that has been unfaithful, feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion can be all consuming. In a 2018 study by the Institute for Family Studies, researchers found that 20% of male partners reported having sex with someone outside of their marraige, while only 13% of women reported doing the same. Millions of couples experience infidelity in their relationships. Oftentimes, infidelity occurs because of a breakdown in communication. Perhaps one partner didn’t know how to ask for what they needed, or perhaps the other partner didn’t know how to listen and respond to what was being asked. Though there are situations where one partner actively seeks out an affair, many affairs occur simply by happenstance with people the offending partner sees everyday, like neighbors, coworkers, or friends. Though some partners choose to go their separate ways once the cat is out of the bag, it doesn’t always mean that the relationship ends. In fact, I’ve counseled some couples who report that their marriages actually feel stronger and more satisfying once they make the decision to recommit to one another. The key to surviving infidelity lies in how each partner approaches the healing process and their willingness to allow the other partner to experience the feelings that come with it. For example, a partner that has confessed to having an affair and is ready to recommit to the marriage will have to patiently allow their partner to experience jealousy, anger, and suspicion for some time before they can expect things to go back to normal. The partner that has been cheated on must accept that the cheater in the relationship is experiencing emotional turmoil too, and thus the spurned partner must find healthy ways to express their pain and anger that don’t further isolate the spouse that is willing to recommit. Affair recovery counseling can help couples navigate this turbulent process so that the healing process is safe, and efficient, and results in a stronger connection. Sex Therapy Sex therapy is helpful for partners that are experiencing differences in their libidos, sexual interests or are looking to reconnect after having a baby. Therapists can provide a safe, open space for couples to discuss their needs and desires so that they can rediscover intimacy and begin to physically reconnect with one another. With over 40 million couples reporting that they are in sexless marriages (sex occurs less than 10 times per year), sex therapy is more normal than you might think. A common issue reported is my experience is due to desire discrepancies in which one partner has a higher libido than the other, or is interested in erotic activities that the other partner has no interest in trying. Failure to resolve these issues quickly can lead to anger, resentment, and stonewalling. Another common complaint I’ve heard is that life has gotten in the way of intimacy - work, children, illness, hormonal changes, and fluctuating weight can all lead to decreased desire over time. Seeing a therapist early when this challenge emerges is the best way to resolve the issue and keep your marriage healthy and satisfying for both partners. Call 833-934-3573 for your free, no-obligation counseling consultation. Ready to book an appointment? Click the button below to schedule your session today.

Part 1 of 4 of Blueprint to Reconciliation after Infidelity Blueprint to Reconciliation After Infidelity is a series to help couples reconcile after infidelity. I lay out the three paths to walk for couples after an affair is discovered: Path 3 is successful reconciliation. I'll use the affair of Partner A and Partner B to help the reader understand the process, and as a bonus, I'll include common mistakes in affair recovery. In this section: Introduction Three Paths Forward Path 1: Keeping things status quo Path 2: Get a divorce or break up Path 3: Reconciliation after infidelity Up Next: Exploring Path 3: Reconciliation after infidelity Blueprint To Reconciling After Infidelity It's a question that has been asked for centuries - is reconciliation after infidelity possible? Can a couple move on from an affair and build a stronger relationship than ever? Or is the damage too significant, and does the relationship inevitably come to an end? There are no easy answers, but here we will explore the blueprint to reconciling after cheating. If you're here and reading this, you're likely the cheater or the cheated upon. This is a no-blame zone, so I hope you'll stay and learn. I don't condone affairs, and I know from my work that infidelity is a coping mechanism; it's easier and more fun than whatever happens at home. Affairs aren't always indications that the cheater is unhappy at home. One thing is for sure - affairs are devastating to a relationship and can end in divorce or breakup. Some couples do manage to reconcile after infidelity and come out stronger than ever before. This is often thanks to a lot of hard work to drastically improve communication to get to forgiveness. If both partners are willing to put in the effort, it is possible to rebuild trust and create a stronger foundation for Relationship 2.0. This post will consider common marriage reconciliation mistakes and how to avoid them. However, the reconciliation process is not always possible or advisable. In some cases, the damage is too significant to overcome. If your union wasn't strong before the affair started, the foundation might be too unstable to withstand the weight of the repair process. It can be challenging to forgive. If there is no longer any trust or respect left in the relationship, it may be best to end things rather than try to patch things up. Another space couples find themselves in is uncertainty about whether one or both partners want to repair. Or, perhaps Partner A wants to repair, and Partner B is "leaning out," meaning they aren't sure what they want to do or are thinking about leaving. One or both partner is not ready to move in either direction, and the relationship is in limbo; a relationship in this state can cause high conflict between the partners. Join me for this four-part series if you are wondering what to do. I'll walk you through the actual reconciliation process and point out common mistakes couples make that derail successful reconciliation. Great Lakes Counseling Group offers free consultations to answer questions about reconciliation The Three Paths Forward It's important to take action and move in a direction for both partners post-affair discovery. Time is not a friend to partners who go on not addressing the question - what do we do now? The sooner partners start communicating about what comes next, the greater the chances of keeping the conflict as calm as possible, whatever path is taken. Mistake! Couples who enter into couples counseling before deciding which path are at greater risk of repair failure than couples who explore the three paths of the blueprint to reconciliation after infidelity. Let's explore each path. Path 1: Keep things status quo Some couples decide not to do anything about the state of the relationship for various reasons: minor children, financial ties, health issues, health insurance, etc. Couples who take Path 1 don't address the big question - why did this happen? Sure, they may talk about it and even fight. However, every affair is rooted in a relational issue between the committed partners, which is not fully explored. While affairs are never ok, couples on this path don't have a high success rate of taking the painful rupture of an affair and evolving it into an opportunity to learn and grow together. Instead, this relationship sweeps it under the carpet, puts it away, or uses it as a weapon for other issues. Couples who take this path tend to value familiarity over fulfillment. Path 2: Divorce or Breakup Some couples know that an affair, whether short or long, is the straw that breaks the camel's back, and its discovery propels them down the path of divorce or breakup. Couples in this state risk high conflict and volatility and often communicate in an inauthentic way; words and behaviors reflect retaliation and anger versus deeper feelings and needs. Not every divorce is volatile, and many couples regret taking action toward separation before processing their thoughts and feelings about the affair, the partner, and what they wanted and needed for their life. But, unfortunately, regret can be a bitter pill to swallow. Some couples realize that the relationship isn't healthy and decide to end it. However, divorce could be the best outcome if the couple's foundation isn't healthy or even toxic. Subscribe to our newsletter for free relationship advice. Path 3: Reconciliation after infidelity The third path is often seen as a weakness or a flaw; nothing could be farther from the truth. An affair reflects a relational issue between the partners, and the cheater chooses this destructive coping mechanism. Partners who cheat report it's easier to live in a fantasy land with an affair partner than to deal with whatever happens in the home. Affairs come in all different shapes and sizes: Inappropriate electronic interactions with a person outside of the relationship An emotional connection with another person outside the scope of a typical friendship A physical connection with or without emotions. A combination of all of the above The couple starts by discussing the affair - what was it? What was the cheater's path from commitment to their partner to the affair? What was the relational experience between the committed partners at the time of the affair? Mistake! The blame game will KILL COMMUNICATION! Both partners must commit to speaking their truth and not focus on the other partner! If you can't do it on your own, get help! Having trouble talking? Give us a call! 833-WE-HELP-3 (833-934-3573) Couples who create a structure around their communication and the repair can forgive, a process that significantly benefits the person who has been hurt. It is often misunderstood to mean the forgiver is condoning the behavior of the cheater and the ripple effect it causes—quite the contrary. Forgiveness allows the hurt partner to accept what has happened and let go of the feeling of betrayal. Someone who forgives is at peace within their own space. If you struggle to decide what to do, I encourage you to seek counseling. A professional can help you and your partner explore your options and make the best decision for your relationship. If you're considering Path 3, there is important information for you to know so you set your repair up for successful reconciliation. Mistake! If you have trouble communicating, it will not get better by waiting for it to improve. A good rule of thumb is this - if both of you agree that there is dysfunction, then make the change stat. If you can't, GET HELP. Exploring Path 3: Reconciliation after infidelity As it's hard to forgive, it's also a difficult decision to leave. If you're not working on your relationship after the affair discovery, you're on Path 1, which we'll cover in a different article. Reconciliation is a process that occurs in stages between two people who commit to staying together. Initially, feelings are raw, and there is no intuitive way to start to put some structure around talking it out. Communication can feel volatile, and the space between you unstable. A couple that commits to putting in the work must avoid common marriage reconciliation mistakes and use the tools available to help couples heal from the rupture. This series of posts explores the path of reconciliation after infidelity. Successful reconciliation requires both partners commit to working with a couples counselor to put structure around the repair. Coming next: Part 2 - Reconciliation After Infidelity - Exploring Path 3 Back to Part 1: Blueprint to Reconciling After Infidelity Move to Part 3: Affair Recovery for Partners A and B

If you're in a long-term relationship, you're probably no stranger to conflict. Of course, it's normal for couples to have arguments. But if your arguments are becoming more frequent, you likely have some communication issues that need to be addressed. Becoming a better communicator is critical in keeping a healthy relationship . The secret? It often means breaking long-standing bad habits. Communication is a skill like any other—the more you practice, the better you get at it. And the truth is that most of us need a lot of practice. So let's look at some of the most common communication issues in relationships—and how to solve them. 1. Keeping Your Mouth Shut Have you ever been upset with your partner and decided that it's just not worth it to put your feelings out in the open? When you keep your mouth shut, you may be avoiding conflict in the moment -- but you might be inadvertently building feelings of resentment. Moreover, you probably have a valid reason to feel the way you do, and when you choose to communicate about a problem, you choose to solve it. What to Do Instead Take a moment to think about the feelings coming up before communicating those feelings to your partner. It helps to start with an "I feel" statement to avoid the blame game. 2. Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind When you're in a long-term relationship, you might feel like your partner should have an innate sense of how you feel in any given situation. So you create a set of expectations for your partner – but you probably don't communicate those expectations. And when your partner fails to meet those expectations, it feels like a major slight. What to Do Instead In many situations, your partner probably could anticipate your feelings. But most of us aren't great at being empathetic 100% of the time – no matter how much we love our partner. So instead of expecting them to read your mind, express yourself freely – and diplomatically. You might start to notice that the more you open up to your partner, the better they'll get at reading your mind! 3. Snapping At Your Partner If you tend to "snap" at your partner, there's a good chance you picked up that bad habit long before you met your partner. The tendency to snap often stems from the communication skills you learned as a kid, and it can wreak havoc on your relationship if you don't learn healthier communication skills. What to Do Instead Your instinct to bite someone's head off is often more about how you're feeling in the moment than what the other person has said or done. So when you feel agitated, take a few deep breaths and acknowledge that it's okay to feel that way. Then, get into a problem-solving mindset. Talk to your partner about why you're upset and work with them to address the issue. 4. Not Really Listening Be honest – how often do you put your feelings aside and try to understand where your partner is coming from? It's one of the most challenging things to do in conflict, especially when dealing with a problem of an emotional nature. But if you can't empathize with your partner, your communication issues will always eat at your relationship. When it comes to communication, listening is the most crucial part. Once more, a little louder – listening is the most important part of communication . What to Do Instead If you're in the middle of a heated conversation, take a few moments to cool down. Then, take turns explaining your perspective to each other. When your partner is speaking, resist the urge to talk. Instead, put your energy into putting yourself in your partner's shoes. Finding ways to relate to one another will help you work through your feelings – and you'll become closer as a result. 5. The Silent Treatment There's never a good reason to give your partner the silent treatment. Passive aggression has no place in healthy communication, and using a lack of communication as a weapon is a double-whammy of relationship toxicity. You'll have to use words to sort things out -- no matter what your partner has said or done. What to Do Instead If you're giving your partner the cold shoulder, be honest with yourself about your intentions and how you envision the ideal outcome. On the other hand, if you need a few moments to collect yourself, let your partner know that you need to sort through your feelings and calm down. Either way, keep the lines of communication open. 6. Avoiding Conflict Conflict avoidance can take many forms, from swallowing your feelings to changing the subject. Some people go out of their way to avoid having difficult conversations. But whatever emotions you're suppressing are bound to come back in one form or another. If you're naturally conflict-avoidant, it's possible that you developed that trait when you were growing up. Maybe you don't have the language to express yourself adequately, or perhaps you're worried about causing a rift in your relationship. What to Do Instead Whatever the issue is, it might be worth speaking to a therapist about why open communication is difficult for you. They can help you learn how to express your feelings and give you the communication tools to process conflict productively. That way, when an issue arises in your marriage, you can confront the issue directly with your partner. 7. Rehashing Past Arguments Do you ever bring up the past when you're arguing with your partner? If you find yourself running through a mental "rap sheet" when you're in the middle of a conflict, check yourself – did you bring those issues up when they arose? And if so, did you resolve them ? If you're invoking problems from the past, you might just be building a case for yourself rather than trying to resolve the issue at hand. What to Do Instead Always communicate about issues as they come up. And when you've kissed and made up, consider that issue off the table in future arguments. But if you didn't say anything at the time, it's not fair to pull your partner up on that "offense" later. Final Thoughts Learning how to communicate effectively and solve problems with your partner is a lifelong endeavor, and often we have to unlearn the bad habits we picked up when we were younger and less self-aware. Always tell your partner how you're feeling, and be honest with yourself about where you may have erred. No matter the issue, keep love and respect front and center as you navigate conflict. Working with your partner is the key to healthier communication habits. But healthy communication is always easier said than done. If you and your partner struggle to find peaceful resolutions to the issues in your marriage or relationship, a couples therapist can help. Schedule a free, no-obligation consultation with Great Lakes Counseling today. Together, we'll help you learn how to express yourself effectively so you can resolve your differences and strengthen your relationship. Learn More

For LGBT couples, counseling often goes beyond the scope of “traditional” couples therapy. Here’s everything you need to know. Finding a couples counselor who understands the unique needs of a gay or lesbian relationship can be challenging. Many marriage difficulties are universal, but there are some unique features of same-sex relationships that require LGBT couples counseling. Any marriage counselor in 2022 should be welcoming and understanding of same-sex couples. But not every relationship counselor understands how to deal with gay and lesbian marriage problems. Let’s look at some of the most common relationship problems that same-sex couples face. Then, we can better understand how therapy can help LGBT couples overcome these unique obstacles. Why Do Same Sex Couples Have Different Needs in Couples Counseling? Many factors influence a couple’s needs in counseling. For same-sex couples, those needs are shaped by the lived experience of each partner as a member of the LGBTQIA community. Gender roles, masculine and feminine traits, and relationship expectations also play a role. Because of these factors, same-sex relationships often function differently from opposite-sex relationships. So it’s essential to understand what kinds of issues commonly come up in LGBT couples counseling. So what exactly makes a same-sex relationship unique? Here are some common issues that LGBT couples have to face. Family Acceptance While most Americans now support same-sex marriage , that hasn't always been the case. Many gay people grew up in households where their families didn’t accept them. Those from religious or conservative backgrounds may have less support in their relationship. And unfortunately, lack of family acceptance can cause a rift between partners. Openness and Coming Out It’s common for same-sex couples to be at different stages of “coming out.” For example, one person might have been out for many years while the other is newly embracing their sexuality. When one half of the relationship is ready to publicly celebrate love and the other is opposed, the discrepancy can cause problems in the relationship. Mental Health Issues Unfortunately, members of the LGBT community are much more likely to experience mental health and substance abuse problems than straight and cisgender people. Mental health problems can take a considerable toll on a relationship , especially if those issues are rooted in discriminatory experiences and trauma related to a person’s sexual identity. How LGBT Couples Counseling Can Help The good news is that a couples counselor who understands these unique issues can help you navigate through these hardships. Here are a few ways that an LGBTQ-friendly counselor can benefit your relationship. Better Communication Many members of the LGBTQ community have grown up feeling that they have to “hide” parts of themselves, meaning that although they might be in the presence of a loving partner, they may find it difficult to communicate openly. Couples therapy will help you open the lines of communication with your partner. Most relationship problems stem from a lack of effective communication, so learning those skills can have a tremendous impact on the quality of your relationship. Mutual Understanding Gay and lesbian marriage counseling focuses on reaching a place of understanding. In other words, each party should be on the same page about relationship expectations. However, reaching mutual understanding isn’t always easy. It can mean digging deep into each other’s experiences as a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person navigating love and heartbreak. Opening up about these issues in couples therapy can give you a better understanding of your partner and help you handle relationship issues when they arise. Overcoming Relationship Obstacles Every relationship has its ups and downs. But, for same-sex couples, those obstacles might be fundamentally different from heterosexual couples. Often, complex issues befall otherwise happy same-sex couples, and as hard as those issues are to deal with, they may not necessarily indicate “trouble in paradise.” Take, for example, the case of a lesbian couple in therapy. When the issue of child-rearing arises, the question of who carries the child might be a source of contention. These kinds of problems are often unique to gay and lesbian couples. No matter how much love exists between two people, such questions can be hard to navigate without help from a neutral third party. 3 Things to Look For in an LGBTQ Friendly Couples Counselor It’s important for lesbian and gay couples in counseling to feel assured that their concerns are understood and addressed. So here are the top three things to look for when searching for lesbian or gay marriage counseling. 1. Understanding of LGBTQ Relationships Your marriage counselor should understand the types of issues that affect LGBTQ couples. They should be able to help you connect the dots between your feelings, your partner’s feelings, and your relationship in the context of your sexuality. Often, this can mean helping you overcome issues in your relationship related to your sexuality. 2. Experience with Same-Sex Couples Counseling You don’t necessarily need to find a couples counselor who is themselves a member of the LGBT community. But it may be helpful to ask a prospective counselor whether they’ve worked with gay and lesbian couples before. Like any profession, marriage counselors learn a lot on the job. Your counselor's experience with LGBT couples can affect your experience in couples therapy. 3. Acceptance and Open-Mindedness Your relationship counselor must be accepting and open-minded towards you and your partner. It’s of paramount importance that you feel comfortable sharing your true self with your marriage counselor. Be wary when choosing where to seek counseling. There are some practices that may have antiquated ideas about marriage and relationships. Others may not be “up to date” on how to handle sensitive topics that affect LGBT people. If you ever feel judged or discriminated against, it’s time to find a new therapist. Final Thoughts In many ways, same-sex couples are better equipped than their heterosexual neighbors at navigating the pitfalls of love. But there are some parts of a same-sex relationship that may necessitate LGBT couples counseling. Finding a couples therapist who understands how to approach these topics is vital to a healthy relationship. At Great Lakes Counseling, we understand the challenges that gay and lesbian couples face. We’re proud to offer our services – and love – to our LGBTQ neighbors in Columbus, OH and beyond. We extend our love and support to members of the gay community here and beyond. Learn more about how couples counseling can help you improve communication in your relationship.

Have you ever felt guilty that your depression is affecting your marriage? Does it feel like depression is the third wheel in your relationship, coming between you and your spouse? It's hard enough to navigate through the pain of depression as an individual. But when you're experiencing depression in marriage, you may feel like you're dragging your partner down with you. Your partner vowed to stick with you in sickness and in health, and thankfully, overcoming depression can actually be easier when you have the love of your life by your side. Understanding Depression It's normal to experience highs and lows, but if your lows don't subside after a short time, it could be a sign of depression. However, it's important to distinguish between "the blues," or situational depression, and clinical depression. Situational depression Situational depression is depression that is primarily caused by life events. Sometimes the gravity of a particular scenario can become mentally and physically overwhelming, manifesting itself as depression. Events that may trigger situational depression include: Problems or dissatisfaction at work or school Illness or injury Death of a loved one Moving Relationship problems Financial stress You might not even realize that you're suffering from situational depression. It's common to talk about situational depression in euphemistic terms such as "feeling mopey" or "being down." Conversely, you may confuse your situational depression for clinical depression if the problems in your life go unresolved. Situational depression will typically alleviate as you adjust or make positive changes. A licensed therapist can help you navigate those changes to overcome your depression. They'll also help you understand if your low mood may be due to clinical depression. Clinical depression Clinical depression , or major depressive disorder, is depression that is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. This chemical imbalance can occur for many reasons, including genetics, lifestyle factors, or giving birth . Symptoms of clinical depression include: Persistent low mood Feelings of hopelessness Loss of motivation and interest in enjoyable activities Lack of energy Problems sleeping Low sex drive Clinical depression must be diagnosed by a medical professional. There are various treatment options available, including medication, therapy, and lifestyle improvements. But the first step is always to talk about how you feel - especially if it's affecting your relationship. How Does Depression Affect Marriages and Relationships? Even in the best of times, a relationship takes work. Everyone has certain vulnerabilities and tendencies that can cause friction in a relationship. If you're living with depression in marriage, your mental health can intrude upon your relationship in several different ways. Feelings of guilt You might feel immense guilt, as if your depression is "rubbing off" on your partner. Unfortunately, that guilt may compound the feelings of worthlessness that often accompany depression. Lack of communication It's common for those living with depression to have difficulty talking about their mental illness due to guilt, social stigma, or simply not having the language to express themselves. Your partner might not understand how you're feeling and may interpret the lack of communication as evasiveness. Or they might feel confused and need guidance on how to connect with you when you're in a depressive state. Lack of physical Intimacy When you're depressed, your sex drive might be one of the first things to go. A lack of physical intimacy can negatively affect your partner and exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Loss of interest in activities One of the main symptoms of depression is a waning interest in things that you once found joyful. Whereas before, you might have looked forward to going on dates and spending time with your partner, depression can kill your motivation to get out of the house and experience the world together. Feelings of loneliness and detachment Loneliness is a common symptom of depression. You may feel utterly detached from the people around you – even those you hold dearest. Your partner may feel helpless in their inability to connect with you. How to Cope With Depression in Your Marriage The good news is that having a partner by your side while you work to overcome depression can not only help you get back to normal – it can ultimately strengthen your relationship. Love is a powerful weapon against depression. While love can't magically cure mental illness, it can certainly help partners stay strong along the way. 1. Seek diagnosis and treatment. If your depression doesn't improve after two weeks, make an appointment with a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist will speak with you about your symptoms and work with you to develop a treatment plan so you can start healing. 2. Keep the lines of communication open. It can be hard to talk about your feelings, especially when you're depressed. But the worst thing you can do is shut down emotionally. Instead, tell your partner what you're going through and let them know what you need from them. Check in with them each day about how you're feeling. It will help stave off feelings of loneliness and help you and your partner work as a team to overcome your depression. 3. Practice good mental hygiene together. Mental hygiene refers to the daily and weekly routines that we keep to help maintain our mental health. Eating healthy meals, exercising, and socializing are all forms of mental hygiene. You and your partner can encourage each other to adopt better habits, and it can be an excellent bonding experience. 4. Educate yourselves about depression. There's a lot to learn about depression and how to manage it. However, you and your partner might not feel quite so lost if you better understand how depression works. 5. Practice patience with yourself. It's important to give yourself grace when experiencing a depressive episode. Be patient if it takes a bit longer to get out of bed in the morning. Ask your spouse for a little extra patience, too. It takes time to overcome depression. 6. See a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor can help you and your spouse learn how to communicate better and overcome your mental illness as a team. While a marriage counselor can't treat you for your depression, they can help you learn how to cope with depression in your marriage. Are You Ready to Overcome Depression in Your Marriage? Depression in marriage is a common obstacle for many couples. Fortunately, you don't have to figure it out between you and your spouse - a licensed marriage counselor can help you. If you're ready to take the next step in learning how to cope with depression, book an appointment today with Great Lakes Counseling.

What exactly does "mental health" mean? We’ve compiled a glossary of the most common terms we use in our practice. The world of mental health has an ever-growing lexicon that can confuse lay people. Understanding these terms and their nuance is vital for communicating effectively about mental health, so we’ve compiled a glossary of the most common terms we use in our practice. Anxiety Disorders Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health diagnoses in the United States. It’s normal to feel anxious in certain situations. But those who suffer from an anxiety disorder feel anxious, apprehensive, and fearful in everyday situations. Anxiety disorders include: Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) Panic disorder Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Social anxiety disorder Postpartum OCD (PPOCD) Bipolar Affective Disorder Bipolar Affective Disorder, commonly referred to simply as “bipolar disorder,” is a common diagnosis characterized by profound mood swings. A person living with bipolar disorder may experience manic highs and severe bouts of depression in a relatively short period. Clinical Depression Clinical depression refers to Major Depressive Disorder as defined in the DSM-V. The word depression used colloquially refers to an extended period of sadness or grief. Clinical depression, on the other hand, is a medical diagnosis characterized by an extended period of low mood, lack of self-esteem, and loss of interest in pursuing pleasurable activities. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a therapeutic intervention that focuses on changing negative thought and behavior patterns. CBT helps patients develop better emotional and behavioral responses to external stimuli. Mental health professionals often use CBT to treat anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and eating disorders. Couples Counselor A couples counselor is a specially licensed family counselor specializing in issues related to intimacy, communication, infidelity, and emotional connection between partners. When seeking a couples counselor, it’s crucial to find one that fits your specific needs and makes you both feel comfortable during sessions. Coping Skill People use coping skills as methods of dealing with discomfort and emotional turbulence. Each person has their own set of skills to tolerate or minimize upsetting situations. DSM-V The DSM-V refers to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The American Psychiatry Association publishes new editions of the DSM as research and best practices evolve and mental health professionals use it to classify and diagnose mental health disorders. Lived Experience Lived experience refers to the constellation of knowledge and understanding that a person gains from their unique experiences. Each person has a unique perspective that shapes how they interact with the world around them. Mental Health Concern A mental health concern is a symptom, set of symptoms, or behavior pattern that leads a person to believe that their mental health may be suffering. Those with severe mental health concerns should seek therapy and medical intervention. Mental Hygiene Mental hygiene refers to a set of habits that support your mental health. Good mental hygiene can help prevent mental health disturbances and lessen the severity of mental illnesses. Good mental hygiene includes a consistent sleep schedule, frequent exercise, and daily journaling or meditation. Mental Illness A mental illness is a broad term that refers to the diagnoses classified in the DSM-V and ICD-10. Mood disorders, personality disorders, and eating disorders are typical examples of mental illness. Mood Disorder A mood disorder, or affective disorder, is a subset of diagnoses that primarily concern a person’s emotional state. A psychiatrist can diagnose mood disorders and treat them through clinical and behavioral means. Examples of mood disorders include: Major depressive disorder Seasonal affective disorder Bipolar affective disorder Postpartum depression Substance-induced mood disorder Peer A peer is a person who shares your experience living with a mental illness or substance abuse disorder. Protective Factor A protective factor can be understood as the opposite of a risk factor. It decreases your chances of developing a mental illness or worsening an existing condition. A robust support system is an example of a protective factor. Psychiatrist A psychiatrist is a licensed medical doctor who specializes in mental health. Psychiatrists are qualified to medically evaluate, diagnose, and prescribe medications to mental health patients, unlike psychologists and therapists. Psychologist A psychologist is a scientist who studies and treats mental health disorders. Clinical psychologists work at the intersection of clinical knowledge, science, and theory. They do not practice medicine but can work with those who have mental health concerns to understand and alleviate their symptoms. Psychologists may refer patients to psychiatrists for medical intervention. Recovery Recovery is a process of positive change and healing from mental illness, crisis, substance abuse, or trauma. The first steps in recovery often involve seeking intensive medical or therapeutic treatment. Over time, individuals may need less and less intervention as they begin to lead healthy, self-directed lives. Recovery is often a lifelong process. Risk Factor A risk factor increases a person’s chance of developing a mental health disorder. Risk factors for mental illness range widely, from circumstantial factors such as trauma to lifestyle factors like physical exercise. Social determinants of health Social determinants of health are the social and economic conditions in which people live and work. Social determinants play a considerable role in the mental health of individuals and the collective health of a group. Social determinants of health may include the following: Race Gender Work culture Transportation Access to healthcare Access to education Stigma In mental health, a stigma refers to the disapproving or discriminatory attitudes regarding a person’s mental health challenges. When people internalize discriminatory attitudes towards mental health, they create a self-stigma that can negatively affect self-esteem. Stress Stress is a feeling of emotional and often physical tension in response to internal and external stressors. Therapist A therapist, counselor, or clinician is a mental health professional who is licensed to help people understand and deal with their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. A therapist may refer clients to a psychiatrist for a medical diagnosis, but they may not diagnose or prescribe medicine. Trauma Psychological trauma is an emotional response to a tragic event or series of events. Trauma is often triggered by events such as death, natural disaster, or sexual assault. Symptoms can be physical or psychological. Trauma can manifest itself in various ways and for short or long periods.